Expected to just get on with it.

[anon0704]

Does anyone else feel like they’re just expected to get on with it after a miscarriage? Like there reaches a point when no one wants to talk about it anymore but you’re still feeling a lot of emotions about everything? Also, I know we’re in the middle of a pandemic, but I get the sense aftercare, mental health wise, is severely lacking for women who have losses, especially if it’s your first. Please tell me I’m not alone in how I’m feeling

Absolutely. I lost 4 (IVF) and no one was there for me apart from DH. Family seemed to constantly change the subject, friends brushed it aside, it’s all to awkward to talk about for some people.
I’m so sorry for your loss

There is a support helpline here run by midwives trained in bereavement support if you want to talk to someone and the site has shared stories & support from other women who know what you are going through.

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/baby-loss/miscarriage-information-and-support

Unless someone has been through it, I think they do either expect you to get over it fairly quickly or feel awkward, and not necessarily don't want to talk about it, but worried to bring the subject up, in case the person gets upset or doesn't want to talk. Probably best to get the conversation going yourself (if you want to) Some people might feel awkward to start with but will be ok with it. Also, maybe pick the people who you think might be ok with you talking about it.

I totally agree. In my mind I'm still like I can't believe it happened to me. The only sense of comfort I have is reading miracle stories everyday for the past few weeks. How doctors got it wrong, or how the low hcg didn't matter etc. There isn't anywhere to grieve with people. It's just ohh next time do this this this

Completely agree.
I had a mmc in October and am now 21 weeks' pregnant so everyone would assume I'm well over it. I think that was the assumption from about the week after it happened to be honest. But I still come back to this forum because it's the only place where my feelings are validated and understood. Just reading that other women feel the same as me helps me so much as the world around me expects me to have forgotten about it. My MMC wasn't during a pandemic, or lockdown. Baby Loss Awareness Month I believe. Yet there was no support even then, other than how to best pay for the car park at the hospital. :(

Most hospitals have a specialist mental health midwife you can contact if pregnant - your normal midwife can refer you.

Gp can refer you to free mental health support if you ask.

Private counselling services exist.

It is hard. My journey involved multiple miscarriages and a Sibling had stillborn. I did not qualify for Specialist mental health team support as no mental health diagnosis but My sibling had one visit from a health visitor After the stillbirth and 5 counselling sessions at the Gp. But if the mental health services had deemed me needing more Serious higher level help then I could have been been referred onto the next level.

I think miscarriages are more common than people think. One woman wanting to talk about her own miscarriage might be pushing another woman in to thinking about her own experience which she may prefer not to.

I think it's best to find one person who you can open up to.

💐 Take care of yourself. There's no right or wrong way, just different methods of coping for different people.

Ive lost 3 and after the 3rd it hit me really hard i had some counselling from the doctor and that really helped me moved on, but it seems to be people dont want to talk about it or even care, i feel like just a number and im struggling now as currently pregnant but not sure if im loosing this one :( I hope you find some help

I definitely agree! I'm 23 and had a MC in March, my friends aren't ready to have kids yet so none of them really understand it and I'm the only person in my family to have experienced a MC. Sometimes I get those days where I just feel low and want to talk about it to someone other than my OH but I feel like a burden. I'm currently WFH and set up in the spare room that we started preparing for the baby and it's so hard on my MH!

I'm so sorry everyone that's had to deal with a mc. The worse bit for me is you don't forget and it's always what if. I got my period 2 days ago and I was so upset because a) I hoped to have conceived straight away like some others but that didn't happen and b) the blood made me feel like fainting because it was a reminder of what happened. I felt like a little girl who had gotten her period for the first time and was shocked by it. I'm so glad we're talking about this. It's common but no one wants to discuss it.