First pregnancy, first miscarriage - a nightmare

[Cristina0]

Hi everyone.

I’m 25 and I was 10 weeks + 6 pregnant. When myself and my fiancé found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely so excited and start telling to friends and family.

Yesterday I had light brown bleeding with mild cramps. I went to A&E, been there for 5h and they did a lot of tests...my HGc level was high, my urine test was good and my cervix was closed, kind of good news. They scheduled me today for an ultrasound... but after I got home I started having heavy red bleeding with clots... I knew something was not good. I went again to the hospital in the middle of the night and they told me the same thing...the cervix is closed.

Today I went for the scan. She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead and found out that the embryo stopped developing at 6 weeks and there was no heart beat. She has not told me exactly about the miscarriage but it’s not hard to guess...so she scheduled me to another appointment next week.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became more intense. I am in so much pain, I screamed, I cried, I am feeling broken. It’s so painful, I cannot stop crying, I cannot eat, sleep or do anything...

I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you!

I'm sorry nobody saw this last night when you needed it, and so very sorry to hear that this baby couldn't stay with you Especially for your first - it seems so unfair. It sounds like the miscarriage was happening last night - how are you today? Do look after yourself this week. Try not to take on more than you need to. It's a horrible thing to go through and so many women don't talk about it, but after it's happened you may find that a lot of women understand.

One doctor said to me, after my first missed miscarriage something like "Your body wanted this baby so much it's held onto it, but it can only hold on for so long.". It helped me at the time. Afterwards it was a comfort because I knew my body could maintain a strong pregnancy, even if that baby couldn't stay.

Thinking of you. Let us know how you're doing.

Sending love today, you are not alone

From what the doctor told me.. my cervix was still closed and miscarriage didn’t happen yet but yesterday after I got home a had really had bleeding and horrible cramps I was feeling like am losing a part of me... I think it happened, this is how I felt... and after that my cramps and the heavy bleeding stopped... I am still bleeding but a lot less..
I feeling hopeless, I am feeling that the life is so unfair... I wanted I still want so much a baby... but I don’t how I will recover from this. Everything is reminding me of this... my home, pregnant women and children...
i slept for a bit last night but waking up in tears...I just feel so empty.

I'm really sorry OP. It's such a sad thing to go through - you will come out the other side, but that's not much help to you now

I'm sorry you've been through this, Cristina, it is a really sad thing to lose a much wanted baby. It is so new and raw at the moment - it will get easier, but you need to allow yourself plenty of time and space to grieve for all the hopes and plans you had and to heal physically. Posting on threads here really helped me through bad times, and the Miscarriage Association are also really helpful and have a helpline if you need to talk to someone who understands.