Three late miscarriages. My heart is breaking.

[Crumpettes]

Today I found out at my 20 week scan that our baby has died. I lost another baby at her twenty week scan in 2018, and lost a baby who measured just over 12 weeks in 2019.

I have had all tests on me and the babies and nobody can find anything wrong. How can the world be so cruel? How can three healthy babies just stop living? I have had one successful pregnancy so I don’t know what’s gone wrong since then but I know now that I will never have my rainbow baby. I’m sick of being the person everyone feels sorry for. I’m sick of the awkwardness. The pain every time I see a baby announcement. I want to sleep but I’m scared of waking up and remembering what’s happened.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like an unbelievably hard time. It's understandable you are sick of everything, I just wish I had an answer for you.

I am so sorry this has happened to you again, it really is heartbreaking and lonely experience.

I am so so sorry you are going through this x

I’m so so sorry.

Various hospitals across the country have specialist pre term birth clinics - I don’t know if you were already being seen by one but if not, they may be able to help?

Thank you all for your kind messages. I was meant to have an appointment with a specialist at Tommy’s Baby loss clinic next month but that’s been cancelled because of Covid. They said they’ll be in touch in six months to let me know if it can be rearranged. My partner is in his 40s and doesn’t want to have children much later, so I don’t think we’ll be having another. It’s just so hard to accept. 52 weeks of pregnancy in total with nothing to show for it. The toll on my body and mind is just so intense.
I am so lucky to have my three year old. I just keep thinking how thankful I am that he survived when all my other babies didn’t.

I am so sorry. That is so tough. If you're on Facebook, join 'my first, my last, my everything'. I find it really comforting to see lots of happy triangle families.

Oh honey im sorry it does always seem so unfair. Give yourself some time, and maybe in a few months the clinics will open up again. 3x miscarriages qualifies you for genetic tests i believe.

But for now please remember those who love you, friends who want to know youre alright, and a little'un who thinks youre the best thing ever im sure

So sorry op.

I'm so sorry you're going through this awful time. It happened to me twice, slightly different as I had a weak cervix, but I understand and remember the heartbreak. I hope you rest peacefully tonight.

I am so sorry 💐 Life can be so cruel and unfair. I lost my ‘miracle’ baby at just under 8 weeks last November - I have a daughter already, conceived my IVF when I was 34 and the baby I lost was conceived naturally. I’m now 40 and doubt after years of infertility and then secondary infertility that I’ll ever be able to have a second child. I still grieve my lost little one, I can’t imagine how painful it must have been for you to lose three. I hope you find peace somehow and that there will be specialised help available to find out why this happened and to try again.

I am so sorry ❤️ this is unbelievably cruel, sending you lots of love xxx

This is heart breaking.. I can imagine your pain as I lost a baby at 20 weeks too in November. I can't imagine losing 3..

I will pray for your peace and health. Please remember there are people who care and love you, and you're so so lucky to have your son ❤️

Please take care x

I am so sorry for your losses, sometimes it feels like there are just no answers, no explanations and its so hard to continue to have hope.
Make sure you push for help from the hospital, as they really should look into this for you, although there is always the risk that they won't find any answers sadly, but should be offering support for you at this very difficult time.
So glad that you have your little boy to love and look after and hope that he helps to make you smile again. Wishing you strength and healing going forward.