stillbirth

[Tarnished74]

Hi totally new to this site, middle aged mum of teenagers! My question and advice wanted is, my friend who I don’t know really well has sadly suffered a stillbirth with her beautiful son, what can I send as I don’t live near, I even thought colouring books just to give her mind some silence for 5 minutes, any ideas? X

People will feel differently and some may like that idea but when my baby was stillborn I wouldn't have wanted anything like that. Things that I did appreciate were things that acknowledged my daughter e.g. something with her name on.

When my son died a couple of people sent me some beautiful notebooks to write my thoughts and memories of him in. This was a nice idea. A couple of friends also had some jewellery made, a necklace and a bracelet with him name engraved. If you know her style this is a lovely idea.
Otherwise self care things are helpful. Someone sent a just eat voucher and others made freezer meals.

Not to sound harsh, but it's not a nice subject to post in the Pregnancy section. Some of us pregnant ladies really don't want to see the s-word, it's terrifying... There are more appropriate sections of Mumsnet for this (like Bereavement).

New to this site and took a while to work it out, thank you for the kind replies and to the other, have some compassion

Something that acknowledges the baby - if they have a name for him or her then perhaps something with that name on that can go in a memory box or be displayed somewhere. A card also mentioning baby by their name with an appropriate sympathy message. And maybe something for your friend and partner if she has one - not flowers but something nice to eat maybe. And don’t be afraid to mention the baby. Many people are scared of upsetting a newly bereaved parent but sometimes the hardest thing can be the reluctance of friends and family to mention the little one by name which can make a parent feel like their darling child never existed. Remembering the anniversary is important too. So sorry your friend is going through this. There are no words.

@Tarnished74 Bookworm has a point, though. It's not the appropriate section for this type of section, maybe you should have some compassion for those who have spent years TTC and don't want to see posts about stillbirth in the pregnancy. forum.

Tarnished74 I’ve reported your post and asked if it can be moved to the bereavement section as understandably it is a particularly anxiety provoking situation for those who are pregnant to stumble across. 💐

Tarnished74,

We hope you don't mind but we've moved your thread across to our Pregnancy loss topic where we think it's best placed.

We hope you'll get some good advice from our kind users.

for your friend

If you don’t know her well is it appropriate to get anything at all except flowers?

Whatever you send her, couple it with a sincere offer to come and see her even though you live far away. When I lost my baby I didn’t want presents, I just wanted my friends to come over and sit with me with a cup of tea. It’s amazing how many people send you gifts but so few take time out of their schedule to actually visit you.

A candle in a glass holder with the baby's initial on it, so she can light it in memory of her little angel.

A listening ear. That's the best you could offer. If she is ready to receive visitors.