Miscarriage emotional aftermath.

[LauraHN95]

I had a missed miscarriage back in 2018. I found it pretty terrifying, it was my first pregnancy and I ended up in hospital needing a transfusion and it felt like a never ending nightmare.

All the way up to the due date I cried pretty much everyday, I was angry, I screamed a lot, I punched many walls just trying to get out the anger. I think it's safe to say I didn't cope with it well. After about a year I finally started to feel like I was ready to try again, sadly all attempts have failed & we've now stopped ttc because of what's going on in the world.

I've noticed instead of being angry I've become really bitter & jealous. I've had a couple of friends give birth lately and there seems to have been hundreds of pregnancies around me and instead of instantly feeling happy for my friends I think "why isn't it me?" .. Trust me, I know their pregnancies are amazing and I shouldn't compare it to my experience, I get frustrated with myself because I can't just be happy for people. Does it ever end? Does the jealousy stop? I feel like I can't be around my pregnant friends because I don't want to ruin the experience for them but then I just distance myself from everyone and become alone and all I think about is losing my baby. It's like a vicious cycle I can't seem to get out of.

Sorry for the long post.

Hi Laura,
I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. It's so so hard. I have had similar feelings and the anger is valid. Beneath the anger might be sadness. You might need to let yourself be sad, mourn and acknowledge your feelings otherwise it'll eat you up and ruin your friendships. I see a therapist and it's really helpful. X

Hi @LauraHN95 sorry for your losses and I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I lost a baby at 5 months and the bitterness is so intense towards others. It's just a constant reminder of it being unfair.
I think people who haven't been through a loss really can't appreciate how heart breaking it is to stand by and congratulate them when it got taken away from you. It's just a completely natural reaction. I wish I had some more advice for you but all I can say is I know how you feel, and I'm sure countless others do too. It is so unfair and difficult. Hugs to you

@notpsychic thank you. I’m going to speak to my gp about bereavement counselling when I’m able to get an appointment. It’s worth a try.

@Alicia870 I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Yes the bitterness is the worst! I can’t help but feel it and then I hate myself for having such a feeling to someone else’s wonderful pregnancy. It’s strange because my friends who’ve never been pregnant seem to understand better than the ones who have been. I think my pregnant friends are just enjoying their pregnancies so much (rightfully so) that it’s hard to think of anything else. But then I think they shouldn’t have to worry about my reactions because they should enjoy every second of their pregnancies. It’s such a battle within yourself and a hell of a lot of confusion on how you should feel. It has got a lot easier over the last year but I think stopping TTC because of the current situation and having pregnancies surrounding me and yesterday being 2 years since the baby scan has just been a lot! Thank you tho. As much as I hate other people have been through similar situations there is comfort knowing you’re not alone.