My due date

[Dueindecember2016]

Hey all

I’m dreading April, I’m trying to cling onto every second of every day of March. I don’t want April to be here. The stark reminder that I’m not pregnant anymore, the reminder that I won’t have my baby, the reminder that I’m empty.

I’ve struggled since September and hit rock bottom at Christmas. I thought I was ok now but here I am, with no one to talk to, no friends (that care anyway).

If you are in the same boat as me, cry, scream, let it all out because it really hurts. This pain is intense, my heart is heavy and I’m lost.

Love x

I'm so, sorry. I've been where you are five times and it's awful.

Didn't want to read and run, so sending all my love.... Please try and find someone you can talk to. You can PM me if you wish, I know how utterly lonely this thing is. xx

Hi,

I couldn't leave without replying as I am in a very similar situation.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost at 20 weeks and March 22nd of this year was my due date.

The soul crushing pain is so traumatic to deal with but if you need to talk please feel free to message me.

Xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I feel exactly the same except that my baby boy was due on the 30th March. And I can’t forget that date but I feel like everyone else who was so, so excited for us has since forgotten.

I can relate to that. The saddest thing was realising your loss is exactly that YOURS.

People are very quick to forget a traumatic loss with wasn't theirs to loose. Xx

Hugs to you all xx

My baby was due on 21st April. I lost her at 16 weeks. As we inch closer to April, it feels worse and worse. X

I feel like I’m not alone but the grief is over powering. My best friend told me she’s pregnant, it’s crushed me

Thank you everyone. Let’s use this post as a way of talking.

I haven’t cried today which is a positive, tomorrow may be different but let’s wait and see

@Dueindecember2016
I was due on the 12/03/2020. Lost my darling boy at 17 weeks & 5days. My anxiety hit the roof in February. Beginning of March was a write off. Had to take myself away. The runup to the date was really tough. I was told it was going to be harder than what initially happened by someone that had already walked the path. I thought to myself how could anything possibly be harder than losing my baby. But just a heads up. She was right. Its the whole grieving process all over again. But remember its ok not to be ok. Let out the emotions. On the 12th March I watched the sunrise and spoke to my boy and told him to give me the strength to carry on. Something told me he heard me. It made me feel really content. Still really hurt. But content. Maybe you can plan something to memorialise your due date?
Stay strong sister. X

I lost my pregnancy one month ago yesterday. I was 6 months along and I had to have a c-section. I am so sorry to read your news, but I will be following along. I was scheduled to have my c-section on May 28th at 10am. Instead of being in my belly, my baby was buried and I am full of rage.

I'm still bleeding and my breasts are often heavy in the morning, despite being given meds to stop the milk.

People who know often want to sympathise with me and say some stupid shit to me and I just shake. I am by no means a quiet woman, but for the time being, I have lost my voice. I get the following three things said to me almost everyday:

1. "I miscarried once" and while I also know that devastation feel like my stillbirth is a completely different category. I'm not saying either experience is greater or less--but it's different and I find myself very angry to hear it.

1. I also have a child with Autism; so those who know this have been saying: "There must have been a reason." When people say this to me, my mind replays this meme: and I just feel numb.

1. You have two children already. Just focus on them and you can always have more. My children fill me with joy, but so did this pregnancy. I wanted this child, I felt his kicks. I want him still. I hate this all.

I wish peace for you, and all of us. I also wish we were all spared this experience. Would the world have ended if we had just gotten what we wanted? Is this wrong to say aloud? I'm all kinds of wrong and I want to know why I was ever pregnant this time in the first place? It all feels so meaningless, I feel like the whole reason I was put through this was the universe just fucking with me. I hate it all. I am sorry if this is too much. I didn't mean to hijack.

I’m beyond words at your loss, I can’t even imagine what you and your family must be going through.

It’s so shit isn’t it? The longing for the baby is the worst part for me.

I’ve had those types of things said to me before. “You have one so surely you’ll be able to carry another” and “ there must have been a reason why” and the other one that pisses me off “ when are you going to have another baby?” Now, this question is usually asked by people I barely know and people who don’t know I’ve miscarried. Some time I’ll turn around and say “it’s clearly none of your business” and others they get the PG version of “ it’s all in the fun of trying”. Secretly I just want to tell them to do one.

I’m here for a talk for any of you. We can be WhatsApp buddies, private message me, a shoulder to cry on, I’m here 💗

yes, dueindecember, I think I would like that very much.

Hi all,

I’m always saddened to hear how many of us there are in this horrible “club”.

@clitterratti - I am so sorry that people would suggest that there may be a “reason” linked to your living child for your loss.

I’ve had people try to console me by saying “everything happens for a reason” - I can’t imagine what they think that reason is?! All I hear is, “it’s for the best, you would have been a shit mother”

@GreenFrog33 from the kind message you wrote, I know that you're a great mother.

Thank you @clitterratti

In the moment our little boy was born sleeping I immediately felt that fierce maternal instinct, I was so proud of him. I just wish, wish, wish that things were different and that I could see him grow every day.

I’m dreading Mother’s Day this weekend and have talked to my Mum to let her know that I just don’t have the strength to get her a card this year.

