Miscarriage and ambivalence about TTC again

[AwkwardPaws27]

This is probably going to be a long, nonsensical post but I am having no luck discussing it in real life and need to vent.

I miscarried in late July/early August (missed miscarriage followed by protracted medical management and admission for surgical management before things finally got started whilst waiting for surgery - it was pretty traumatic). I had a previous earlier loss a few years ago (a bit sad but a natural and relatively "ok" miscarriage experience with no medical intervention needed).

I'm so torn about TTC again. I'm scared about it happening again. I'm worried that I won't cope emotionally if it goes wrong again (I've ended up on antidepressants).

I feel frustrated with my job, lack of progression - but I feel unable to change it, as if I do it puts TTC on hold (say, 3-6 months to find a role and work out my notice, then 6-12 months before I'd be entitled to any "enhanced" maternity pay, plus not wanting to be seen as "that person" who starts a role and then quickly goes on mat leave).

I'm 30, so on the one hand I probably have time to wait, but on the other, I've lost two pregnancies so worry that it might take a few attempts until one "sticks".

Then again, part of me worries about putting my career on hold as, if I'm not able to become a mother, having a fulfilling career might give me something to focus on.

I feel so stuck.

Sorry to hear about your loss. Don't lose hope. People do go through mc and then go onto have healthy pregnancies. It wasn't just meant to be.
There are many success stories if you check my threads as i asked people to share their stories. So don't worry please💗

@AwkwardPaws27 I feel your pain having had two miscarriages this year, both between 7 and 8 weeks. I'm 36 and have been TTC for 19 months, I also feel that I have put my career on hold and often feel like I should have made a move a couple of years ago. I guess it's easy to feel the way when we have the benefit of hindsight, but I'm trying to remain hopeful that eventually things will work out for me one way or another after a very tough couple of years

I'm on a fantastically supportive board for women TTC after pregnancy loss, if this is something you would be interested in then I can guarantee you a warm welcome from some very understanding ladies.....

TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3745594-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-Thread-33-huddle-up-and-bring-on-the-BFPs

Thank you for your kind words and the thread recommendation, I will have a look.
I sort of feel guilty for not being desperate to be pregnant again straight away, I couldn't even think about sex let alone TTC. I think it was the right thing for me to wait a few months though.

@AwkwardPaws27 you certainly shouldn't feel guilty! After my second miscarriage we took a conscious decision to not TTC for a few months. It was a really sensible decision as I feel far stronger both physically and emotionally now. Your time will come, there's no need to put pressure on yourself to rush things....