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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

I dont want to and i cant expect he has gone

3 replies

TTClou · 11/03/2020 11:34

My son was born sleeping at 20 weeks on 26th November 2019.
I was bleeding for 5 weeks and basically went to the hospital everyday begging them to do something, do tests, anything that could tell me why and to make it stop. I got told other and other again that "some women just bleed" or could be placenta previa which they wouldn't check for til my 20wk scan. They just kept sending me home after giving me a anti d injection.
On the afternoon on the 25th nov I got checked out again and was sent home saying every look welled. 7pm that night I went to run a bath and was heartbroken within seconds, I see my son cord...

Midwife told me my son still had a heartbeat but was slowing down and they couldn't do anything to stop the oncoming labour because of his prolapsed cord. I went home that night waiting for labour to start knowing my son was dying. I never stopped crying.

My son was born November 26 at 4.10 pm weighing 5oz and perfect and beautiful.
I spent the week with him just cuddling him.

I was told 4 weeks after i had a infection which was never tested for

Im broken, i want to bring him back, i know its impossible but i cant expect that. I just want my baby back and im constantly trying to finds ways to change this, to go back and get him, to help him, to stop him from dying
I failed him
i

OP posts:
AllNewThings · 11/03/2020 11:38

How absolutely awful for you. I'm so sorry your son died. It's wasn't your fault though. Have you been offered any kind of bereavement support? Thanks

alwaystiredzz · 11/03/2020 11:47

I'm so sorry for you and your little baby.

What a terrible ordeal for you.

Your gp should be able to put you in touch with a counselling service once you feel ready.

Contact PALS if you feel you need some answers about your treatment.

Thanks
angelopal · 11/03/2020 12:47

Sorry for your loss. You didn't fail him and you cannot blame no yourself.

SANDS are good. I got a lot of support when I lost my first neonatally. They have online forums if you don't want to speak to someone directly. For me knowing other people understood how I felt helped.

It doesn't feel like it now but it does get easier. There will always be bad days but they will gradually get fewer. It's been 7 years and I gone on to have 2 healthy children but will always miss her.

Take care

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