How did you feel after?

[dippyGirl5]

I feel really at sea. I had a miscarriage two weeks ago at 8 weeks. I am getting little bouts of sadness but mostly think I feel ok. But really I just feel a bit lost and like I don't really have a purpose any more. Which is horrible as I have 1 year old so I feel awful about that. I'm spending quite a lot of time thinking about TTC because I think that would give me purpose (but then am also terrified of another MC) but this "at sea" feeling makes me realise I'm mentally not ready.

I've lost a lot of people in my life but this is quite different and so strange - it's the loss of potential and hopes and dreams - I think I thought I was dealing with it really well - but maybe not...

Does any of this even make sense? How are others feeling?

I’m really sorry
What you’re saying makes sense to me. It’s ok to be sad. It’s a horrible thing to go through. The feelings of loss, the guilt I carried for a long time.
I had a mmc at 13 weeks. My eldest was 3 at the time so I did have to keep It together.
I wish I’d taken the time to process the loss instead of becoming so focussed on ttc my second. I spent that pregnancy worried all the way through and it took the joy away a little.

Very sorry for your loss OP. It’s such a traumatic experience. You sound very like many who have had this experience and your thoughts/feelings are very normal - do however speak to your GP if your feelings are too overwhelming or you feel they are not stabilising, but this does take time.

First pregnancy lost at 7 weeks and second pregnancy lost at 5 weeks. Put bluntly, I was devastated. I really couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it, felt very hard done by, couldn’t understand why me and why everyone around me was getting along merrily. I was ‘obsessed’ with getting pregnant again as I so desperately wanted a baby. I was very clinical about it and documented it all on a spreadsheet - when I went to the doctor with the second miscarriage and presented my printout, the doctor started investigations immediately.

Very grateful to say that I now have two children but I do not think I could put myself through another round of TTC for fear of another loss. For the entirety of both successful pregnancies I was a paranoid wreck, expecting to see blood on each trip to the toilet and my stomach sank anytime I had a ‘leak’. Like PP suggested, time to process the loss and not diving back into TTC might be helpful.

A very sad but informative documentary was on tv last week on this subject - you might find it too much to bear currently but it was something I could relate to a lot and you might find something to help you through your pain.

Xx

Thank you both for replying. Do you know where that documentary was on? I can maybe record it and watch it at some point.
I think I am scared about becoming obsessed - I feel like I am replacing my sadness with thinking about getting pregnant again and I know that isn't healthy.

I've shared what happened with quite a few friends and am so shocked at the number who have experienced miscarriage themselves but never said anything before. It kinda breaks my heart that so many go through this completely alone. Mumsnet has been amazing for support and information so I feel lucky we have this resource and so many kind people who share their experience and advice!

Feeling a bit less lost today but know this journey isn't linear and there are lots of twists and turns ahead!

Thank you again!!

Yes I remember getting obsessed too. Trying to figure out when it happened and why.
And researching how to
Improve chances of conceiving.

I think it’s normal to think like this, to a certain extent.
Youre still in early stages.
Just talk to someone if it gets too much x