Struggling tonight with grief

[milkjetmum]

Having a hard time this evening, feeling super low. Short version is I have two lovely dds (9 and 6) but have had 3 miscarriages trying for much wanted dc3 since 2018. No obvious reason identified at recurrent miscarriage clinic, but have had recent health problems and turning 40 next month.

Just hit me like a wave again tonight. The rage and dispair. How do others cope with the mismatch between head and heart? My head knows how lucky I am with 2 wonderful dc. Also logically sensible not to TTC anymore as eldest DC awaiting ASD assessment and so better to put my support there. But my heart just feels hollow, and I am just desparate to carry and hold and feed another baby.

Crying just to type that. My body just feels empty somehow, like my life is not complete. And I hate how wanky and selfish that sounds in my head.

Dh is lovely but not much other RL support, he suggested grief counselling has anyone tried that?

I have 2 children, I've had 2 miscarriages first around 7/8 weeks second at 20 weeks. Ive been TTC since my last loss almost 2 years ago (I am having a few issues with fertility) . The feeling of desperately wanting another child can be very overwhelming.

I have had counselling and i did find it helpful. I also joined a few groups on Facebook as i find it helps me to know im not alone and i find the support from others in simular situations can be very helpful.

Thanks @JustMe03 feeling a bit brighter today after a good cry