Waiting for a Miscarriage to start after IVF. Scared.

[Jingles85]

Hi everyone. Ive never posted on mums net before but read a ton of posts in the last few weeks.

As a super quick background - im 34, DH and I have been trying to have kids since we were 24 and have spent the last 4 years doing IVF. August last year I got pregnant for the first time after our 5th embryo transfer. At my 7 week viability scan it was found to be ectopic and I had surgery to remove it the net day. It was very traumatic.

After taking time out to recover and feel ready again, We had another transfer in March (just two days before all IVF clinics had to shut because of Covid-19) and found out it had worked and I was pregnant again the day the UK went into lockdown. As the IVF clinics were only running a very barebones version of care for the sake of women like me (newly pregnant in the middle of the chaos), our care was really poor. Rushed viability scans with random retired/back to help doctors who Id never met.

• Scan 1 at 6wks confirmed pregnancy in my womb but no heartbeat
• Scan at 7 + 3wks showed embryo measuring 6wks with feint heartbeat (doctor didn't know how to use the machine which made me worry it was incorrect. Also booted out of IVF care completely as the clinic was totally shutting down the day after. Referred to EPU. Told Id likely miscarry)
• Private scan measuring the same, sonographer more positive though.
• EPU scan 4 days later. Embryo had jumped from 5mm to 10mm and heartbeat stronger. measuring 7+ weeks (I was technically 8). EPU declared it viable. Told to contact midwife and book 12 week scan etc.

2 weeks later (yesterday) we had another private scan to hopefully see more growth. The sonographer scanned me for all of 5 seconds before saying the heartbeat had gone and the sac and embryo had begun to shrink and collapse. 8 months after our ectopic, there we were, being told I was having a missed miscarriage.

Safe to say we are utterly devastated. Ive had a gutsfull of trying to have a baby and of fertility treatments. I cant keep doing this to myself. And to add insult to injury, my body hasn't even recognised it yet.

I guess Im partly wanting to write this out for therapy sake but also ask what to do/how to take care of myself while I wait. Any tips or experiences would be appreciated.

I have another EPU scan to confirm it officially and to get advice. Midwife said that thanks to Covid, a d&c is not an option unless there are major issues. Its natural or medicated. Ive read absolute horror stories about the meds, so will opt for waiting... I just hope my body realises sooner rather than later...

Hi Jingles85
I’m really sorry that you are going through this, it’s so hard. I’ve just had my second miscarriage. After the heartbeat was observed at 7 weeks, I started spotting very lightly at nine weeks, then bleeding properly and having cramps last Wednesday (11 weeks). At the EPU last Thursday they said the pregnancy was measuring smaller than it had at 7 weeks and there was no hope of it continuing. The bleeding and cramps continued, on and off, but very much peaked on Saturday evening. Yesterday and today the pain and bleeding has been minimal so I think it’s over. I’m due back at the hospital tomorrow to be scanned again.
There’s loads of good practical advice here - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage
It is scary, but you will cope and get through it. If there’s anything specific you want to ask, feel free.

Hi @jingles,

I am so so sorry for your losses, it must be so so upsetting for you.....sending a virtual handhold and hug.
I am also going throu a MC, right at the start of the process and so very upset and scared. I had my 12 week scan 2 weeks ago and I would of been 15 weeks this Wednesday so I was feeling very hopeful.
I hope you have a lot of support and home and you're being kind to yourself. I've been reading the links the previous posted sent and actually I feel a bit more prepared because I like you feel care hasn't been good. Have a read of the links, you may find some of the advice helpful.
I do hope you can get some rest and support at home. Sending best wishes x

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time, particularly after a previous loss and IVF. The above thread is helpful on what to expect. Unfortunately surgical management is difficult to get, but not impossible. If you have private health insurance you may be able to get it via that or BPAS.
I've recently had a MMC and ended up miscarring naturally, it wasn't as bad as I imagined but everybody is different.

