2nd miscarriage

[Jg80]

Hi I just joined here tonight and have been reading through some posts to try and come to terms with what I have been through in the past 7 months. At the beginning of the year me and my partner decided to try for a baby I have 2 teenage daughters from a previous relationship and my partner has a daughter with his ex. After only a few weeks of trying I got pregnant I was really excited but never had the feeling of being pregnant. I got a private scan which showed an 8 week 4 day baby with a heartbeat and it was amazing. I had my 12 week scan booked but 3 days before I suffered a small bleed and when arriving at EPU I was told there was no heartbeat and growing had stopped not long after 9 weeks. We were devastated. Unfortunately it was the start of COVID restrictions so I had to wait 2 weeks for medical managment. During this time there was no pain or bleeding. On the day of the treatment I was heartbroken and terrified. after 2 lots of medication and 6 hours later it was over and I never thought things would be the same. Me and my partner chatted and decided it was just “one of them things” and would try again. Within weeks I was pregnant I was anxious but determined I wasn’t going to worry to much. I got a reassurance scan at 8 weeks and all was good. This time I had sickness tiredness and everything else but I was loving it as that meant I was really pregnant. I got to 10 weeks and it all vanished. I spoke with the midwife and she assured me it was normal at this time. A few days later I had the slightest bit of brown stuff and I just knew. I pleaded with the midwife to take me the week before my 12 week scan and she agreed. Once again deja vu baby had just got past 9 weeks and no heart beat. This time there was no tears I was numb. I agreed to medical management again. That day of my scan I went home and decided to go for a bath and take in what had happened. In the bath there was no pain but I did start bleeding heavily I stood to get out the bath and something dropped and it was a sight I will never forget. I couldn’t believe how quickly everything happened. The next morning I passed the placenta and I was in horrendous pain. I then had a scan which confirmed the miscarriage was complete and I needed no more treatment. I still can’t believe what has happened since January. I just turned 40 last week and am just thinking am I too old? Also both these pregnancy’s had heartbeats and passed at almost the same time. Do you think this means the babies had something wrong with them? I would still love my rainbow baby but I am not sure if me and my partner could go through this again. I have asked for testing but been told it doesn’t happen until a third miscarriage which I don’t want to experience. Do we just give up or do we look and see if there’s anything we can do to help this pregnancy along like medication. I am just so confused right now and would love to know how others have coped xx

I'm only 30 and had 2 MCs. It's so hard especially early on as you dont know how you should feel and there is a lot of unanswered questions. I chose to try again soon after the second one, I'm now 4 weeks from giving birth. I figured if I did have another MC at least I could have investigations to get an answer into why it was happening. The only thing I did different with this pregnancy was take baby asprin (after a good discussion first with my GP who agreed to monitor and keep in touch) I'm not sure if that did anything to help or if the previous 2 MCs where just not viable embryos.
Take the time out you need and take the time for you, it truly is a heartbreaking time but it doesnt mean it will never happen.

Aww @Lucky08 your post really did make me smile and I wish you all the best for the future. I Think this is what I am looking for is just a bit of positivity I feel the last few months have been so up and down and then I think have I really done something so bad in my life to deserve this. I think the hard part is my daughters knew about the first pregnancy and where so hurt when it ended so I didn't tell them about this one and in a way I have saved them the pain but it means me and my partner have to act like nothing has happened. I am going to see if I can have a chat with my gp about the baby aspirin I knew nothing about this until the last midwife spoke about putting me on it at 12 weeks but I never made it. Thank you for sharing that with me xx

Aww @Lucky08 your post really did make me smile and I wish you all the best for the future. I Think this is what I am looking for is just a bit of positivity I feel the last few months have been so up and down and then I think have I really done something so bad in my life to deserve this. I think the hard part is my daughters knew about the first pregnancy and where so hurt when it ended so I didn't tell them about this one and in a way I have saved them the pain but it means me and my partner have to act like nothing has happened. I am going to see if I can have a chat with my gp about the baby aspirin I knew nothing about this until the last midwife spoke about putting me on it at 12 weeks but I never made it. Thank you for sharing that with me xx

