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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Missed miscarriage

2 replies

Sallyjo27 · 21/02/2020 11:30

Hi ladies, I’ve been lurking on here for a while and have decided to share my experience.
I found out I was pregnant on our honeymoon in December. My DH and I were over the moon. We told family, friends, colleagues and basically anyone who would listen. We paid for a private scan at what I thought would be 8 weeks. Scan was fine baby had a heartbeat, although they measured me at 7 weeks. I just thought maybe I had my dates mixed up or ovulated later than I thought. About a week after I started spotting. I rang my gp he said it was very common and not to worry as I’d had a scan and everything was fine. The Saturday just passed I started bleeding heavily, all my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared and I just knew something wasn’t right. We went to A and E. the gynaecologist looked at my cervix said it was closed so probably nothing to worry about and booked my in for a scan on the Wednesday. I couldn’t wait that long so booked in for a private scan on the Monday. I learnt that I had a missed miscarriage there was no heartbeat. That night I bled very heavily and passed what I thought was the pregnancy. I went to my NHS scan on the Wednesday and they confirmed what I already knew however I hadn’t passed the pregnancy. They gave me a leaflet on my options but said to be prepared as it may pass before my next appointment. Yesterday (Thursday) evening I had awful cramps and passed the pregnancy. I couldn’t flush it down the toilet so we have decided to burry it in the garden under our lily plant. The past week has been horrific and I just want it all over with. I’m hoping when I go back on Tuesday they won’t find anything remaining in my uterus and I won’t need any further treatment.
I’ve found support from the NHS nonexistent which really annoys me. Sitting with a room full of pregnant women while waiting for my ultrasound scan was borderline torture. I just wish we knew why it happened. I know we never will though. I also think that doctors/ nurses etc should not tell us that sporting/bleeding in pregnancy is common and normal and mostly doesn’t mean a miscarriage. It gives false hope. We need to stop the story’s of that one friend who bled really heavily but was fine and had a healthy baby. That’s the exception. What rule is if your bleeding in pregnancy you need to get it checked out because something may be wrong.

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 21/02/2020 17:46

I'm sorry OP 💐

I agree that support is lacking - especially if it is a first miscarriage - you tend to get a pat on the back and the old 1 in 4 statistic thrown at you and told that it will be unlikely to happen again.
I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured ectopics - only with my ectopics did I feel that I had some support but that was only because I was offered a hospital burial service at the local church.
With my miscarriages I didn't get offered any follow up - even the recurrent miscarriage clinic I think is useless so it's very lonely

I've joined quite a few social media support groups and actually have a couple of close friends I met on those so at least I have someone to talk to now and that has helped loads

I'd also have a look out for some local support groups too run by volunteers x

Rhubarbe · 21/02/2020 18:04

I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I have just had a silent miscarriage with no bleeding whatsoever, just no heartbeat on the 12 week scan.

I agree that doctors should avoid false hope and should acknowledge that there could be a problem, but it would be inaccurate to tell everyone with spotting that it was most likely to be a miscarriage.

Also, unfortunately there is nothing that can be done in early pregnancy to change whether a miscarriage will happen or not.

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