Late MC due to IC. Previous MMC in first tri, history of D&C.Please help me.

[annabroken]

Hi there, please can someone help me. I posted this to reddit too I am desperate for any help out there. I'm going to contact support groups today but I could really use some input from someone else who has been through this.

History: D&C when I was 15 (2001). Failed attempt to treat MMC by medical management at around 12 weeks followed by haemorraging and emergency D&C (Summer 2019). Diagnosis of incompetent cervix, 5cm dilated at 19+0, 2 weeks ago, followed by emergency stitch. Almost two weeks hospital bed rest but heavy bleeding and clots started on Thursday. Went into labour Saturday and delivered our beautiful baby son at 22.56, 20+4. He spent a few precious minutes with us before passing away.

I am 34 and in London, my local hospital is specialist in preterm prevention.

Any help any guidance please I am so desperate.

1. We are going ahead with a full postmortem (autopsy). We owe him answers. We spent most of Sunday with our boy taking as many photos as we could, handprints and footprints and I held and snuggled with him. We saw him again yesterday for 50 minutes and we have the option maybe to see him again today but I don't know if I should? Today may be our last chance before the PM goes ahead, which may take 2-3 weeks. They have promised we can see him again before the funeral but I don't know if that is going to be enough.

1. How long will the bleeding last for? When will I get my period back and can I ovulate before does anyone know? They gave me a drug to stop my milk coming in could that affect it? I am desperate to start trying again. Anything else I can do to improve our chances it took 3months ish to conceive our boy last time.

1. They said in the hospital it would be 6 weeks before my check up but we read the discharge letter and it says 12 weeks. I can't wait that long to start trying again what the hell do we do my midwife didn't know.

1. I know they will probably have to put in a preventative stitch in if we are able to conceive but does anyone know if having had a late miscarriage is more likely to cause another early miscarriage? Critically they don't know if the IC that caused this was caused by an infection (I had small amounts of infection markers in my blood but asymptomatic. I am now on antibiotics) or the two D&C that I've had.

I will ask these questions and more to official providers but I am not currently getting in front of the right people. I am desperate to put this right for my boy, my Thomas John William. Is there anyone out there who can help with any of the above?

Thank you so much in advance.

@annabroken I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through. I don’t know the answers to your questions I’m afraid but I wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.

I also gave birth the my baby on Saturday, I was only 17 weeks pregnant and he had already died. The pain is unthinkable. Sending you big hugs x

Hi heartbroken2020. I'm so sorry you are going through this too. I am still in shock I don't know about you I can't believe he is gone. Do you have friends or family to talk to

@annabroken I’m in shock too. I want it not to be real, I keep hoping it’s a bad dream.

I’m lucky to have amazing people around me but if I’m honest, I want to just hide away on my own. Do you have support? I’ve started reading ‘saying goodbye’ by Zoe Clark-Coates, I’m hoping it will help me with the feelings of grief. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster and I can’t get off.

I do but it is mostly my sister who has an 18mo. My husband however is being amazing despite being gutted, devastated. I am going to call a support group today I think. I just hope I can get medical answers too are you finding answers to your questions? Are they doing a follow up with you?

I just contacted SANDS but they didn't help and I don't know what to do I want to die

I’m not sure. I was told the midwife would come and visit me yesterday because I need to sign the post mortem paperwork but I didn’t hear from her.

I feel like my milk is coming in today, that just feels beyond cruel. I feel so sad for my poor body, it’s so confused.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this @annabroken. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. I just drove around to my mums, I was desperate to get out of the house. I just couldn’t stop crying but feel better for just letting it out.

Did they offer you a pill to stop it? I would also suggest ringing the midwives to ask what's going on if you feel up to it.

Nothing makes any sense right now. I just tried to contact the antenatal classes to cancel but their phone number isn't working. We are going to see our boy in an hour.

I hope your mum is being supportive.

I have never been in so much pain. I really hope yours gets better soon. I love him so much

My mum is amazing, as is DP. I can just see how much pain they’re in too.

I hope you find some comfort in seeing your boy. Will you be having a funeral?

How are you @annabroken? I’ve been thinking about you.

Hey @Heartbroken2020 sorry I didn't see the notification. I'm struggling quite a bit today because it's the first day we aren't seeing him before the funeral. And I'm worrying now with everything that's going on that we might be prevented in a couple of weeks. We were also warned today to expect disruption with the funeral too when we met the vicar.

How are you getting on? Glad you can see your mother we are staying away from parents at the moment for their own safety.

Sorry you’re struggling @annabroken. I seem to be so much worse in the morning. I think it’s the relief my mind gets whilst I sleep then when I wake, it all hits me straight away.

It’s such a strange time to be grieving, whilst the world comes to a halt. We saw the midwife yesterday as I needed to sign the post mortem paperwork. She was pretty convinced our baby died because his cord was wrapped tightly around his neck several times. I hate the thought of it, but I just have to keep telling myself he didn’t know.

Are you doing anything today? DP is dragging me out to walk the dog. I can’t be bothered but I know fresh air might do me good.