user1469989812 · 07/12/2019 06:13
First time poster here. Don't really know what I'm hoping for from posting just feeling so very sad and alone.
After TTC for a very long time with no joy we gave up last year. Around 3 weeks ago I did a test as wasn't feeling myself and was in complete shock when it immediately turned to positive. We were both delighted and stupidly started planning our babies future and imagining all the lovely tbings being a parent entailed.
Last Wednesday I started to spot, only very light pink discharge on tissue when I was wiping that gradually got worse over a few days. My GP referred me for an early scan on the Saturday morning.
They could only see a yolk sack at present and said all looked as it should and that shouldn't worry as some bleeding was normal, but to come back if it became unmanageable. Also put on antibiotics for a Uti. Another scan was booked for the 10th.
The bleeding got slightly worse on Thursday, I was advised by 111 that they couldn't do anything until my scan and to try not to worry. On the Friday morning (yesterday) the bleeding had stopped but was feeling a bit crampy and had thick clear jelly like discharge but was feeling much more positive.
Last night I felt like I needed a wee and stood up and blood gushed out of me down my legs and soaked through my pyjamas. I went to the bathroom and started to pass more blood again and 2 largish although not huge clots which looked like clots. The pain was terrible and I laid on the bathroom floor surrounded by blood and cried for an hour until my partner got home.
Was told to let nature take it course but if bleeding became much heavier to go to A&e.
I've woken up this morning, feeling absolutely broken inside. Still in lots of physical pain but nothing compared for the pain I feel inside at losing the future I've always dreamed of so very quickly. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to drown my sorrows in gin but I know that will not help matters.
I feel like there's something hanging out of me, but have looked and can't see anything although there's still a lots of blood, similar to a heavy period. Should I even go to the scan on Wednesday?
As I said I don't know what I'm looking for from this post but just wanted to write it down because it still doesn't feel real. I don't really have anyone to speak to in real life about it and it feels like my partner is in complete denial and hoping everything will still be ok .
user1469989812 · 07/12/2019 06:15
*Clots look like liver
Bee1710 · 07/12/2019 06:27
So sorry to hear what you've been going through. I'm going through a mc too, having discharge but not heavy bleeding yet.
Please still go to your scan so they can check if there is anything left (So sorry). It is indeed a difficult time. Hopefully we all will get pregnant again with healthy babies 💗
Babamamananarama · 07/12/2019 06:53
Oh you poor thing. I had a missed miscarriage on Xmas eve 6 years ago and so remember the emotional pain, I'd never felt anything like it.
Please allow yourself to have these feelings. Don't minimise them, or try to put a brave face on it. Take the time you need to grieve your loss, take some time off work if you need. Don't force yourself to 'get over it'. It really really hurts.
You'll no doubt discover the sisterhood of other women who've had miscarriages, there are unfortunately a lot of us.
From the other side of it - you will feel better eventually, the pain will fade. And you may well get pregnant again very quickly as we tend to be very fertile after a MC - this is what happened to me and it's my oldest child's 6th birthday next week.
Look after yourself. It's so hard and feels so unfair.
user1469989812 · 07/12/2019 08:40
Thank you both for your kind words. I'm sorry you're going through this too Bee it is worse than I ever imagined. I will go for the scan, I think I was just being silly and feeling like I can't cope with the cold clinical aspects of it. I'm sure it will sink in after a few days.
Sorry for your loss Baba I'm glad you had your happy ending. I already have some annual leave booked so am going to try and relax and take my mind of things, still very fresh at the moment. I think despite the bleeding a small part of me truly believed it would be ok but it wasn't meant to be.
Just seems so unfair and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself atm and the pain is far worse than I expected for being so early on . With regards to trying again, I'm not sure we will i don't think i can put myself through it again.