That's okay. I felt exactly the same, all I saw where negative stories and I just wanted someone to tell me it could still happen even when I felt it never would. If you feel your daughter would be supportive then speak to her, it really does help having as much support as you can around you. It is about you atm and no one else. You want to cry, then do it, you want a day in bed then do it and dont feel bad for it.
From what you said on your first post I would mention to your GP about how it happened the second time, I ended up having to have therapy as I just kept having flashbacks of the clots.
Honestly if there is anything you want to ask me or speak about, please do. Xx

Hi ladies, I’ve just seen your thread and I hope you don’t mind me jumping in! I’m so sorry to hear about your losses 😢 and a huge congratulations @Lucky08 for your rainbow baby 🌈👶 I am 36 and my husband and I have a beautiful 7.5 yr old daughter together, after years of pestering from my husband, I finally gave in and we started TTC in March this year, we were delighted when I got my BFP in May but only a week later I started spotting.. a scan at the EPAU identified a gestational sac and advised it was probably implantation but booked me in for another scan in 2 weeks.. I miscarried that afternoon 😢 we were amazed to discover we had caught again straight after the MC before I had a period so dating wasn’t exact but my symptoms were strong and I felt really positive, around 6W (a week ago Saturday) I had a sudden light bleed after a BM and was booked in for a scan last Monday.. a healthy heartbeat was detected and a fetal pole measuring 6W +4! I was so happy I burst into tears! I was prescribed Cyclogest (progesterone) and had another scan booked for this Monday just gone... the scan showed that my rainbow’s heart had stopped and no growth had taken place! My world fell apart 😢😢 I’ve had to take 2 lots of tablets as the first yesterday didn’t work, and of these don’t I’ve been booked in for an ERPC next Wednesday. I know I am incredibly lucky to have my already perfect little family and I feel incredibly selfish that I want just one more.. a sibling for my daughter. My emotions are everywhere right now, from fear of never getting another healthy full term pregnancy to not being able to conceive at all! 😢 I was also advised by the EPAU that upon getting a BFP in the future I’ve to take 150mg Aspirin everyday and once they can confirm a viable pregnancy I’ll continue taking the progesterone as well 🙏🏻🤞🏼🌈 Your thread has really helped me and I just needed to get my story out there, anywhere! I hope you don’t mind? Sending love and prayers to you both ❤️

I'm so so sorry. Never feel guilty or selfish for wanting a baby regardless of being your first or 5th, each baby is special and much wanted, and why shouldn't you deserve to have another child. I never wanted children before meeting my partner and can always remember the guilt that the MC's where my fault for that reason, however over time I've learnt that it wasnt my fault at all.
I was going to give up after the second time, however I googled positive stories following multiple mc's and peoples positive stories kept me going and trying. There where some people out there that had up to 6 mc's before going on to have their rainbow babies.
As bittersweet as it sounds I also knew that if it happened again I would have investigations and an answer to why it was happening, and then maybe a solution. I found it really hard that my body was not doing what it was supposed to do, yet u had no idea why.
Sending big hugs your way.

Hi @LisaM1983 I am sorry you are also going through what myself and @Lucky08 have had it's really not easy physically and emotionally. And I found myself during my second pregnancy this year having to explain why I wanted another baby to people since I already had 2 teenagers. I've had a bit of a painful crampy day my miscarriage was only 6 days ago but pains and bleeding died down after 2 days but today is more clots and pain. I received my blood results that I got done last week before I knew I was having a miscarriage and it came back saying my iron levels where very low and I needed to visit my doctor. So I called and they've agreed to give me iron tablets as my levels will be lower again after this miscarriage. She's agreed to check my thyroids liver and vitamin D levels which is something. Now I keep thinking if only I got all this done before the second pregnancy things might have been different. I do love @Lucky08 story cause like I said I think I was just fearing the worse of not trying again because of the fear of a 3rd miscarriage or actually having a third but maybe I need to change my way of thinking and have some positivity. Get all my bloods and stuff checked fill myself with all the goodness I can before I decide what's for the best xx

