Miscarriage messing with my head

[Tiniestsky]

Hey everyone, I feel like with every passing day I feel worse and worse about being pregnant and the whole process. I've had 2 mc (the only times I've been pregnant) the first was a suspected ectopic at 8 weeks and the second was a natural mc at 5 weeks.
It's so frustrating waiting every month for an inevitable negative but in some weird way being slightly relieved that I won't have to worry about potentially losing another baby. It's a constant battle that's nonstop in my head.
I used to think the scariest thing about babies was actually giving birth, how wrong was I?
There isn't much point to this post other than to rant, I try to keep positive that third time will be the charm, but deep down I don't believe it :(

I'm sorry @Tiniestsky ❤️ I haven't got a personal story that gives hope (yet), but I have started to feel more hopeful recently. I've had some cbt which helped a bit, but what's really helped has been taking control by seeking answers. I am under a recurrent miscarriage clinic but no answers, so I'm having private tests. Just knowing we're doing something is helping me. Because of the tests, we're taking time out from ttc and it is helping my mindset. It's very personal to decide to pause (and I resisted at first).

Best wishes to you x

Thanks for replying, I feel like although our stories are all different we all so much in common.
I just feel so robbed of any happiness of this process, maybe some kind of counselling might be a good idea cos I can't shake this negative feeling. It happening once I thought it was just crap luck, but then it happening again it's hard to accept that even though it's fact

Hi

I just wanted to share my story with you (I'm not sure if it'll help but here's hoping).

I lost my baby at 20 weeks last year, giving birth knowing baby would be stillborn was honestly the most traumatic experience of my life.

Till the day I die I will never forget what we went through not to mention the lack of support provided by the professionals but I will share my personal coping method.

I began to change my way of thinking and began surrounding myself by such positivity and remembering however terrible your situation there is always someone out there worse off than you who would be willing to trade shoes in second.

No one can share your heartache, no loss is the same nor are your coping methods. There is no right or no wrong but only one outcome.... when things get so low there is only ever one way to go ... UP

Wishing you all the happiness and positivity for your future xxx 😘

I had some counselling from the charity Petals that was amazing. Just the act of pouring out my heart to someone who listened, didn't tell me how THEY felt about my loss, and gave me unconditional support and sympathy was so helpful. I wish you happiness in the future. I remember after my first miscarriage feeling like I would never feel happy again, but I did and you will too.

@Tiniestsky, your comment of being robbed of any happiness really resonated with me, when well meaning friends have brought up trying again it hard to explain that this scares me more than anything, and knowing that seeing a positive test will only fill me with fear. It makes me so angry that we won't get to look like those smiling couples on the advert. I miscarried very recently so everything is extremely raw atm and I'm sure my negativity isn't helpful, i just wanted you to know you are not alone in this. wishing you all the happiness and peace in the future

@HugsnKissez that definitely seems like the way forward, it is very true, there is always someone worse off. I'm sorry to hear of your loss, although to a degree I know it doesn't matter at what stage you lose a baby it hurts just the same, to lose a baby at 20 weeks I think does make it just that bit more painful I'm sure, did you find a reason? Was it your first and only?

@frangipani13 I have seen petals advertising at the hospital in the past and I even called them to ask about counselling but decided against it in the end, not too sure why really..... I think I felt like I didn't know what I'd have to say or like the feelings I had would pass

@finleybobinley1 sometimes it's nice just knowing you're not alone and other people have been through similar situations. Before my first miscarriage I always thought the hardest thing about pregnancy would be giving birth... how wrong was I!
As the lady above said though, I guess when you're down, the only way is up. At least we have each other the talk and vent to right?

@frangipani13 @finleybobinley1
Also just wanted to say how sorry I am for your losses, I understand you don't always wanna talk about it but if you want to share I'm here

I'd really recommend getting some counselling if you're still feeling low. This is my third m/c so I feel slightly better equipped to process it mentally although taking it step by step. Nearly burst into tears this morning when someone asked if i was OK, as i don't think I am
X

@Tiniestsky thats kind of you, you can always talk to me too, i think feeling like you are the only one to dealing with it makes it so much harder. I know as well as you do this pain won't last forever and things will get better but that doesn't change the here and now, talking and venting is part of the process. heres to better times!