I have had two miscarriages before. I wasn't particularly anxious about having a third - if it happens, it happens, I know how to deal with it.
I have just found out I am pregnant again. However, my home situation is dire to say the least (thats a whole other post), my step son is off the rails to say the least (he is nearly 19) and moved out yesterday. I am relieved as I have cried every day since I found out I was pregnant because of his behaviour, the impact it is having on my relationship with his dad, but mainly the stress. And with all of this i have been so super anxious about losing this baby.
Now he has gone, I am able to breathe again. But me and my partner keep arguing about the circumstances around his departure, his recent behaviour etc. I am quite a firey person and I cant keep my mouth shut but the more he puts the blame on me for his son leaving, the more I resent my step son and his appalling behaviour for coming between us. I know he is upset (as am I) but he has directed it all at me.
I really thought the stress would stop now my step son has gone and therefore I would stop stressing about miscarriage. I'm petrified. I've known about a week and at some point cried hysterically every day and at many points, have just been unable to stop crying. I have never been great at containing my emotions.
My partner also has seizures so getting some space is quite difficult as obviously his son has made him quite ill recently.
I have no idea how to create a calm safe space or relax in this current environment I'm in.