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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Sad news today

19 replies

Ranoutofgoodnames · 16/04/2020 21:33

I went to have my harmony test and had the scan beforehand. I was supposed to be ten weeks and three days. She couldn’t find a heart beat scanning my stomach and so went internally. Again she couldn’t find a heart beat and told me the baby had died. It was 24mm - so I think maybe it happened a week or so ago.

I feel so sad. So sad.

I need to go to the epu tomorrow. The scan was a private one. I don’t know what options will be open to me due to the coronavirus restrictions. I am assuming my husband won’t be able to go in with me.

I am so sad.

I am 40. I got pregnant after we tried for three months. I felt so lucky it had happened so quickly. I think this shouldn’t mean that it is inevitable that a future pregnancy will end the same way. But this pain is so hard it is so hard to think about trying again.

I don’t have a question really. I suppose - will I be ok? Will this hurt less tomorrow? I don’t know. Thank you x

OP posts:
WhatsYourFavouriteHummingNoise · 16/04/2020 21:40

I am so sorry Thanks

I didn't want to read and run. But I've been where you are and it hurts so much.

I don't know about the Coronavirus situation. But I know you will be ok. It does get better. The pain does feel less. I'm just so sorry you're going through this.

I don't know if you've had an nhs scan already so they can compare? Or do you have the private scan to take with you? With me they insisted on doing another scan in a weeks time to ensure there was no growth. They didn't accept my private scan as evidence.

Once they have confirmed there is no growth you'll be given more options. To allow miscarriage to progress naturally, to have the pessary to start it off and miscarry at home or have the ERPC operation. They will talk them through with you. But if you need any advice there are plenty of us here. And I can tell you my experience of the ERPC.

Be kind to yourself. It's a fucking whirlwind of emotion. Sending you big hugs and lots of love Thanks

FeatherLoverGod · 16/04/2020 21:44

Really sorry to read your dreadful news. 💐💐💐💐💐

loveacupoftea18 · 16/04/2020 21:48

I'm so sorry.

I had similar happen to me a few years ago. It's devastating. I had an ERPC and honestly felt better than I thought i would afterwards. I was lucky to fall pregnant again quickly afterwards and my two year old is asleep upstairs.

Sending you lots of love.

mineofuselessinformation · 16/04/2020 21:50

You will be okay - eventually.
But, you've suffered the loss of something (and someone) that you dearly wanted, and it will probably hurt for quite some time.
I still feel sad about my lost babies, even though they were all over fifteen years ago, but it's not the heart-breaking rawness that it was in the early years.
I really feel for you.

Original poster
Ranoutofgoodnames · 16/04/2020 21:52

Thank you all xxx

I will take my letter from the private clinic. I assume they will want to do a scan. I think it is much smaller than it should be but over the size where there should definitely be a heart beat so I shall have to see what they say.

Thank you so much. It’s a funny thing. I don’t know how I feel. I will update this tomorrow when I have news xx

OP posts:
33Carr · 16/04/2020 21:54

I'm so sorry to hear of your news Thanks
I don't have much to add to what has already been said but as another poster said, here if you have any other questions.
Time is what you need, time to grieve and time to recover, and give yourself plenty, emotionally as well as physically xx

Jamjar77 · 16/04/2020 22:00

So sorry OP. I’ve had 4 losses over the years and it’s so heartbreaking. Take time and be kind to yourself. Just wanted to add that one of my miscarriages was just before I turned 40, then a few months later I fell pregnant with a successful pregnancy - it can happen 💐

Original poster
Ranoutofgoodnames · 16/04/2020 23:11

@Jamjar77 thank you so much xx

OP posts:
Embracelife · 16/04/2020 23:15

The most useful thing someone said to me after miscarriage at 10 weeks and having a removal of products surgery was that my hormones would be a a mess for a month or more. Give yourself time. You will be ok but it takes time.

Chopsuey1 · 16/04/2020 23:42

So sorry this has happened to you. I went through the same in the last 2 weeks. Had a MVA last week which was absolutely fine. My husband was with me. As the 2nd scan was for confirmation of the miscarriage the EPAU policy was to allow partner with you. Hopefully the same will apply for you. Lots of virtual hugs. Feel free to msg me any questions x

tryingtimes20 · 17/04/2020 07:04

OP I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you.

