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How do you cope with pregnancy announcements?
15

Dancingfairydreams · 20/06/2020 22:50

I had an ectopic pregnancy 6 weeks ago, resulting in emergency surgery, massive blood loss, a blood transfusion & the removal of one of my tubes. Very traumatic time. First pregnancy, have been ttc over a year, have pcos....so this feels very raw.

Yesterday a close family member announced their pregnancy, I'm absolutely heartbroken. It's just feels so unfair given the timing.

Is it normal I feel so bad?! Does it get easier? I feel really bad for feeling this way but everything is still so fresh & raw for me

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ThinkingIsAllowed · 20/06/2020 23:04

it's normal to feel how you feel. I'm sorry you're having a hard time x

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GingerCalico · 20/06/2020 23:16

I think if it were me i'd give that friend/family member a bit of distance. Im not sure i could be truely happy for them as aweful as that sounds.

Doesnt mean you can become happy for them, give yourself time to heal, then when you feel a little better congratulate her. She'll be fine trust me, people swarm around pregnant women she'll be inundated with lots of congrats she wont miss yours just yet

At the same time when i would choose to congratulate her i might skip over the reason, as I wouldnt want to frighten a happily pregnant lady with my misfortune, but i'd wait until after their child was born to really chat to them and explain everything

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PurpleDaisies · 20/06/2020 23:19

I think the only thing that helps is knowing loads of us find it hard and it’s totally normal to be upset. Flowers

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HansBanans · 21/06/2020 00:06

@Dancingfairydreams sorry for your loss OP. We had a MC in January at about 6-7 weeks. The first pregnancy announcement after that absolutely floored me, as did the next. It's heartbreaking but I promise it gets easier x

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Crumpettes · 21/06/2020 06:59

I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t really have any advice about pregnancy announcements except that for me personally, it only seems to be hard seeing pregnant people and newborns. Once the baby is a bit older I don’t find it so hard because now that baby is just a person and not a symbol of what I lost - does that make sense?? So please know that it’s fine to keep your distance from this family member for as long as you need but it won’t always be so hard.
I would also get someone else maybe to let her know that you have struggled with something pregnancy related so are finding it hard to deal with but that you are happy for her. Just so she understands why you might not be enthusiastic about baby showers or talking about her pregnancy or whatever.

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EL8888 · 21/06/2020 07:16

Really not sure, in all honestly l would love to know. Personally l will it to be by text or message so l can prepare myself. One person we know has conceived 2 and had 2 babies in the time we have been trying

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MissSmiley · 21/06/2020 07:27

@dancingfairydreams I suffered years of infertility, my first ivf pregnancy ended in miscarriage and it was incredibly difficult to cope with but with regards to other people's pregnancies and babies, the way I rationalised it was that I didn't want their baby or their pregnancy, I was sad for me not being pregnant and it was my baby that I longed for, it helped me not to feel bothered about these announcements, whether they had a child or not didn't make my sadness any more or any less

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squirrelnutkins1 · 21/06/2020 09:23

Sorry your loss and the hard time you're having 💔 I've been there and pregnancy announcements floored me for days and then seeing a newborn killed me, but like a PP said, once the baby is older I found it easier to deal with. It's totally normal to feel how you feel. You can be happy for them but sad for you at the same time - I learnt that in counselling following my mc.
My friend had her baby the week I had a mc and it took me five weeks to go and visit and I could barely look at the baby let alone hold it, but I was fine playing with her toddler.
Emotions are emotions and it's fine to feel however you feel xx

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Dancingfairydreams · 21/06/2020 11:37

Thank you all so much for comments, its reassuring to know its not just me being super mean!! I think the thing that stings is that this pregnancy was an "accident"...mine was so longed for. It just feels so unfair.

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ReginaaPhalange · 21/06/2020 11:47

I feel your pain, trust me here, I really do, however, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? How would you feel if you had announced your pregnancy and that family friend/ relative had just gone though what you had, and therefor distanced her self from you?

I know it's raw just now and it's not something you will ever get over, it's like grief, it gets easier in time but you never recover from it.

She may have been debating whether to say anything or not because of fear of upsetting you.

Be happy for her, don't treat her any different, but you can hide her social media posts for a while until you are emotionally ready to face it.

I genuinely wish you all the best and hope in time you can start to come to terms with what has happened. Massive hugs to you x

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PurpleDaisies · 21/06/2020 13:19

How would you feel if you had announced your pregnancy and that family friend/ relative had just gone though what you had, and therefor distanced her self from you?

Those of us that have been through it would totally understand.

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Brieminewine · 21/06/2020 13:28

I used to feel exactly the same, I couldn’t even watch the series of keeping up with the kardashians when khloe was pregnant because I was so jealous! It’s so bloody hard, the only thing that kinda helped was accepting that this may not happen for us and to just enjoy life for what it was but it took three years for me to get to that point. Luckily I got my happy ending and I hope you do too Flowers

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Dancingfairydreams · 21/06/2020 14:53

@ReginaaPhalange just to clarify, I've congratulated & asked all the normal questions, I would never outwardly show my true feelings to her, itll be nice to have another little one at family events etc, I'll even enjoy going shopping for gifts when its born, but for now I'm sad due to the proximity of my loss, that is all.

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ReginaaPhalange · 21/06/2020 15:33

@Dancingfairydreams I know that hun and I fully sympathise with you. I've been in your position as it honestly sucks. My best friend was pregnant the same time as me so to put on the brave face for her. We did talk about it and she was nervous around me etc and she never fully relaxed until baby was about 6 months.

Wishing you all the best hun x

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Longingtobeamumforlong · 21/06/2020 17:12

I hear you. A colleague brought her new born in the office after I lost mine, hearing the new born cried all over the office non-stop made me breakdown, reminded of my loss and hit me unexpectedly as I had no idea she will show up with a newborn at the office that time.

Most of my friends don’t know my miscarriages, only a few close ones do. This help me to avoid those awkward moments. I think couples who have successful pregnancy don’t really understand what we have been through and may take it the wrong way. I would still go to their baby showers and keep in touch with them but I would never see their new born babies until they are 6 months older.

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