20 week scan revealed missed miscarriage

[p2b]

Hi

Just posting cause I think it might help to find out how others have dealt with this news. I had my 20 scan (with my first pregnancy) this morning to be told that no heartbeat could be found. When pressed the sonographer took measurements that put the baby at about 14 weeks when it died. I heard the heart beat with the midwife at 15 weeks so I guess it wasn't growing properly?? I have opted for a D&C which will hopefully happen on Friday - if they get a slot - it's not a set appointment.

My partner and I are keen for tests to be done to see if we can establish why this may have happened. I realise that relatively speaking this loss was fairly early on in the pregnancy but I think that getting to the 20 week mark and then finding out makes it feel as it it was further along. Especially as the miscarriage stats dramatically drop when you get past 13 weeks.

I did experience some slight bleeding at around 10 weeks and had an early scan which said everything was okay. Becuase I had this scan I was not entitled to the 12 week one too. I also had another slight bleed at 14 weeks and heard the heartbeat which I then heard again at my midwife appointment at 15 weeks.

I would be intersted to hear how others have dealt with this kind of news and any advice or guidance on what I should expect from the D&C and the next few weeks. At the moment I just feel that I have some many questions and no answers. I also feel odd because since I found out I was pregnant I was convinced something would go wrong. To get this far and then have my worse fears confimed feels very harsh.

Thanks for reading
S

I'm really sorry to hear this p2b, it's really unfair. I've had to m/c's and felt very upst afterwards and very angry that it happened to me. It does get easier.

Oh no I'm sorry I don't have any advice...I know others will be along soon with wise words.

P2b so sorry to hear your news
I have lost 2 babies, one at 7 weeks and one at 21 weeks. Many others will post having had similar experiences.
I don't know what to expect from your D&C. My 21 weeks I had to go through labour and was induced.
In terms of dealing with the news, things will feel very black for a time. Hopefully they will be able to establish why this happened, and you may find it slightly easier to deal with if for example they find that there was something wrong with the baby which means it would not have survived.
I'm sure your DP is being very supportive. Lean on each other, support each other, and allow him to grieve as well as yourself.
Anniversaries will be hard and so will seeing babies and pregnant women for a while, but it will get easier I promise. It is hard to get that far and things go wrong, but you can get that far again when you feel ready to try again, which you will one day. I did sooner than I thought, and now have a beautiful DS 4 months.

I agree totally with everything flowerybeanbag has written. I lost my first baby last year at 3 months and I know how devastated you must be feeling. I'm so sorry. All I can say is that although the pain doesn't go away it gets better with time. I found that I was ok one minute and in floods of tears the next. Just take each day as it comes. Take care x

bumping for you, I'm sure there will be lots of other people who can help

Thanks for the replies so far. Any more words of wisdom would be gratefully received.

Hi,

I had a missed m/c at 10 weeks I chose to have a d & c. I didn't feel I could wait for things to happen naturally or would cope with pain etc of passing naturally.
I have the view that everything happens for a reason and this baby wasn't meant to be.
My baby would be due in 3 weeks but March when I had the D & C feels a long time ago.
I found talking on here and asking questions helped.
If you work take as much time as you need, I only took the days where I had appointments off and I think this wasn't enough but then I don't know if taking the time would have helped either.
If you want to email me I am at whoops1 at hotmail dot co dot uk

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage before DS1 about 4 years ago and it was such a sad time.

I went for my 12 week scan and the baby had stopped growing around 6 weeks but I had not miscarried. I had the D&C which was totally painless. I think you are knocked out for only about 20 mins and afterwards there was no pain and very little bleeding.

Afterwards I think the best advice is to keep yourself busy and try not to think too much about what has happened although it is very hard. Sounds silly as the miscarriage was very early on but I thought of a name for the baby had it gone to term which helped a little and did talk to people about it. Don't keep all your feelings inside - though you may find that people don't want to talk to you about it. I'm not sad anymore and have had 2 strapping sons since, though I do think about that baby from time to time. All the best x

I lost a baby at 20 weeks. It is very very hard. I hope you are getting some support.

