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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Am I a horrible person?

1 reply

Highlight2909 · 15/09/2020 22:19

When I was younger I caught Chlamydia and PID off my boyfriend at the time (he had been cheating) and I was told it was likely that I would struggle to conceive. This is something I had accepted and put to the back of my mind as I was still young. Last year I had a suspected miscarriage. My period was late and I'm never late. I was too scared to take a test and then a few weeks later I started to bleed and it was definitely not a normal period. When I went to see the nurse she said it quite possibly could have been and did a pregnancy test which came back negative and said if my periods didn't return to normal to come and see her. They returned to normal. Nobody knew for quite a while, it wasn't something I wanted to share. It's been bothering me now for a while that if I was pregnant I would have had a baby by now, and I've realised I'm not getting any younger. I've recently found out my friend is pregnant, and whilst I'm really happy for her, I can't help but feel sad and that it should have been me. I've wanted a family for a really long time and she's never shown an interest. She doesn't know about what happened last year and I don't want to tell her and spoil her news. Am I a horrible person for thinking like this? I know that all I'm going to hear for the next few months is baby things, and I am genuinely happy for her but I know I will struggle. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Aprildaisyx · 16/09/2020 21:16

I can’t relate to your situation exactly but I’ve just found out I’m going to miscarry and a woman I work with has a healthy pregnancy.. at the moment I feel okay but I think it’s normal to feel bouts of jealousy / envy? I’m trying to just ride my emotions and sit with them. Today I’ve just felt really bitter & angry that there’s people who drink do drugs smoke throughout pregnancy / treat their children horribly who all have healthy pregnancies. Lots of my friends keep saying “your time will come” and “it will happen when you’re ready” and tbh it kills me. I AM ready. This is my time. It was just horrible luck & one of them unjust parts of life.
Sorry I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent. But no I don’t think you’re a horrible person at all, but at the same time it’s no ones fault what happened. & life will go on regardless, including people getting pregnant and having healthy pregnancies. X

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