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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

MMC at 9 weeks

9 replies

AutumnDays90 · 07/09/2020 20:26

Hello,
Found out in July that I was pregnant. Was a huge (and lovely) surprise for us as we had to have IVF for our daughter who is now two years old. We had never conceived naturally together before in 4 years of trying.

Early scan at 7 weeks showed that we were over a week behind the dates we thought. But there was a heartbeat so no big deal...

Then last week I started spotting very light brown blood when I wiped. Tiny amounts but it carried on for a few days. Eventually got in touch with EPU who arranged a scan last Weds.

Baby had died at about 8 weeks. We are devastated. Decided to have surgical removal under a general on Friday. The procedure went well but I am still just so devastated by our loss.

We can't afford more IVF and we have very little chance of conceiving naturally. This was supposed to be our miracle, the happy 'natural' accident people have after IVF.... But it was taken away from us.

I am due back in work but I am not sure I can face it. I can't pretend I am okay.

I am so grateful we have our daughter and we weren't even trying for this pregnancy really...

Sorry for the long post, no real questions, just needed a space to put down my feelings.

OP posts:
Flackattack · 07/09/2020 20:37

So sorry for your loss Flowers

I had a MMC at 12 weeks, stopped growing at 6. It is just deeply sad. But you will move on but it will never not be sad.

Is there hope if you conceived once naturally you could conceive again?

Original poster
AutumnDays90 · 07/09/2020 21:20

Thank you for your reply, I am so sorry for your loss too Flowers

Naturally conceiving isn't impossible, as you say we did manage it this time. But it has been over two years since we had our daughter and two years before her without ever having a sniff of a BFP before.. So we could be in for a very long wait Sad

I think I would be able to cope a little better with this if I thought we had a good chance of conceiving quickly

OP posts:
Flackattack · 08/09/2020 07:42

Just remember you are not alone and you should talk about it if you find it helps. It’s ok to feel all the emotions. Even if you hadn’t had a challenging fertility journey before you never know and mmc can make things scarier so - the most unhelpful advice Ever - stay positive and keep trying xxx

mrsawhite · 08/09/2020 08:44

So sorry for your loss. We had been trying for nearly 2 years. Found out in July also. Early scan at 8 weeks all good. But at 12 week scan on Friday it had stopped at 8 weeks. It's horrendous. Be kind to yourself x

FrankieChips · 08/09/2020 09:31

We conceived naturally after 4 years of trying and surgery for endometriosis. I’ve never felt happiness like it. I can still feel the rush when I looked at the positive pregnancy test and then the second pregnancy test to make sure it was right. Then we were told it was twins and it became even more exciting (later we found it was 3 but only one progressing). It seems so cruel that everything has gone now. On my day back to work after the miscarriage a colleague went on maternity leave. It was such a mix of happiness for her and sadness for my baby that would have been. I’m dreading the due date. At 43 I’m not sure I want to try again.

Original poster
AutumnDays90 · 08/09/2020 10:27

Thank you Flackattack, I really appreciate your kind and positive words. We are going to try for a little while after I recover, just to see what happens.

Mrsawhite - I am so sorry, what a shock that must have been at your 12 week scan.
I think once we saw a heartbeat we assumed everything would be fine, we weren't prepared at all even with the spotting.

FrankieChips - I am so sorry for your loss, that must have been so incredibly tough.

I am due back at work tomorrow but I am waiting for the GP to call me and provide a fit note. I am just not prepared to return yet, I know that I will fall to pieces if I do.

So sad to see many of us in a similar situation Sad

OP posts:
mrsawhite · 08/09/2020 10:43

I know. Sending you all hugs. I was nervous before the scan but thought I was being dramatic. I knew as soon as she started scanning what she was going to say. Take plenty of time for yourself x

Flackattack · 08/09/2020 20:17

I should probably add as a positive that I went on to have a healthy baby after the mmc. I did have spotting again and was convinced I’d lost the baby but there it was - I was so surprised! So all is not lost, it just might feel like it now. I think I went back to work too soon, should have just taken another week. No one would have cared really but I just felt I had to get on with it, which was good in some ways but take all the time you need!

Janefx40 · 09/09/2020 15:03

Hi @AutumnDays90 I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 8+5 a few weeks ago. She had probably stopped just the day before (in my head she is a she). I also had surgical management.

We had IVF to have our daughter and this miscarriage was from our only frozen embryos so like you there is practically no chance of another baby. I'm also much older so trying again at this age wouldn't have much success.

I have had some low moments about the miscarriage but already feel as tho I am recovering tho, as @Flackattack said, I will always be sad. But it is hard to get my head around the fact that I will never have another baby and that my daughter will be an only child. It's just not quite how I imagined my life or hers would be.

The most helpful conversation I had was with a friend who just suddenly started saying how much she had loved being an only child and how she never felt she had missed out. It really helped me to start to see a different future and one that might be ok.

Anyway sending you lots of love. This is a horrendous time. Hug your girl, cry when you need to and eat lots of chocolate!!!

Xxx

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