Missed miscarriage at my 12 week scan. Just devastated :(

[JGs89]

Hi all,

I never type anything on forums and this is the first time I have done so as I feel so alone, although I have friends, family and an amazing husband around me. How my world changed in a week, this time last week I was looking at when I could get maternity clothes as things were getting tight and planning how I would tell people we were expecting later that week. Fast toward to last Thursday: our 12 week scan. I was feeling positive as I had an early scan just two weeks before at 10
weeks and 1 day and everything was great. I had been feeling horrific, with sickness and nausea and everyone including my GP told me only a week ago this is a great sign baby is doing well. It wasn’t to be, as soon as I saw the screen I could see the baby looked still, not like two weeks ago when they looked like they were moving about so much. I was told there was no heart beat and I couldn’t believe was measuring at 10 weeks 1 day, the same day as my last scan, what a kick in the teeth! I sat in a family room for 2 hours with my husband just in complete disbelief, why had it felt my body even let me down by just pre warning me, why had it convinced me I was still pregnant. This wasn’t fair! Last night I had a surgical medical management, I couldn’t go and wait another two weeks for things to happen naturally, as awful as it sounds I needed to get the baby out of me now, I felt heavy and numb. Everything went as well as it could do, I am now back home and lying up in bed with films on in the background and wondering how I return back to normality and routine. We found out I was pregnant very early on, so it feels as though my life for 3 months has been baby this and baby that and I have longed to be a mum since I was so young (I am 30 now). I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone but I can’t help but think: why me? Why is? Why has this happened to us? And I feel awful thinking that too. I just want to be a mum. We have talked that we will try again soon when things have settled, I just wish there is hope for the future. Thank you for reading this in advance.

Hi there OP.

Almost the exact same thing happened to me on weds. I posted a very similar thing to you that day. The advice and support I got was really helpful so it might help you to read...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3790280-Just-discovered-no-heart-beat-at-12-weeks-What-do-I-do-now

My ERCP isn’t until Thursday. I’m just waiting with it still inside me. What is happening to it in there? I don’t even want to think about it.

I didn't want to read this and not reply but I know there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. I have unfortunately had two miscarriages and both where horrific. My first one I had to have medical management as well. My heart gos out to you. I remember the early days of feeling so low and depressed I have their life all planned out already was it a boy or girl? Was he/she going to be more like daddy or me. I now have a beautiful nearly three year old boy who is the light of my life. I love him however pregnancy what hard I had anxiety the whole way through he was worth it though.

My advice would be to grieve let yourself be a angry sad and even numb. But it will get better. I have my wee ones scan picture in a box for safe keeping.

Msg me if you want to chat I don't mind

I'm so sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. I can understand and relate, having had the same experience in September. I am still mad, and hurt and confused. And still sometimes feel betrayed by my own body. But this has got less and I hope is still less to come. We have just started to TTC again with 1 cycle down and no luck, so it has been reactivated to some extent. I think this is a very cruel, unfortunately, reality of pregnancy that doesn't get talked about enough. Following mine, I'd say 1 in 2 friends and acquaintances told me about theirs. The stats say 1 in 4 but I honestly think its higher. Doesn't make it any less painful but know you're not alone. I come on here periodically for support and it helps. Also helps to log off it sometimes too and remember the life you were leading before all of this. Still as valid and meaningful. This has changed the colour of things forever more, but you (we!) Can get through it. Take whatever time you need, don't do anything for the sake of others expectations.

Thinking of you xx

Thank you both for your replies and I am so sorry to hear @peanutfoldover you are experiencing this right now too. I too had the same questions going through my head, what is going on inside me right now? Why didn’t I realise? Why was I still being sick? It’s just cruel and that’s the only way I can describe the feeling myself. I have been reassured it was nothing I did, but I guess it’s human nature to evaluate the what ifs and then maybes which is additional torture.

Thank you too @motherone for your kind words. It’s a very lonely time and you could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. Yesterday before my surgery, I felt I had a heavy “dead weight” in me which sounds such an awful thing to say, and I think that’s why for me I couldn’t wait. The nurse reassured me I wasn’t horrible for feeling I need to get the baby out now, but I did feel awful thinking it as I wanted this baby desperately but now wanted it desperately out of me. However, after my surgery I feel light and empty, just hollow inside right now. How do you pick up and just carry on with life’s little routines? The anxiety of what if I never have children, what if this what if that? In am reassured when I hear stories that people go onto have children though. Thank you again @motherone for your message

@rmaun1986 thank you too for your kind supportive words. I am too sorry to hear about your experience, but I think you are right I have heard so many people tell me they too have suffered. The nurse told me that on the particular day they had discovered there was no heart beat, I was the second person to have received this news in clinic that day, which she said she sees it so often. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone but at the same time I feel reassured we aren’t alone, we aren’t some 1 in a million statistic if that makes sense. I feel a bit frightened with the so many what if questions I have, will this happen again? Could I do this again? But it’s all just the uncertainty which is so hard to live with.
You are completely right and it is important to look at the life we had before all of this as I could imagine it gets very consuming at times. For now I have come off things like social media as I just feel I can’t look at other people’s lives and happiness although it can all be a show, however I’m trying to just be kind to me and you too just be kind to you which sounds as though you know when you have reached your limit on here and can step back etc.

I wish you all the luck for the future I really do and I hope you get your happy ending 😊 xx

@JGs89, take care of yourself and take the time to grieve. It’s such a lonely time, and it’s hard to find out answers. I found out at a private scan, I had a missed miscarriage last Saturday and the past week has been a blur. You’ll have days that are hard and days that aren’t as hard. Small everyday events can be a challenge, watching tv, friends messaging , even just thinking. But I do feel more at peace and coming to terms, a week after finding out.

I found the miscarriage association website a useful resource.

xx