KG416 · 07/12/2019 08:56
Hi, I’m going through a similar thing. 1st pregnancy and started spotting then bleeding two weeks ago. I had a scan and they said the baby was measuring 5 and a half weeks and it was 50:50 what was going to happen so come back in 2 weeks. The bleeding/pain got worse and they said that it sounded like the miscarriage was happening. Then they gave me another scan two days later to make sure it was “over”. But the sac was still there which they weren’t expecting. The doctor said it’s highly unlikely but there’s a chance my baby could survive and to wait until the scan on 10th December. The last two weeks have been torture, not knowing if my baby has already gone.
I can’t give you any advice but I can assure you that you’re not alone. The best thing I’ve found to get me through it is to talk to my partner, my mum and my friend. People that care because they have made me feel like it’s ok to be sad and angry. The odds are against me for the 10th but I’m holding on to the glimmer of hope. Sending you so much love, it’s a horrendous thing to go through.
Avocuddles · 07/12/2019 09:16
Hi. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through (also @Bee1710 and @KG416), it is a horrid experience. I've had two miscarriages this year, both at 7-8 weeks. We've been TTC for 17 months now so it's been a long and sad journey so far, but we haven't given up hope that one day we might get our rainbow baby.
It is definitely worth going to the follow up scan even if you feel 100% that things are over as they will be able to see if everything has passed or not. After my second miscarriage the scan showed that they was still some tissue inside, it did come out naturally a couple of days later, but if it hadn't then I might have needed to have medical help to remove it to avoid infection.
With both my miscarriages after the clots had passed it was pretty much like a heavy period which went on for around a week. After my 1st mc it took 3 weeks to have a negative pregnancy test, and after the 2nd it took 2. If the hospital confirm a miscarriage they'll usually call a few weeks later to check if you've had a negative - if you still have positives over three weeks later it suggests there may still be tissue left behind that will need removing.
The hardest bit by far for me has been the emotional side, though three months on now from my 2nd loss I'm feeling a lot stronger. To deal with the physical side i found that a hot water bottle and paracetamol helped.
Make sure you take the time to look after yourself - surround yourself with friends, drink the gin, get some fresh air if you feel up to it. After my first MC I only took one day off work, this definitely wasn't enough as I was far from on form. 2nd time round I took a full week and spent it seeing friends, watching tv, having long lie ins. I also went for a counselling session with DH which was very beneficial as it enabled us (well mostly me....) to talk through things. I imagine if and when reality kicks in your partner will find it very hard too, my husband tried to be strong and brave first time round but a day or so later it hit him and the tears came.
If you have any questions at all I'm happy to share my experiences - it's such a lonely time when you have either been through a miscarriage or are living in its shadow.
I am on a great board on here for women trying to conceive after miscarriage (look out for the group TTC after pregnancy loss....) so if you think that would be helpful in time then please seek us out, it's a very friendly community of women who just 'understand'.
Avocuddles · 07/12/2019 09:19
Also another tip - gentle exercise and a hot bath might help to get things moving - the feeling that something is hanging out might mean that there is a clot stuck in the entrance of your uterus.
Sending you a massive hug from someone who knows how completely shit you must feel
TinyPaws · 07/12/2019 11:41
So sorry you're going through this, I've lost pregnancies too and it's awful, I still cry about the first one I lost. Most women who have a miscarriage will go on to have a healthy baby but that's little comfort I know when you're grieving this baby.
user1469989812 · 07/12/2019 17:04
Good luck KG I really hope your story has a happy ending.
Thank you Avo and Tiny I'm so sorry that you've also been through this horrible situation.
Reality has just set in, the dangly thing I mentioned earlier was indeed the sac and I was completely unprepared for what it would look like. It's far bigger than I thought it would be but thankfully I cannot see anything inside. I should just flush it but have sat staring at it for 20 minutes sobbing.
The pain seems to have gotten worse since it came out so going to take some painkillers and hopefully finally get some rest . Thank you all again for your kind words it has brought me some comfort knowing I am not alone as awful is it is x
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