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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Reaching out - late miscarriage procedure today

16 replies

FairySnuffy · 07/08/2020 10:14

Hi all, newbie here been lurking since I found out I was 17 weeks pregnant just 4 weeks ago.
Two scans (private screening and NHS) showed all ok until my 20 weeks scan just 2 days ago.
No heartbeat found and baby looks to have been gone for sometime so currently sat in a Sands room after having to tell those who knew of the outcome.

Feeling a little vulnerable and scared so thought I’d post where I know others have gone through this. I’d be 21 weeks today so know it’s not going to be pleasant but just want it over with.

To explain a bit of background, because we’ve only just found out and been getting our heads around it I still don’t think of it as a ‘baby’ which I think has helped as we’ve bought nothing and not been able to prepare anything either.
I knew the timing wasn’t great and we talked through a termination as my other half’s business isn’t doing well and although I’m in work I’m only on enough to cover the essentials but given how far along we were we agreed we’d try.

Fast forward to now and I wish I’d have had the termination. Feel this is some sort of payback for considering it. Staff are being wonderful but just playing a waiting game to get home. I can even consider giving birth as a milestone as I’m not sure what I even what to know/ don’t know.

I’ve asked to be on my own which everyone seems to try to talk me out of but think it’s best for me so I can keep my own level head and then do the coping afterwards. If I let myself be taken in by their grief I’m not sure I’ll come out of it very well.

Sorry for such a long first post but as it says, reaching out for faceless/ stranger support who won’t judge and many who know how it feels.

OP posts:

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 10:21

Hi @FairySnuffy sorry you're going through this. I had a late miscarriage at 21 weeks a couple of months ago and it is a very difficult thing to face. Our baby was planned and so the circumstances are different for us but there's no judgement from me. I can offer you advice on the physical process and what it's like to give birth and what to expect afterwards if you would like to message me privately xx

Original poster

FairySnuffy · 07/08/2020 11:01

Thank you @Alicia870 I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to go through this too.

The nurses have explained much of the process and I’ve read the ups and downs on here. Trying to not get too bogged down in what’s happening as my goal is just to get home as soon as I can.

Hope you don’t mind me asking on here, happy to PM if not, how long did you end up staying in for? I had the first tablet Wednesday and just had the first lot of tablets vaginally to kick start today.

I’ve been having cramps since 6.30 last night that escalated at 2am this morning but seemed to go off after going to the loo.
Got them starting again, not painful just standard period period style.

Thanks again, using this as one of my distractions to pass the time.

OP posts:

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 11:18

No problem. I had the first tablet on a Tuesday and was sent home for 48 hours and nothing really happened in that time. After I was given the pessary vaginally at 7pm I started with period pains which progressively got worse over the next few hours.
It all got quite intense after the second dose of the pessary 6 hours later. Once I had the second dose he was born about 3 hours later. I used gas and air and did feel I needed diamorphine but just as the midwife went to get it for me he came very quickly so didn't have time to take it. I felt the pain was very low down in my pelvis, it was quite constant and not like contractions that come and go. I have a baby already so this would have been my second labour so it's likely that sped it up a bit. They warned me beforehand that I would feel the urge to push so I was waiting for that but it didn't actually come. He came without much warning but while it was intense it was quick and the pain left me straight away.
Everyone is so different but this is just my experience. Do ask if you have any other questions.
I don't know if you're planning on seeing your baby but the midwives will be able to talk you through what to expect. We did hold him and I do think it massively helped us however I appreciate you're in a different position.

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 11:21

Sorry forgot to answer your question - He was born in the early hours of the morning and we went home about 12 hours later. There were no complications with my delivery. But could have gone earlier if we hadn't wanted to spend time with him.

EssentialHummus · 07/08/2020 11:23

Nothing to add OP but wishing you very well.