Hi my story is very similar - 40 and two miscarriages one in April and one that is happening now. I had the “products” tested after the first one (had a d&c) and it showed chromosomal abnormality - heart stopped around week nine. Not having the second one tested as it was too early to be able to do so (think around week seven but actually was a blighted ovum I think). Doctor thinks it is again most likely because of chromosomes and this is due to my age most likely. I am private not nhs so am having all the recurrent miscarriage tests as soon as I have had my first period after this miscarriage. But my doctor is fully expecting it all to be fine and says effectively that we just need to get lucky with a good egg. Am on a raft of supplements - including the coq10 stuff - to try to give my eggs the best possible chance. Who knows. My doctor says the most important thing is that I am still getting pregnant quite quickly which is very important at my age and she says that as long as that happens there is no need to consider ivf. I don’t have any other children - met my husband quite late in life - and I will have to keep going even though I know the risks of another miscarriage are quite high. But all you need is one good egg and it can happen. In the middle of the current miscarriage I can’t quite believe that I will ever be strong enough to take the risk of another miscarriage. But I think once this is over and I have had some time to recover I will feel better and more hopeful. I don’t know. But - read it starts with the egg as that has loads of stuff about how to make sure your eggs are the best quality as possible - lots of what the books says my doctor has also said. I am not saying of course that your circumstances and causes etc are the same as mine - just adding my own experience to the mix.

It’s so hard isn’t it. I always thought the problem would be getting pregnant. Had no idea it would be staying pregnant.

I hope things get better xx

Also if you want another child and are in a position to give it love and security then why should you not go for it. And the fact that you already have children cannot stop the pain of losing a baby to a miscarriage. I feel like these are all normal healthy feelings and needs and you don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames I am so sorry you are currently going through this for a second time it's horrible. How are you feeling now? I got my tests back from doctors the other day and all where fine except the anemia so in a way that's good but it's not given me any answers. So for the time being an just trying to shift a bit of weight eat healthy and take my supplements. At the moment I am only taking pregnacare, iron and vitamin D but I am looking into see if there's anything else I can add that would maybe help with my situation. Thank you for advising me on reading "it starts with the egg" I downloaded it the other day on audible and am currently half way through so I am taking in some of the information from that as well. I am willing to do what I need to see where I go from here I am back at the stage again of "wanting to give it one last try" and my partner has agreed if I think I could cope if things did go wrong for a third time then he would love to try again but only if am fully ready but like I said am taking 2/3 months out to try and make myself that bit more healthier. Thank you once again for sharing your story with me and fingers crossed we get what we want xx

Hello I am so sorry hear of your losses .I have had a miscarriage at 7 weeks 3 weeks ago and had a stillbirth loss 2 years ago with our daughter .It is so hard to keep trying and not being able stay pregnant .I have been researching Recurrent loss .I am 39 so am aware of the time issues .I hope everyone is doing ok . Thanks Hels

@Helliemay hello and welcome to the chat we never wanted to be a part of but here we are. Firstly I am sorry for both your losses I hope you are doing ok and being kind to yourself. Me am fine at the moment had a meltdown when I got my first period after the miscarriage think it was hormones and just exhaustion of the past few months but I've picked myself up once again and trying to carry on the best I can. It's not easy but what else can we do xx

Hello JG80 Thankyou for your message . Thanks I am sorry we all find ourselves here we all understand how it feels.I am ok thanks taking each day as it comes.I hope you are feeling ok as you can be ? I am waiting for mine know I will feel the same after a while without a period always emotional time more so after a loss .Keep strong I hope you have good support around you .xx