Thanks so much for your reply ladies I really appreciate it. I went to the EPU today and had another scan to "confirm" it. They were actually really sympathetic and didn't rush me out of there. The nurse was involved in my ectopic saga last year and I think she felt really sorry for me. They managed to contact my consultant (IVF dr/surgeon) for his input which I really appreciated. He even called me this afternoon for a chat and was so lovely. He's absolutely gutted for us.

As for options for management I was actually offered a D&C but with really clear/sobering warnings about the whole Covid thing. Basically sticking tubes down your throat at the mo is bad news because it causes aggravation and if you have Covid brewing or catch it shortly after it can mean that you get really really poorly with it because your airways are already compromised. Also you pose a risk to the people operating on you because of how you breathe during surgery. I think if id broken down they would have booked me in for it, but I opted for giving it two weeks first and hoping things happen naturally. Without Covid I think I would have opted for D&C.

After my ectopic experience, when I got pregnant this time I made no emotional connection to the "baby". I was so guarded. I know alot of women cannot bear the idea of waiting to miscarry because they made that connection and cant help but picture a dead baby inside (I mean that respectfully- no nice way to say it) and I totally get that. But I dont feel that way really because I made no emotional connections to protect myself. Im also very used to failure unfortunately. So I dont feel distressed in that regard. Its more the distress of anticipating the miscarriage experience itself right now. Youre right @Workingmama1 it is different for everyone.

Ive been through some really traumatic and painful procedures and ops in the last few years so I hope that has prepared me. Hard not to be scared though. Lots of horror stories online. I guess its a subjective experience.

@Rollycat how was your scan? hope its all passed for you x

@lookingforsomehelp I hope youre ok lovely. How are you getting on?

@Jingles85 I am so so sorry to hear of your loss.
I am pleased that the EPU were kind and sympathetic to you at this difficult time. I really hope everything happens as quickly as possible for you. I hope you have lots of support and can take time off work if you work?
I am always around if you wanted to chat then just DM me.
All the best, I hope you can relax for the night a little bit x

Hi @Jingles85
I’m glad you got some good support at the EPU and from your consultant. Thanks for asking about my scan - I was told that nearly everything had passed (enough to count as a complete miscarriage) and the small amount remaining should pass soon. There was a bit of tissue retained in my cervix which they removed and that was fine.
I hope you are doing ok today, the waiting around for something to happen is not easy. I had a bit of waiting with my first miscarriage and I distracted myself with lots of trashy TV, easy books, funny podcasts and mindless jobs around the house. You’ve probably thought of this, but you can get stocked up with everything you need too, like pads and painkillers, and nice easy food. And just be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you too @lookingforsomehelp

@Rollycat glad its mostly over for you. Did you manage to miscarry at home ok? How did you find it? Im Hoping i'll manage. Im pretty good with pain overall and feel calm I guess because ive had time to accept it. I can totally understand if things happen suddenly for some women it can make the whole experience a million times worse because its mixed with shock and distress. Really dont know what to expect though. Might eat my words later!

I started spotting this morning and now have normal period cramps with what I would consider "day 2" levels of bleeding in a normal period with a few small clots. I know its about to get alot worse though. Bracing myself. Soooo thankful its started though. All being well I can do this at home without having to go to hospital. Last place I want to be right now.

@lookingforsomehelp I am self employed thankfully so I have paused all my work stuff and am currently on the sofa taking it easy. Have stocked up on an array of heavy duty pads, some bed pads just incase (dont want to worry about leaking on the bed! yikes!) wet wipes and some painkillers. Husband picking up a prescription for cocodamol right now.

