Twins pregnancy loss

[Rycey]

Hi all,
This is my first post, but me and my misses were expecting identical twins, was shocked at first but after a day or so we were over the moon and couldn’t wait.

Yesterday we went for a private scan, the first one I had attended out of the 3 she had previously had (my partner was very anxious while pregnant), and they couldn’t find either of the heartbeats which was so soul destroying. They rang the hospital and got us booked in for tomorrow (Monday 1st July), but in my opinion I think making a woman wait knowing that they’re babies hearts may not be beating is beyond me.

We have cried so much between finding that out and now, we spoke and my misses decided she would rather have the MVA instead of passing them naturally.... But, as the twins had passed over a week ago we didn’t get this choice, she passed atleast one earlier ( we know due to my partner looking, after wondering what came out), and honestly I wish neither of us had. It’s an image nobody should have to see, and one I’ll never be able to forget. We are unsure if she has passed the second, as I’ve asked her not to look again as it can’t be good for her mentality. She’s bleeding very very heavily so would in any of your opinions mean that both have passed?

I can’t begin to explain how soul destroying this is, and I am so so proud of my partner for how strong she is and for coping so well. I think the worst part is seeing her in so much pain and anguish, knowing that there’s nothing I can do to make it any better for her. I also feel bad as I’m the one breaking down constantly, and it’s her having to comfort me, and I know it should be the other way round!

I just thought I would start a thread for any males who have been through similar, so they have somewhere to share their feelings upon it, as I think us as males need to speak out more about how things like this affect us, and I know it must be super hard for the females, how emotionally, physically and mentally draining it must be for you all.

I know there’s a light at the end of this ordeal, and it’s the thought of that which is getting me through this, and to be strong for my partner as she needs me more than ever.

Thankyou if you read this.

I'm so sorry for your sad news, I too have suffered the pain of miscarriage. You sound like a lovely supportive man, just what your wife will need at this time. Best wishes to you both and I hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thankyou for taking the time to share and reach out to others, I wish you and your partner all the best and having had a miscarriage myself, please don't beat yourself up about getting upset, share your feelings and allow yourself to cry. You sound like a lovely considerate person.

Thankyou both for your supportive replies, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve both suffered the same in the past! We’ve both cried and held each other, and she knows I’m here for her through whatever the future may hold. I will update in the comments what is said/happens tomorrow for anyone who’s wanting to know... Just hoping they allow me in with her despite what’s going on the world.

Thinking of you today, if I could send you comfort I would, my only advice is be there for each other.

Thankyou so much, it means a lot and we appreciate it! We've just got back, the good news is that she passed majority of it yesterday naturally, there's just a little bit of tissue left to pass. It's not the way she wanted, but atleast we're over the worst of it now, and I can't begin to describe how proud I am of her for being so strong. You women are incredible people, for being able to go through all of this, be there for the man aswell as yourselves and to stay strong so mentally 💜

OP, I am so so sorry. I know you wanted a thread for male partners, but I've just lost twins at almost 21 weeks myself, and so couldn't not reply. You sound so wonderfully kind and supportive of your partner. But do remember to take the time you need for yourself to grieve too.

Originally it was, but if it becomes a thread were both males & females display their emotions I'm happy with that.... I am honestly so sorry to hear that, we was only 10 weeks gone and we're both broken, so I can't even begin to imagine how yourself your partner is feeling! Thankyou for them kind words, we're both grieving together as I don't want her to be alone through this, I've told her that if she wants to try again we will do it on her terms as it's her body & mental state it affects the most. If there's any advice I could give anyone that I've learnt; it's okay to not be okay, it's okay to cry and break down.... Even if you're meant to be a tough bloke, because at the end of the day, we're only human.

I came back to see how today went, it's such an incredibly painful time and for both of you emotions are all over the place but of course for your wife hormones play a big part too. You will never forget those darling twins whatever happens in the future because rightly they are so important to you. I hope that the next few days / weeks go as well as they can, emotion will overtake you when you least expect it

It's lovely that you came back to see, thankyou.... It is, and it's something I wouldn't wish anyone to go through, she's been real strong, almost too strong but time will tell. You're right, I think we'll always remember them as they were to be our first children.... Well I'm literally about to leave for work so let's hope it doesn't hit me while I'm there, but thankyou so much, we'll be fine, we have each other and that's all that matters.