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 11:24

Keep forgetting things! They did tell me it can often take the 3 doses of the tablet to get it going but the second dose did it for me, just to let you know that

Original poster

FairySnuffy · 07/08/2020 11:28

Thank you @EssentialHummus
💖

Thanks too @Alicia870 I don’t think I will see as there’s a possibility of some issues with his/her head as none of the scans have been able to measure it.

I so scared of the aftermath and my mental ability to keep going. I’m feeling changes and cramps that have gone up since getting here but nothing too painful although still needing the loo (like constipation feeing) but darent go in case it happens in there.

Thank you for sharing I really appreciate it. I think I might ask for handprints and photos to go on file so I can come back and view if I change my mind.

I’m feeling all sorts of emotions at the moment. Thankfully nothing dark but annoyed at the situation, angry, sad but not sure why. Really messes with your head doesn’t it

OP posts:

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 11:34

I understand @FairySnuffy it is a very difficult thing to go through and can imagine when you only found out a few weeks ago it must be very overwhelming.

They advised me to put the cardboard trays in the toilet to help ease my fear about that maybe you could ask them for that? I was very scared. I remember having bleeding too like a plug almost. I hope they're giving you lots of support.
I'm sure they will advise you on where to go for support afterwards. Sending you hugs and you've got this - it does take strength to go through something like this but you have it and you're not alone. There are so many people who have been through this and I'm sure you will recover from this and be able to move on in time. Wishing you a safe delivery. Hugs

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 11:37

Gosh I keep forgetting to write things. I would also advise that you have some photographs taken, even of baby's hands and feet etc and if you don't feel ready to see them just yet, they can file them away for you. At least you know they're there if you do feel ready at some point. It's an unpredictable experience and emotions go up and down so you don't know how you might feel in a few weeks or months.

Original poster

FairySnuffy · 07/08/2020 12:14

Pain is coming in waves now, ramped up to bad period cramps so had paracetamol but not to the point where I need more pain relief yet. I’m hoping this has worked with the first lot but not thinking I’m that lucky that it is just in case.

Does seem to be in my pelvis and back at the moment.

OP posts:

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 13:03

It could be kicking off @FairySnuffy - they will be absolutely willing to give u any pain relief you need. Honestly just after getting the second dose (orally) it really kicked off so it's a really good sign this has started with the first dose. Hope you're ok- you're doing great

Original poster

FairySnuffy · 07/08/2020 15:27

You were right @Alicia870. I gave birth at 2pm and it was clear to the midwife the baby has some deformity to its head so I’ve chosen not to see him/ her but to have photos and hand prints stored for if/ when I’m ready.

Feeling remarkably calm and just tired although I had to have morphine as it took a good 3 hours so I’m sure once that wears off I’ll hurt and be a lot more sore than I am.

Thanks again for your support I really appreciate it xx

OP posts:

Alicia870 · 07/08/2020 16:35

Oh bless you. I'm glad it's over for you now. If it's any comfort I had no pain after my birth but there is likely to be heavy bleeding for a while. They can give you a tablet to suppress milk so if they don't offer you could ask about it. Hope you get some rest now and sorry you had to go through this

myhousekey · 07/08/2020 17:03

Oh @FairySnuffy Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 22 weeks 4 years ago. I would definitely recommend photos and hand/footprints. I wish I had an infinite number of those.

Sands have a helpline staffed by real people, you can ring and cry or ring and get advice 0808 164 3332 They also have an app with all their leaflets and info on, in one place.

My only advice would be take everything hour by hour, don't be pushed into any decisions by anyone, take your time, and never ever blame yourself.

Alicia870 · 11/08/2020 10:22

How are you doing OP?

Original poster

FairySnuffy · 14/08/2020 11:27

Hi @Alicia870 sorry I’m not getting notifications for this for some reason.
Managed to get home the same day and so far so good. Sorted post mortem and awaiting a call next week for a cremation to try and give myself a close to it.

Head space seems Ok but physically still healing and hoping things go back to normal soon. Still heavy bleeding and strange goings on down there but guess it’s going to take at least a few weeks.

Thanks for following up xx

OP posts:

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