Be nice to yourself.

hi p2b, so so sorry to hear your sad news. i had a missed miscarriage at 19 weeks, and like you was told the baby had died a few weeks earlier. i was never given an explanation other than " nature" . i was told however, that mid term loss is more common than people think. i have got over it, ( it was 3 years ago) and thank god i didnt loss baby later in the pregnancy. i have known friends lose babies at 30 weeks and 34 weeks. im sorry i havent any answers 4 you, other than to say you will recover, but its funny you said you never felt right about the pregnancy, i was exactly the same. take care. x x x

Hi p2b, first of all ~ there are no words to describe how terribly sorry I am... no words.

We lost our DD at 35 weeks. All my tests, all scans, all blood work was coming along beautifully. Then at a regular visit they couldn't find HB. I remember sitting on the exam table feeling like somebody just shut off lights and everything was muffled, even sounds were not as clear. I had a c-section in a few hours but opted to see our girl, baptize her and now we frequently visit her grave.

It all happened on Nov 3, 2004.

We now have a beautiful and healthy little boy who is 19 months this Friday.

Not much will sound helpful at this point to you but things that helped me:

1. doing all the tests to find out if something was wrong with the baby. We found out that DD had Down (was not picked up on any blood tests).
2. use network of support - either real life or online forums like this. People who have been through similar experiences won't let you sync. Also, believe it or not - unfortunately, before you know it - you might be offering a support and advice? and that will be healing to you too.

I swore that my DD was the last still born baby ever to be... well... you know how that went.

3. I went back to work in 6 weeks and was ready. Felt like I wanted to get back to the life I knew.

4. Tell a few close friends and ask them to spread the word. I couldn't face happy people coming up to me congratulating me on the birth of the baby - and then having to tell them the truth.

5. Spend LOTS of time with your husband...

6. you know that we opted for a funeral and a grave... many people don't but we're SO happy we did. It brought everything to closure and secured a very special place for her in our lives.

7. and some day... some day... starting it all over again and seeing a double line on that pregnancy stick.

My heart and my love are with you!

so so sorry to hear your sad news. I hope the medical staff are as sensitive and compassionate with you as mine were with me.

Really sorry - what a terrible shock. You sound very together and rational and are asking all the right questions, I hope you get some answers from the medical people and that you are able to come back to talk to us anytime.

Thinking of you in the next few days.

I would like to add my thoughts are with you. It so terribly hard losing a little one. There are lots of us here on MN. Please come and find us when you are ready. You can say anything you like, no one gets upset because we are all there with you.
Fingers crossed your d&c goes ok.
At least you will be spared the trauma of delivery.

Help - sister just lost baby at 22 weeks

I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks so have some insight into how she is feeling but am really worried about what she might have to go through at the hospital? - will she have to go through the ordeal of labour as the loss is after 20 weeks?

Hi

I'm not qualified to give medical advice, but I had an mmc too and I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

When it happened to me I read lots of threads about it here on MN (including the archive with the search facility) and it really helped to prepare me for what was to come. Knowing it happens to so many other people makes me feel so much less isolated.

xx

just wanted to say how sorry I am to all off you. I two lost a baby. I went for a 18 week scan and was told the baby had dies at thirteen weeks. Me and my partner was devastated. I do already have three healthy children though. Which I think made it worse because I expected every thing to go okay. We have chosen not to try again. I cannot go through that again. The thought of getting pregnant now scares me to death.

Sending big hugs to all off you.

although you may not have advice, i think the first words are 'im so sorry for your loss' or something to that effect!!