How is everyone else doing today?

Im so sorry op. I lost mine in november and would be due in april as well. Ive been thinking about it quiet a bit as well recently. The end of april will be really tricky for me too sending hugs.

This morning, I have woken to hysteria regarding corona; which I guess will be the new normal for the foreseeable future. I also miss my pregnancy. I would have been 7 months this week.

I would be preparing for my baby shower and pulling things out of storage.

I would be taking moments out of my day and fantasise about holding him the moment he was born.

Instead, I'm just full of despair. I want to desperately start ttc again...but I know I need to work through my trauma first.

I had a counselling session yesterday and I have to say, it sucked. Our counsellor is hard of hearing so she makes me repeat every other sentence when we're face to face---but yesterday (we had to do the session over FaceTime) she was just useless.

It's like every little thing in my life is a tragic comedy; funny to everyone else; simply unfortunate for me though. Woe is me. I hate feeling like this.

I just have to remember that I am stronger than this. We all are.

How are you girls this morning? Please share with me.

Hi ladies, sorry to hear of everyone’s devastating losses. I lost a baby at 20 weeks in November. We found out at our 20 week scan that baby had stopped growing at 13 weeks. 7 weeks of fooling myself I was still pregnant whilst all the time baby was dead inside As much as I’m grateful for the NHS, the hospital were next to useless and I had a very traumatic ‘birth’ on a single paracetamol. I’ve had one session of counselling after coming off the waiting list which was very comforting but that’s stopped now because of Corona. It is the most heartbreaking road I have ever travelled down x

My dreams of having a baby are more vivid than ever.

My dreams at the moment are that I have a baby, a boy, brown hair, gorgeous boy. But he doesn’t want me, I can’t produce any milk.

I’m still feeling empty. Being home with all this corona crap going on is keeping me distracted but my dreams are the swift reminder I’m still hurting.

I’m thinking of going to see someone privately and speak to them. I’ve been told that it might help but I’m scared that they will dig into my life and unravel my childhood.

I hope you are all coping and you are all in my thoughts, always. Xx

Today would have been my due date - lost it in September. Don’t really know what to think as on one hand with everything that is happening am grateful that myself my partner and the children we already have are ok yet on the other feel sad thinking about it.

Everyone around us seems to be able to have healthy babies - a very old friend of mine, my partners mate and girlfriend of less than a year, 2 of my partners cousins. A “friend” from work keeps going on about how our ex manager’s girlfriend is pregnant and how wonderful it is he will be a father and she even text me a photo of someone else from our work that has recently had a baby and she says oh isn’t he cute etc and I just replied saying pleased things went well for them etc but she knows what I went through so I felt like messaging back saying I’m pleased others having good experience but u know what I went through so start being considerate you bitch!!

Just life feels very unfair right now but just need to be grateful for what we do already have and just hope the future will be kind. I’m

Hi @alphabetti I recognise that feeling! Two colleagues have shared their “joy” of being pregnant with me recently despite knowing what I’ve been through. It’s as if they think enough time has passed...

Friends and family have mostly decided not to talk about our loss, my son, anymore. Apart from one wonderful friend who sent me a present on Mother’s Day. Without her I sometimes feel like I imagined the entire thing. I’ll talk about a particular thing I couldn’t eat when “I was pregnant” and people just freeze and then move the conversation along. I feel like I’m going crazy! It’s like I’m sitting it a room completely naked and everyone can see but no one is saying anything...
All of these people were so excited and keen to be involved when things were going well. I even have a very good friend whose birthday is this week and just a few days after my due date. He went on and on about how much he wanted our boy to arrive late and be born on his birthday. Now he talks about his birthday and nothing...

It’s my due date today and I just feel empty.

I'm so sorry, all of you

I'm so sorry for your loss as I completely understand..

I was due in first week of April as well and I lost my baby at 19 weeks back in November 2019.

I just made a thread about my whole awful situation. I know time heals but I felt I needed to let it all out and the details so I feel lighter and I do.

I remember the awful feeling of my milk coming in and I just cried, not just because of the pain but also because of all the grief.

I'm here for you all❤️

Hey everyone.

Well, here it is. You know what? I feel strong today. Life is a pile of shite sometimes but at times like this we are so lucky to be alive.

I hope you are all ok and keeping safe. Enjoy this time with your families as is a few months it’ll all be back to normal, whatever that is.

Love to you all

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, i am a long way behind you as i only miscarried a week ago at 17 weeks so i’m not near my due date at all yet. I am so pleased you are feeling strong today, sometimes the build up to a specific date is actually worse then the day itself and i hope this is how you are finding it. I hope you are thinking of yourself too today and if you need a little time on your own (maybe with an easter egg too!) then please take it, you’re allowed to be selfish. Stay strong xx

@Hammers00 hey, I’m so sorry to hear that.

I hope that soon you find your peace in whatever shape or form. Cleaning helped me a lot as it kept me focused.

Today I’ve been in the garden, getting lots of vitamin d, and having a little g&t.

Look after yourself and reach out of you need it. I should have reached out sooner and it may not have taken me 7 months to get my head together

Lots of love