Hi, I don’t really know where to start with this i dont have a support network of friends or family, my girlfriend rather early on in are relationship at 4 months had a miscarriage, well we had one. It caused upset obviously and pain. We lost little dot very early on, but something changed in both of us I think probably depression. I have ptsd it’s a monster that lives inside of me, last week it came out, I’d got a positive for covid and my girlfriend all credit to her moved in with me to help. Then the fight, she said something to me that just hurt she said that if she was out with friends she would still bed share with them to save money, I’m a pretty jealous guy and said I’d not really be okay with that and could she not, she said she didn’t know because she didn’t think it was an issue. It was just sleeping so I guess i was just being a tool. But then my ptsd mixed with covid came to the boil and i told her to leave i just couldn’t stop my self i told her to get out and then pretty much spent a few days being a total a hole to her. She didn’t deserve it one bit but i really couldn’t control it i was so lost in this pit of darkness that for me i could barely even breath this horrible monster that came from being a royal marine came out and just went crazy. Just to be clear i didn’t raise a hand to here no violence but i scared her a lot like it’s petrified here, and we’re now over. She once told me she runs away from problems in life but not at work with her job she’s a super hero she’s amazing i won’t say the job incase someone knows her. But i scared her, but to me it wasn’t me it was ptsd, she can’t see that she think if it was said i much have been thinking about it already. We’ve now agreed I guess, to not speak any more she says she doesn’t love me i just don’t understand how love can be gone in 24 hours or even a week. I feel this deep shame for my ptsd i try and keep it away i get support and go groups and mh teams etc but covid mixed in it changed. I now dont know if i just give her space and she will calm down and not be scared and we can fix it or if i keep trying to help or if it’s just over and I’m just heart broken because she really was the one. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly still maybe I’m a total prat and brought this on my self but i just don’t want her hurting sad or depressed alone. I dont know what to do i miss her and want to help i just dont have a place to turn for help and maybe i just need an outsiders view to say leave it and let her go. Thank you