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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Struggling

11 replies

butterflywish · 11/10/2020 14:57

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or if it should be in Mental Health.

I experienced an early miscarriage at the beginning of last year and I've tried my best to get back to 'normal ' but it's not happening. I'm still struggling to come to terms with what happened to us and it's affecting everything, I've got (and have had for a long time) the obvious symptoms of depression but I've been hiding it. I'm calling my Dr tomorrow to see if I can go back on antidepressants (I had depression about a decade ago) but can anyone tell me when things will get better? I don't know how to move on with my grief.

Only my DH knows how I'm feeling and he's been my rock, he's actually the one that suggested I try speaking with people who have been where we have.

OP posts:
Scuttlingherbert · 11/10/2020 19:57

Hi, I'm really sorry you're feeling like this.

It's a really shit thing to experience.

I'm at the sharp end myself as I've had 2 early miscarriages pretty recently, so haven't got any pearls of wisdom about how it improves over time.

However, I'm also a therapist and I'm sure it WILL get better. I'm glad you're talking to your GP. You could also consider talking therapy, if you haven't already.

Onceuponatimethen · 11/10/2020 20:09

Op I’m so very sorry that you lost your baby.

I have also been through this and it was one of the hardest and darkest times in my life. I think it is completely natural to feel grief stricken.

I hope it will help when I say that it absolutely does get better over time. I had my miscarriage some years ago and the pain does recede. You never forget of course, but it becomes easier to deal with.

I think you are so wise to go to the dr for support. I’m going to tell you some things that really helped me in another post but just wanted to post this so you have this post now Flowers

Onceuponatimethen · 11/10/2020 20:09

@Scuttlingherbert I also wanted to say that I’m very sorry that you have lost two babies. I will be thinking of you too Flowers

Onceuponatimethen · 11/10/2020 20:22

I wanted to post some things that helped me in case they help you op, or you @Scuttlingherbert

All these are so personal as to what will help different people

I should say that now I wish I had called Tommy’s the baby charity helpline. They will support women through miscarriage and I called them about something else years later and I found they were so good. I would really recommend trying to call them to see if the support there is helpful to you.

These things helped me:

Lots of time spent in bed or on the sofa with box sets and comforting food. I think I watched Friends plus Sex and the City from end to end. It basically anaesthetised me when I couldn’t function normally.

I watched a lot of old films - Harry Potter etc, again just to take my mind off things.

I had a thread on here and posted when I felt most bleak. People were so supportive and promised that this too will pass. This really helped because I was struggling to talk abut my mc in RL

I bought a book on mc and read it. I couldn’t make sense of why it had happened and even though I had no further certainty when I’d read it, for me getting to that point where I could accept I would never know was helpful.

I wanted to know what my chances were of another mc because I was feeling desperate and like I was bound to have another mc and would never carry a baby to term. I found reading the statistics helpful.

These things helped a friend who had mc:

Buying something to remember her babies. She got special bracelets and still wears them now 15 years on. I have spoken to other women who have done other things that helped mark their babies’ memory, like planting a tree or flowers for them.

Onceuponatimethen · 11/10/2020 20:26

I am not sure whether it would helps to hear stories of hope about ttc after mc. At the time after I had my mc at first I couldn’t bear to hear about others’ successful ttc after mc., but later I found it helped.

If you do want to hear stories of hope op then please say and I and I’m sure others will share those stories.

Sending you a virtual hug in case it helps at all. Mc is so so hard to live through Flowers

Scuttlingherbert · 11/10/2020 20:54

Thanks so much, @Onceuponatimethen !

I would like to hear stories of hope, especially as I had the 2 so close together.

However, as it's not my thread, and the OP might not be in the place to hear them, would it be possible to post your story of hope on the thread which I started earlier today (called "weird miscarriage symptoms")?

Also, what was the book you read?

butterflywish · 12/10/2020 07:46

Thank you @Scuttlingherbert & @Onceuponatimethen I am so sorry for your losses.

My Dr’s phone lines open at 8.30 so I’ll be trying to call them this morning. After our loss I thought it would help with stories of other people’s ttc success after loss but now it just feels like another blow, although I want to fall pregnant again I want my baby back despite knowing that’s impossible.

Thank you @Scuttlingherbert my DH has suggested therapy too but I don’t think I’m ready yet.

@Onceuponatimethen thank you for all of your suggestions, do you mind me asking what book it was you read?

OP posts:
Onceuponatimethen · 13/10/2020 00:54

I read the Janet Reagan book - Miscarriage, what every woman needs to know

Onceuponatimethen · 13/10/2020 00:56

@butterflywish how are you today? I have been thinking of you and hoping you’ve managed to get some calm time today, that you’ve been eating ok and that you are getting at least a little sleep Flowers

Puddlelane123 · 13/10/2020 01:06

Such a horrible thing to endure emotionally OP and whilst it does get better eventually, the healing process is not always linear and I found I had periods where I was back to square one with my grief. I thoroughly recommend the books and social media of Zoe Clark Coates who writes so beautifully and helpfully about her own experiences of miscarriage. She is also a grief counsellor so has lots of practical suggestions for navigating this painful path.

butterflywish · 13/10/2020 22:34

@Onceuponatimethen I'm in a bit of a fog just now since realising I needed some help but I'm now on antidepressants so I'm really hoping they help.

Thank you @Puddlelane123 I'll look her up.

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