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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Repeated miscarriage

9 replies

ggglimpopo · 09/10/2007 08:42

We have remained in vague contact with the lovely couple who bought our house three years ago. It is a rambling old house in the country and when they bought it they kept saying how they couldn't wait to have lots of children running around.....

Well, since then she has had at least four miscarriages that I know of and has just emailed my dh (in reply to an email about something technical about the house) to say that she has had another miscarriage, a couple of weeks ago. The house is in a not terribly friendly village.

Her email sounded so sad. She was very supportive and sent flowers and came to the funeral when my daughter died.

I am nearly eight months pg. I have lots of children. I would so like to contact her and offer some support but would not like to rub salt in the wound.

For those of you who sadly have experience of this, how can I help her? Should I contact her?

OP posts:

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 08:49

god you just gave me a heart attack

how sad about your friend .. I think you should call her or send a card / flowers, without trying to fix things just so she knows you understand .. I think whatever you do it might make it better or worse in the short term but always in the long term its better .. but doing nothing will definitely make it worse

I have no experience of such sad events so I'm just talking from my gut

LilBloodRedWantsGore · 09/10/2007 08:53

How sad. Call your friend and let her know that you are there if she needs you. She may well not feel strong enough to see you at the moment, but she will know that you care and will feel strong enough soon. Oh, and send her some flowers.

wheelybug · 09/10/2007 08:53

I don't think the fact that you have lots of children/ about to have a baby matters too much - I don't think she would tell you (about the m/c) if it did. After all, you have had your share of tradgedy.

I have had 1 m/c and have since had problems ttc. In that time about 12 of our friends have had DC2 or DC3 or DC2&3. Of course I feel envious and sad for myself but the friends who give me the best support are those who have lots of children - maybe because they can empathise because they have children (and could think 'what if we couldn't have had them').

Thats a very longwinded and clumsy way of saying I would definitely contact her - she obviously needs friends and support.

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 12:32

bump for ggg

Original poster

ggglimpopo · 09/10/2007 13:09

Thank you all. I will ring her this evening. Poor poor woman.

OP posts:

Seca · 13/10/2007 13:13

I have had two miscarriages and a threatened miscarriage which fortunately resulted in the birth of my DD 17 months ago.

I don't think that your friend would have contacted you had she not wanted you to know.

I was in a similar situation with my second miscarriage when a lady I barely knew who was also 8 months pregnant with her second child offered support to me. Initially it was hard for me as I'm sure it was for her but it was something I did have to deal with at the time.

Uki · 15/10/2007 05:32

Hi ggg

Congrat's on your pg? hope you are well.

yes contact her, even direct her here, it has been my lifesaver and lots of practical advice about m/c's too. i wonder if i would have kept having then without all the advice.

I don't think you would not be rubbing salt at all

Original poster

ggglimpopo · 15/10/2007 07:58

Thank you for your replies. Well, time has just sort of slipped by and I didn't contact her, but my dh got an email from her this weekend and she has asked if we would like to come to dinner with her and her dh....

I will ring her today.

OP posts:

lucykate · 15/10/2007 08:04

you wouldn't be rubbing salt into the wound by contacting her, i know you have lots of children, but things like that give hope that it is possible, plus with m/c's, although those babies have never been born, there is still loss and grief to deal with (i've had 2), which she knows you can empathise with.

if she's invited you to dinner, sounds like she's reaching out, maybe she just needs to talk

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