I'm not coping

[candycornlover]

Hi there, I just had IVF and it was successful. All was going well until earlier this week. I miscarried at 5w 4d and I'm absolutely heartbroken. I can't stop crying. My eyes are stingy from all the tears. It seems so unfair and bloody cruel for a couple to go through the hell that is IVF only to get pregnant and feel that amazing joy only for it to all end suddenly with a miscarriage.
I can't focus on anything for longer than a short while before I start crying again. Please tell me this pain will ease. My DH has been very supportive but he doesn't understand that I'm having physical symptoms that is a constant reminder of the pregnancy. It hurts so bad and I'm so overwhelmed with sadness.

didnt want to read and run. I havent been in your position but 2 of my best friends have. Someone with useful advice will come along soon.

It will get better - it must still be very raw and painful. Your reaction is completely normal, and you need to be alllowed to grieve the loss however feels right for you.

Have been in this situation myself and it was gut wrenching. I couldn’t fathom how life, the universe, whatever could be so cruel as to finally give me my bfp after ivf only for it to end in miscarriage. I found people close to me tried to dismiss my pain with platitudes of ‘at least it shows you can get pregnant’ and whilst I am sure the comments were well intentioned, they gave me the rage. All told it was an intensely painful time in my life and I am so sorry that you too are experiencing it. Be very gentle with yourself, grieve the loss, acknowledge it and nurture yourself in whatever way you can. I found it helpful to mark the loss by planting a tree in memory of my baby, and it gave me a bit of an outlet if that makes sense.

The pain won’t always be this acute, something I didn’t believe at the time but which for me at least, has proved to be the case. Like any sort of grief it evolves with time and whilst you may always feel a sense of sadness about your precious lost baby, the waves of pain and sadness will gradually become less frequent and less powerful. I found huge support from the Miscarriage Association forum and also the Saying Goodbye Foundation started by Zoe Clark Coates (she is worth googling as alot of her writing really spoke to me).

Be gentle with yourself OP, and remember that any emotion you feel is valid, and your sadness totally understandable.

Hi, @candycornlover glad I found you. I was on the previous ivf board with you. Been wondering how you've been doing. Its early days be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. My early pregnancy went same route as yours. Miscarried yesterday at work of all places. We were getting so close weren't we. Sending hugs your way.xx

@Bestofyou1982 oh my god, I'm so sorry to see you here too. I haven't checked back into see that thread as I simply couldn't bare it right now. This has really thrown me through a loop, I never really expected it to hurt so badly.

I'm desperately sorry for your loss too. 
@Puddlelane123 thank you ever so much for your beautiful and kind reply. I'm sure @Bestofyou1982 will appreciate your support as well for herself. I will definitely look up
the sites you've suggested. I do realise I'm still in the raw stages and hearing you say the pain will ease is very comforting to know.

I do realise I'm still in the raw stages and hearing you say the pain will ease is very comforting to know

It will, I promise x

Well I seem to have passed the sac this morning after some mild contractions and lower back ache. I had looked online for pictures so I would know what to expect. I was given next to no info on what physical symptoms to expect throughout this process and learned everything from looking online. I felt a sense of slight relief when I saw this much wanted baby, but relief that my body dealt with things for me. I said a prayer and said sorry little one and flushed it away.

Hope you are doing ok @Bestofyou1982
I keep thinking about you xx

I rightly or wrongly decided to carry on as 'normal' and went to work Thursday and today after initial start of loss on Wednesday afternoon at work. Left as soon as kids did yesterday and I'm now in bed for second day in row shortly after 4pm. Feeling much worse physically today than yesterday stomach cramps, nausea.
Had kind of assumed that I'd passed sac with initial gush and blood loss. Hadn't contemplated still having to deal with that. Not eaten much in last fre days mainly salt and vinegar crisps as all I can seem to face. Can't even stomach a cup of tea.

You seem a little brighter @candycornlover? Hope you are on the road to recovery now.

@candycornlover feeling quite relieved to have passed the embryo sac this evening. Hoping the cramps and nausea will start to pass now. Thanks for your enlightening message on this earlier, as I had no idea this was still to happen I really thought all the blood etc was it. As you said, no one really gives you information on this part.
Thinking of you too.

Hi @Bestofyou1982 ,

I felt very similar to you yesterday and this morning leading up to the actual passing of the sac. I'm glad to hear you're feeling relieved now too. I know I did. I'm sure you'll start to feel better, my cramps and backache settled right down within an hour or two of passing. I'm only lightly bleeding now as well. Strangely I did start to feel a bit brighter mood wise this afternoon, but did dip again tonight and the tears came again. I'm glad it's the weekend now and can properly relax and just do what I feel like doing.
Have the clinic arranged for you to have a scan at some point to make sure all is clear? Mine is next Thursday.
Hope you have a nice weekend and are able to have some rest and you get your appetite back.
Take care xxx

Hi ladies, I can't believe I still feel physically unwell. I really thought miscarriage was more of an event than process physically.
After passing embryo sac Friday evening and several hours of heavy bleeding and passing large clots via frequent loo visits it all calmed down and I slept well.
Yesterday had bad cramping sort of pains on and off all day but felt generally better. Today I'm barely able to stand cramping is so painful and making me feel nauseous. Been like it for 3 hours plus now. Thought would all be over by now except some period like bleeding. Feeling fed up. Just want to get on.

@Bestofyou1982 am so sorry you are feeling so rough still. My experience was certainly that it was a ‘process’ rather than an event and I felt physically awful for at least a week after passing the sac. If anything I actually felt worse then as I had a definite nose dive of pregnancy hormones and felt incredibly tearful, had frequent headaches etc and generally awful. I continued bleeding in varying amounts (think periodish) for almost 3 weeks and it was pretty draining all round. With that said I didnt have any cramping after the sac was passed so I’m wondering if you perhaps have some retained products (sorry, I hate that expression, but you know what I mean hopefully)? Be very vigilant as to checking your temp for fever and consider seeking medical advice if the pain continues.

Thank you for your message @Puddlelane123. I have a woman's health appointment tomorrow for another scan to confirm miscarriage so I will mention the continued cramping. I've stopped taking the ivf hormones also so wonder if that is playing a part too.
Just seems so cruel to have pregnancy come to an end unexpectedly and then feel so physically in pain and unwell too, alongside trying to keep your mental health strong. At least it is half term so I'm not at work tomorrow.
Thanks again for support, such a weird process.

How are you doing OP? Have been thinking of you x

Hi ladies. How is everyone?
I've got next ivf appointment on Tuesday to find out when we can try again.
Feeling physically much better but babies seem to be everywhere. Never really noticed until now.
Hoping everyone is well x

Hi again @Puddlelane123 thanks for asking after me. I'm doing a whole lot better. I think once hormones started to settle down and I moved into the acceptance side of things, I felt more like myself again.
I've gone back to work and have been keeping busy, but having a plan in place for the future treatments has helped.
I confided in a few people and the support and kindness shown has been so so nice. I received flowers and cards and it really made me feel like it was ok to grieve for this pregnancy. My DH was actually so sensitive and caring and I feel terrible as he definitely took the brunt of my anger and sadness.

@Bestofyou1982 I hope you are doing well now too and your appointment went well. Are you planning to try again? I'm thinking of going back in May/June. xx