I've just been through this myself a few days ago; I was at a similar time-frame to you as well. I was able to get an ERPC very quickly which I do feel has helped me be able to get my mindset into a more positive place.

I was also scared about what would be available to me with COVID, but luckily my Trust classes ERPC as an emergency surgery, so please don't assume all hope is lost if that is your first preference.

I hope your scan today goes alright, and that they're able to discuss options with you quickly so that you a choice that suits you. You will be OK in time, but how long it takes to get you there is something only you'll know - everyone is different as to how they go through this horrible experience, and that's totally normal.

Please let us know how you get on, and if you need any more help/advice.

simplekindoflife · 17/04/2020 08:57

I'm so sorry OP Thanks

Melc85c · 17/04/2020 15:32

Hi everyone, I just wanted to share my experience and ask for some advice please.

So sorry to everyone who has experienced a loss on here. I had an early miscarriage at 6 weeks in July. Starting TTC Nov and fell pregnant at beginning of Jan. on 10 March I had very slight bleeding/no pain but rang EPU and they kindly agreed to scan me that morning. I should have been 11+5 and baby was only measuring 7w. I went down the medical management route but couldn’t do that until a week later as they wanted to scan me again to check definitely no growth. The medical management didn’t work the first day, so I went back 3 days later where I finally passed everything.

Could someone just give me some advise please.

Bleeding started 10 March
First day of medical management 19 March
2nd lot of medical management 21 March
Heavy bleeding stopped straight away and had spotting for a few days.
Got negative pregnancy test 28 March

I haven’t had a period yet, but I wasn’t sure what date I would class my miscarriage as being from as it went on for 2 weeks?

Sophfr17 · 17/04/2020 15:45

Hi Mel,
I am so sorry to read your story. I would count the 21st of March as your miscarriage, since it is the day you lost it. But you could also say it was on the 19th.
When i had my surgery at 14 weeks, it took me 13 weeks after to have my first periods.
In your case, it seems that your HCG levels had already started decreasing before the day you actually lost it. In addition, your hcg level was 0 on the 28th. So I think you should have your periods at the end of april.
In any case, after a miscarriage or a birth, your body will need HCG level to go back to 0, which will be followed by an ovulation, and periods 2 weeks after this ovulation (which is why women can get pregnent before they have their periods back).
I hope it helps.
xx,
Soph

Melc85c · 17/04/2020 18:25

Thanks for your reply Soph, that makes perfect sense. I know everyone is different so I was just hoping for an idea of when to count from so that’s a big help. I can keep track of it now.

Thank you, take care
Mel xx

Original poster
Ranoutofgoodnames · 17/04/2020 21:01

Hello - a quick update, hopefully containing information helpful to others if they are in this sad position.

I went to the early pregnancy unit this morning and they confirmed the missed miscarriage. They were unable to confirm that I could have surgical management and said they would call me. They advised that I should wait and let it happen naturally. However they called me only a couple of hours later to say they could do the procedure on Monday - but with local not general anaesthetic.

Meanwhile I had checked and luckily miscarriage is covered by my work health insurance. I spoke to a consultant this afternoon and she has booked me in for a surgical procedure tomorrow morning.

I decided on this route because I will be able to have tests done to determine the cause - or at least to rule out some causes. I am 40 and I know that I would need to have three miscarriages before the nhs could do these tests and I feel like this is too precarious given my age.

I feel sad but much more in control now that I have a plan. Than you for your kind responses yesterday. This is a very kind and safe space x

OP posts:
tryingtimes20 · 17/04/2020 21:08

Hey Ran, I'm so glad to hear things are moving in a direction that suits you, and that's great that you're going to be seen so quickly. There are plenty of posts on here from ladies who've been through surgical management, so seek those out if you need any reassurance about the experience, or feel free to ask any questions you might have. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow morning.

Poppy10121 · 18/04/2020 13:27

So sorry for your loss Flowers

I’m glad you have found a way forward that works for you and hopefully they will be able to give you some answers

SW7mum · 26/04/2020 21:58

The same happened to me and I had ERPC surgery Friday morning.

I am really struggling right now.

I don't know how to feel better.

I keep seeing my final ultrasound in my head. My baby looked so beautiful, but no heartbeat.

I am devastated.

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