Miscarriage at 18+ weeks

[MrsAath]

Hi all, I have just joined the forum and wanted to hear from anyone that has been through something similar. 3 and a half months ago exactly I had an induced labour as we found out I had miscarried at over 18weeks. It was a complete shock and I feel like most people were sympathetic at the beginning (Other people didn’t address it at all maybe because they didn’t know what to say) but now I am surrounded by friends talking about their babies and pregnancies and it just brings up a lot of emotion. I feel very alone as I don’t know anyone who has been through the same and how they dealt with being half way through their pregnancy but then had it all taken away.
Sometimes I feel like I am completely back to normal because no one talks about it anymore and other days I just feel really empty when I have reminders. I am trying to be happy for others and still wish them well but it’s very painful listening to their happy stories when I haven’t had mine yet :(

Hi @MrsAath,

I’m so very sorry for your loss. I found out our boy had died when I was 17 weeks pregnant in March. I can honestly say it is by far the worst pain I’ve ever felt, I spent a lot of time during those early day googling ‘can you die from a broken heart?’

It’s so hard being surrounded by people getting their happy endings when you’re in the midsts of grief. Life is just so bloody unfair.

Have you had any counselling or anything? Someone on here recommended the charity ‘Petals’ and it has honestly been the best thing I could have done. I really struggled talking about what happened and was having quite bad flash backs. Being able to verbalise it all has definitely helped me process what happened and I feel less stuck.

I hope you’re ok OP. It’s tough when people seem to forget how much you’re going through.

So sorry for your loss
our third loss was at 18weeks. Had to go through labour etc for it and it was heartbreaking. We also had to go to normal labour delivery unit where we could hear babies crying etc and when we left another couple were leaving too so had to share lift with them and their newborn. Not good at all.
Then of course we had all the decisions about post-mortems and cremations etc. :(
We now have our rainbow baby though.
Xxx

Hi @MrsAath i’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my little boy at 17 weeks on 4th April and I feel like i’m in a similar situation to you. To begin with people were always asking how I was and now everyone has gone back to their normal lives. I’ve had my best friend tell me she’s 12 weeks pregnant as well as having 2 of my other best friends give birth to little boys. On our group chat all it seems to be is about other people being pregnant and how tiring it is having a new born. It’s horrible because all of us had our first within 3 months of each other and this time we were all pregnant with our 2nd at the same time too. I’ve thought i’d handle it and grieved, we had the funeral but still waiting for the post mortem results. But today i’ve not stopped crying, my friend at the weekend was saying how well she thought i was doing then pointed out especially with her and another girl having a baby boy, it’s as if the longer ago it happened the less tact people have. I was really hopeful i was pregnant this month but it’s just not meant to be. I too have started to feel lonely, I liked it when it was lockdown and i had no choice i couldn’t see my friends but since it’s reduce a bit i have wanted to see a couple but my friends end up cancelling either because of morning sickness or their newborns playing up. My husband has now started playing golf and getting out the house and i feel like i’m stuck here with no friends x

I am so sorry you all had to go through this too :( @Heartbroken2020 I am sorry you felt so much pain and I am glad the counselling has helped you. I haven’t tried counselling myself yet but I would definitely like to try - thank you for mentioning petals I will look it them :) Sorry for my late replies, as you said I’ve also been experiencing some flashbacks the past week and it’s felt extremely hard to even get on as normal.

@angel0071987 congratulations on your rainbow baby this gives me hope :) Unfortunately we also had to deliver the baby at a delivery ward although they were very kind and made me feel cared for. Due to covid though we did have to wait almost 2 months before we could have a cremation which was really unsettling and pushed any chance of closure further away.

@Hammers00 I’m sorry you are feeling lonely aswell. It is awful going through what we have and to be around friends who are Pregnant/with babies so soon after and no matter what they say it will just be a reminder of what we unfortunately don’t have. I decided to leave our best friends whatsapp group a few days ago as one of the girls had her baby the same week as my baby and everything she says about him takes me back to the delivery. I think My baby would be the same age as hers, and also a friend who had also announced her pregnancy makes me think about mine.

I know what you mean about lockdown, I am quite nervous to meet my friends as I don’t know I will be able to even open up to them. I think I have grown to stay in this bubble with my husband at home but I don’t think that’s healthy!

Our post mortem did not show much as the baby had passed a while before they could test. Did any of yours give you any sense of understanding? X

Hi @MrsAath

I'm so sorry for your loss

I lost my baby boy back in November 2019 at 20+4 weeks and I'm still in shock/disbelief. Sometimes it feels like I just imagined the whole pregnancy and the labour because of how easy everything was for me.

I can tell you it gets easier with time but the pain remains and it always will, I imagine.

We had a funeral and I recently had to reach out to consultant to go through everything as my own consultant felt there was no need :/

I pray your pain eases and nothing I say will help but I will keep you in my prayers

You have to do what you need or order to keep yourself safe, I had a miscarriage last week 18 and 3 days and I couldn’t imagine being in a group. Where they’re talking about their babies, walking past baby clothes in the shops absolutely breaks my heart.
im so sorry for your loss and hope you have some good support . X