#icandothis

I'm so sorry for your loss! I have had 3 chemical pregnancies in the last 28 months and currently recovering from a missed miscarriage around 9 weeks. I was able to have a private MVA with sedation. I was sleeping through the procedure, but it wasn't under general, so no pipes in my throat. Unfortunately they missed some tissue and I miscarried what I thought looked like the pregnancy sack a week later at home. So the procedure may not always work. I found a hot water bottle and the strongest ibuprofen (400 mg) helped the most with the pain. I had to take 2 tablets at once to find some relief.
It has been 4 weeks since the procedure for me, and 3 weeks since I apparently expelled the remaining tissue. Pregnancy test last weekend was still positive and I'm still having brownish-yellowish stringy discharge. Hope it will pass soon for both of us and we can move on. Sending virtual hugs!

@Jingles85 You can do this! Sounds like you are well prepared. Agree with PP that a hot water bottle or heat pad is a big help. I got on ok at home. It was on and off over about three or four days but there were large parts of that where I didn’t have any cramps and I was able to do normal stuff round the house. The cramps got severe on Saturday evening and OTC painkillers weren’t doing much so I phoned OOH GP and got a prescription for co-codomal. But almost as soon as I was off the phone, the pain and bleeding sort of peaked, and then subsided really quickly. I’ve only had mild cramps and bleeding on and off since then. I guess it’s different for everyone, I really hope you are managing ok.

sounds like im on a similar trajectory to you @Rollycat - Today is day 2 of bleeding, a little heavier than yesterday with waves of cramps coming and going. Had an episode of heavy cramping that happened every couple minutes for about an hour earlier today and I really thought my body was ramping up to passing things but its stopped now. Ive passed clots today but nothing major yet. Hoping my body can just get to it asap- getting anxious now.

Spent the day on the sofa feeling a bit useless and teary. Its all so rubbish. Trying hard not to worry about the future but its hard not too. Been on this journey so long and the idea of facing IVF yet again makes me want to ball.

It is all so shit @Jingles85. I’ve been trying not to think too far ahead as well, but it’s so hard not to. Trying again and not trying again both seem too hard right now, but hopefully that will start to change soon. Wishing you strength for the day ahead x

Well, I woke up at 4:30am with strong “contraction” like pains. Went downstairs and lay on the sofa. They happened every 4 mins or so, easing a little by 8am. (Cocodamol helped take the edge off).

Stood up felt a gush, ran for the loo, another gush and passed something big. May or may have not been the sac. Since then I’ve been back and for the the loo all morning passing quite a lot of blood and clots. Pain is easing and although it’s a lot of blood and not pretty by any means I feel relieved that it’s happening. I’m proud of my body for doing it on its own. I reeeeaaaallly did not want to go to hospital and hopefully now I won’t have to. It’s been really heavy for about 2 hours now so hoping it eases soon so I can leave the bathroom for longer than 5 mins at a time!

Hey @Jingles85 I hope things have eased off today and that the worst of it is over

Thanks @Rollycat unfortunately I’ve had a rough 24 hours! Not long after my last post I started to get really lightheaded as the bleeding remained super heavy and fast. Had to lie on the bathroom floor while my husband called an ambulance. Got taken to hospital and had multiple feinting spells before they stabilised me. My blood pressure was really low and heart rate really high. Passed a lot more blood and clots in hospital then it suddenly tapered off by about 8pm last night. Stayed the night for observations and finally came home this afternoon. I so didn’t want to go to hospital but I felt safer once I was there. I’m not sure why I bled so heavily and rapidly but it really seems to have passed now and is barely a “light period” right now. Feel absolutely exhausted!! Fingers crossed I’ll keep getting better and will only need to do the pregnancy test in 3 weeks which will hopefully show as negative rather than needing scans to check for left over tissue in my womb and a d&c. Feel like the sadness of what’s happened is sort of creeping up on me now. Just sucks so much and I don’t have the energy to continue with fertility treatments... spent most of my time in hospital reading up on the adoption process. Will just have to let the dust settle and make so big choices.

I’ve felt worried about posting this update because it sounds scary and I don’t post it to frighten anyone. However your miscarriage goes will be unique to you but just remember you are strong and you will get through it and there will be brighter days ahead xx