Any paeds nurses?

[Tayler89]

Hi ladies,

I am really struggling with the thought of returning to work after a MMC discovered at 12 weeks. I have had 3 weeks off so far and am probably going to have to extend my sick note. I am a paeds nurse and I did enjoy my job beforehand but was going through a bit of a rocky patch there right before my MC which is making the thought of it all 10x worse.

Right now though, I am struggling to even see adverts for nappies, let alone family and friends children and my pregnant friends. I work on a ward where we see mostly under 2s and I really don’t how I will cope.

I wondered if there are any other paeds nurses or even nursery staff/generally people that work with babies and little ones that could share their own experiences. I don’t know whether I am being too dramatic in thinking I will need months off for this, or to change to a totally different setting with more teenagers and young adults or something.

Any kind words appreciated xxx

I’m a nurse... I had a MC in January, I took a month off and tbh the longer I was off the worse I was feeling and the more I was absolutely terrified about going back to the point I was making myself sick.
I bit the bullet and went back as I was thinking if I don’t go back now I never will... first day was a bit iffy I was teary at times (mostly due to people giving sympathetic smiles and asking if I was ok etc) but next day it was as if I had never been away.
Go back when you feel ready- I honestly think being back at work helped me recover, when I was at home I couldn’t escape my own mind wondering what I had done to cause it and what I could have done differently.
I still think of my little ‘orange seed’ especially now I’m coming up to what would have been my due date... I still get teary, and I still dream.
Not sure if this will help but it’s just my experience, take care and look after yourself x

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Miscarriages are awful, heartbreaking things.

I’m a Health Visitor and has a miscarriage trying to conceive my first baby. Going back to work was awful, I pushed myself to go back too soon and ended up breaking down crying at work several times. I made two attempts to go back to work, once after a month and again after about 6 weeks. After that second attempt I realised that I really wasn’t ok, and got some counselling through work. That helped a lot, and made me realise there was a lot of background stuff that was contributing to me feeling low after the miscarriage. In the end I think I had about 4 months off and then had a phased return to work.

Everyone responds differently to miscarriages. Some people can process it and move on very quickly, for others it can take much longer. Don’t judge yourself if you don’t feel able to go back to work yet. Things will get better. Speak to occupational health if you think some counselling would be helpful xxx

I am so sorry for your loss

HCP here also, I had 4 MMCs, but also 4 DSs (eventually!).

Returning to work positively helped me - the distraction, the need to concentrate on something else rather than just the gaping hole inside me, the validation that my life had a purpose and value even if I was not going to be a mother, at least not in the next few months etc etc.

Seeing other babies and children, prams, nappies etc gave me a sting but it also taught me that I did not want THAT baby, I wanted MINE, so was not actually a terrible thing to see them. It was helpful to be reminded that people ARE having babies, all the time, so why not me in due course?

Obiously different things are helpful to different people but I would be very careful in avoiding the things you find painful as this can be a rather slippery patch to longterm sickness absence.
Seek some counselling support, speak to Occ Health and do something every day that is a kindness to yourself. Really look after yourself. And get outside at least once a day - it is good for body and soul.

I really hope you feel more positive soon x.

Hey, I am so sorry for your loss. I also work with children and parents but mostly over the age of 8. It's an emotionally demanding job and have definitely gone back to work too soon. The thing that drives me is my commitment to children and them having the best lives possible and so work brought back a part of me that would have otherwise gotten lost in the grief. There's no easy answers. X

Hey, I am so sorry for your loss. I also work with children and parents but mostly over the age of 8. It's an emotionally demanding job and have definitely gone back to work too soon. The thing that drives me is my commitment to children and them having the best lives possible and so work brought back a part of me that would have otherwise gotten lost in the grief. There's no easy answers. X