msg is to spawnchorus btw

Hi p2b, i can empathise with all the feelings you have and i ahve to say that it does get better with time. Had i been given the option, i would have chosen the D&C also, but given the emotional state i was in (it was my 1st preganany), i was treated pretty poorly by the NHS, not given an option and hardly any pain killers during the induced labour! and i have to say that the physical pain certainly exacerbated the amotional trauma, since things were bad the day i found out and the day after, but after the induced miscarraige i actually felt as if i was being tortured- the physical pain coupled with fact that there would be no baby at the end of it killed me! i was shocked when i found out at the 20wk scan, even though i had only known of the pregancy for a couple of months! i was an emotional wreck and couldn't stop crying for a whole month- i even got married within that month since we had planned a wedding following finding out about the pregnancy- it was awful- supposed to be the best day of my life and it was truly awful having to smile for the cameras and all the guests- i just couldn't wait for it to be over- it's all i think of when i look at the photos & video (which is truly amazing) even now- though the wedding itself looks picture perfect and everyone said i was so stunning- only meself, my husband & his parents knew, so it was all abut keeping quiet on the big day- looking back i shouldn't have gone thorugh with it. i didn't go to the councilling that i was offered, but i wish i had now, so do take it up should it be offered from the hospital. the loss of any baby, particularly at this late stage, is very real- don't let anyone disregard your emotions by telling you it was just a fetus... i took a month off work and just didn't want to come back- it was the hardest day ever when i did, as all i could think of was the fact that the last time i was sitting at my desk it was 2 of us and now it's just me on my own. i recalled all the happy emotions and that i could hardly concentrate on work, i was so excited. it was truly terrible. it does get better though, but pls take up the councilling- i had someone tell me this at the time and i still didn't- believe me it'll really help you when you get preganant again & i know you may not want to think about that/may want to preganant right now/may want the old babay back, but trust me you'll be pregnant within no time and the councilling and having followed things through properly in this way will benefit you and the new babay will have no end! xxx

hi

I have suffered exactly the same thing but my spotting was at 6 weeks had a scan and baby was fine went for 12 weeks scan was all good went to midwife heard heart beat at 16 weeks everything good went to scan at 20 weeks they said bubba stopped beating around 16 weeks was so horrible worst feeling ever i have been told i only have a 50% chance of this not happening again this was my second baby so was a big big shock to me terrified of having kids again but got photos of my angel never gets easier just learn to cope sorry for your loss i hope this helps x

Sorry to hear of your loss OP. Its just a horrible experience to have.

I lost my baby at 20 weeks too but baby
measured 16 weeks and was also my first pregnancy. Its such a traumatic experience, especially the labour, I think I kinda switched off from it.

Everyone is different in how they cope with it but I found that having the support of my friends and family a great help. I hope you have lots of support too, especially from your DP. I think my grieving was made harder by my ex leaving me to deal with it alone. Haven't seen him since day I delivered baby which added to the hurt.

I have been seeing a counsellor and I think that's helping a lot. Maybe you could try that? But its not for everyone.

I had all available tests done except for post mortem because I couldn't bear him being messed around with when he was so tiny.

Its 13 weeks now and I went to see consultant yesterday to get all results. The test of my placenta showed Zac wasn't getting enough blood from me as my blood was clotting in placenta. If I get pregnant again I will have to take aspirin to thin my blood and hope for the best I guess.

I hope your ok and if you need a chat feel free to PM me. I am useless giving advice but I found knowing others on here knew exactly how I felt helped me to cope and hope it helps you too xx

Xx

So very sorry that you've had this terrible shock and loss, P2B

Have you been physically examined by a consultant yet? I ask as my loss was discovered at 16+1 and I know for a fact the baby was fine at 13 weeks as I'd had a scan then... yet some of the measurements were less than 13 weeks which bought the overall 'mean' age of the baby down according to their software. They did tell me though that sometimes when the baby passes it curls right up into a ball and starts to contract so that's what can give the misleading measurements.

Anyway, the relevance of this is that there is a cutoff point at which they consider it 'safe' to do an erpc. With a more advanced pregnancy (you had a heartbeat at 15 weeks, so presumably you have a 15 week sac, placenta and baby even though their measurements for the baby are slightly less) they would induce rather than perform an ERPC as the womb being that much bigger means it's thinner and there is a concern of them perforating during the operation. It's definitely the 'better' option when looking to the future, too.

I desperately wanted an erpc and they were agreeing until I was physically examined and the consultant said my womb was more like a 15-16 week size than the almost 13 weeks the measurements came out at.

I think it's better that you are aware this might happen than it come as (another) shock to you - I was horrified! However, with hindsight it was actually a blessing as I got to be with my baby, take pictures and feel that I'd honoured his existence by giving birth to him. It's the first anniversary of his due date... he'd have been one today (or there abouts!). Of course, he's only in my heart now but I do have his 16 week old brother to take care of so be assured that things can, and DO, go right afterwards if that's what you'd want.