Pregnancy after Missed Miscarriage

[Lauren92x]

Hi all,

I'm new to MumsNet so I don't really have much knowledge of what to do, however, it's one of these moments where you need to speak to others who may have experienced a Miscarriage.

I'm looking for advice from people who have had a silent/missed miscarriage? I have a number of things going through my mind, but the first, how did you cope after conceiving again after your miscarriage? I recently found out I'm pregnant, however, I've kept it to myself because I don't want to put my partner through the trauma of wondering if everything is ok. I'm trying to be the stronger person because I was horrendous when we had our missed miscarriage.

He was the strongest person and I was a complete mess which I always feel terrible for because I really hit rock bottom and I was convinced that I was to blame. I don't do drugs or anything like that, plus I already have a little one who I've carried before so that's why I couldn't understand what had happened.

I know I should probably tell him, but now I feel it's my turn to protect him because right now I'm wondering if the baby is ok, why hasn't my symptoms started, do I feel different, was I like this on my little boy's pregnancy? The list just goes on and on and I don't want to worry like I currently am.

I was going to wait until the 12th week mark just so it was a little bit of reassurance that we are past the first hurdle.

We had quite a traumatic experience as we didn't find out until our 12 week scan, the thought of having to walk to the same Antenatal clinic terrifies me. Also, is there anything the midwife can do? Will they send you for an early scan or do you have to have 3 miscarriages before they put things like this in place?

I appreciate any coping mechanisms, advice or absolutely anything.

Haven't got any advice, but Christmas 2018 I was in the same position, went for 12 week scan found out I had a missed miscarriage, was awful! And I didn't want to try again but I just got a bfp Wednesday, I was feeling the same as you, I took test after test and told my husband yesterday.. He's over the moon and it felt more real after that and I just felt relief. Tell your husband.

Can I ask how many weeks you are? How are you coping with having gone through a miscarriage previously? I'm working myself up because I don't know if I feel normal or if there's something wrong, I think I'm going to call the doctors tomorrow but I'm not sure what they are really do at this stage. I'm nearly 6 weeks.

The only thing I remember with my silent miscarriage was that my symptoms disappeared a week before our scan and now I'm thinking why don't I have any? I'm a terrible worrier so I'm getting myself into a mess.

Thank you for responding, I appreciate it.

Definitely tell your partner.

I'm 13+4 after a previous missed miscarriage (at least I hope I am.. still have the horrible feeling that the baby might have died and I wouldn't even know ). It is really scary, and I have found it really hard to be excited about this pregnancy because I'm always preparing to find out the worst.

I'm my area they do give an early scan if you've had one previous miscarriage, so definitely check with your hospital, or you can have one privately for about £50 I think. I'd advise waiting till 7- 8 weeks as before that there's no guarantee you'll see a heartbeat even if the pregnancy is perfectly healthy, so you might just worry yourself for nothing.

My only other advice would be to tell a few trusted people about your pregnancy. One thing I found so hard about the MMC was that no one even knew the baby existed, so it was incredibly lonely. Obviously if you tell people and then miscarry you have to tell those people what happened, which is hard, but if you have a few supportive friends they might give you some comfort.

@Fern. It's just awful isn't it, the day will haunt me forever. I had to go to the hospital a few weeks ago with my little one on my own and I had flashbacks of the nurse leading us to the Early Pregnant Unit just after they had told us. I was actually trying to tell myself that I was ok and we wasn't here for that reason.

Do they really? Can I ask what area you are? I'm going to ring in the morning and find out, I'm hoping the doctor can refer me and it wouldn't have to be a midwife. The thought of wondering if your baby is ok is so hard, I'm paranoid with anything I eat or do. I just wish that someone could tell me how I'm meant to cope with the thoughts.

I know I need to tell my partner, I'm just worried with the amount of stress it will cause him because he is also a worrier. Plus, he had never seen me in such a state, he really was the rock and I pushed him away by telling him I couldn't give him what he wanted so he may as well leave me. He was distraught that I had even said it which is something I feel incredibly guilty for but I was honestly shattered. I'm not sure if you felt the same afterwards but I kind of felt that I didn't trust my own body anymore and therefore I didn't know myself either.

