3rd miscarriage and I am so angry.

[NotMaryWhitehouse]

Been trying for two and half years now. One chemical followed by a miscarriage at 8 weeks last October and this morning have started bleeding at six weeks exactly.

I am SO ANGRY. Angry with myself for having an abortion years ago. Angry with my husband for not being ready to try sooner. Angry with all the shit parents I see who are mean to their kids in the street. Angry with the IVF clinic who haven't got back to us since COVID to rearrange our appointments. Furious with myself for eating to the point now that I have too much weight to lose between now and end of November (when I turn 40) for them to do a free cycle.
Frustrated that I have t asked them rifts now to try progesterone injections since my mum also had repeated miscarriages that only the injections stopped.
Why does this keep happening to us? I was so so happy and now I am sitting here waiting to miscarry. Again.

So sorry for your losses. It’s heartbreaking and so painful to go through it repeatedly. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Chances are, there is an underlying reason for the losses and it’s not your fault.
I lost 3 first trimester and 1 second trimester pregnancy; it was life changing and bloody awful. I found a load of support on the recurrent miscarriage threads here. But I haven’t been on here for years because my second ds was finally born 4 years ago, after a lot of medication and a very, very anxious pregnancy (I’m back here looking for information for a friend of a friend!)
The only thing that got me through the pain of losing my dd at 21 weeks was to research, google and not take ‘no idea’ as an answer from my hospital for why it all happened. Most likely, I had APS (but only in pregnancy?) and it was a combination of aspirin, progesterone and tinzaparin that resulted in ds2. But I had to fight for it, get tested elsewhere (2 other hospitals) and come up with my own ‘throw the kitchen sink at it’ medication plan using information I gleaned from talk boards and medical journals! Unfortunately, as the charity Tommy’s regularly points out, miscarriage care is still very patchy and the whole subject is massively under researched. But you will get there. One way or another. Just be prepared to take it all into your own hands and go elsewhere if you’re not happy with the treatment you’re getting. There was also a great book called ‘One in Four’ (I think) that explained a lot of what I’d been through and was quite hopeful. Good luck. 🤞🏻