I get what you mean with telling people, I think I felt the opposite because my partner had told a lot of people and of course it was then we had to tell them. Some were great and others just weren't, some of the advice wasn't what I wanted to hear and none of it made it easier.

I don't have any pregnancy symptoms at the moment so now I'm worrying myself even more I think. I'm trying to think back to my first pregnancy and when my sickness started

Thank for replying Fern x

By the way, congratulations ❤️ xx

Hey I'm only 4 weeks, I had hg and was sick up until the miscarriage was completely over, I have 2 children already but I'm still a nervous mess! Im googling every symptom. Xx

And to you!

It is awful. I think some people who it hasn't happened to just don't get it; they can be a bit dismissive that "it's so common" or "it happened so early" and don't understand what it's like to believe for months that you're going to have a baby and then have the rug pulled from under you in a totally unexpected way.

I'm in east London - I know the policy on early scans varies across the country though.

You might also want to have a look at the miscarriage association - they have some information about pregnancy after miscarriage might help a bit

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Congratulations @Yupimahelcopter! I'm exactly the same, it's just a continuous worry isn't it. I've done another pregnancy today just to have any sort of reassurance.

I'm definitely going to phone tomorrow to find out more xx

@FernBritanica you are so correct. I don't know how many times I was told the following:-

• It happens
• It's one of those things
• You've just got to get on with it
• It wasn't a baby, it was only cells
• It's common
• Maybe it was your way of your body saying that it was time

The list just goes on and none of it helps at all. It was really weird because I hadn't found it very common around me and then a number of friends/family had miscarriages within a matter of weeks.

I've had a look at Miscarriage Association, have you read the part where it says that you are less likely to miscarry in the first 6 months after a miscarriage? Now out of all the health care professionals, no one could tell me why, only one advised that maybe it was down to your body being prepared for the previous baby? After all your body takes up to a year to return after a baby.

Hm I'll definitely call tomorrow and find out more! I've even messaged my previous midwife who is just the nicest lady, I'm really hoping she hasn't retired x x

Hi, sorry for your loss, I haven’t been in your situation but I am 13 weeks pregnant and just wanted to say the easing of symptoms at 10+ weeks is normal for when you experience it next time. Please don’t panic, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong, you couldn’t have known. I know it will be hard for you until you have your all important scan so just wanted to mention this x

Thank you @JoJo. Congratulations by the way 🥰 I really can't remember when my symptoms started on my Son, as much as I hated the sickness, now I'm hoping for anything.

Fingers crossed something happens just so I know but obviously every pregnancy is different xx

I’ve just come across this thread after going through the same thing. I’m so sorry for your loss.
We brought our 12 week scan forward a few days as I had a feeling something was wrong and was told that the baby had stopped developing at 8+2 and had had a silent miscarriage. We had an early scan at 7 weeks and everything was perfect, saw it’s little heart beat and were chuffed. We are devastated now. We conceived after the first try coming off the pill and were over the moon. We have decided to try again straight away after the bleeding stops and things are ‘back to normal’ but I’m so worried this is going to happen again. I know it’s nobody’s fault and there is nothing that can be done about it but I worry there is something wrong with me. We have coped quite well this time round and are looking at it in a very realistic way but I’m not sure I could cope so well if this happened again and think I’m just going to be a bag of nerves.
We have been offered an early scan when we do fall pregnant again but we had one this time and the worst still happened.
Have any of you conceived straight away and had a normal pregnancy after a MMC?

@Char2020
I successfully conceived after a MMC - not quite straight away though.
I found out at 12 week scan and had a D&C 3 weeks later, mid-Sept.

Then caught very quickly but found out that was a chemical pregnancy, that was November

Caught again in March and ds born December. He's now 11!

Sorry for all your losses and fingers crossed for the future