Help supporting sister with miscarriage

[Sallyssss]

My sister had a late miscarriage - she thought she was 20 weeks, but the baby had died at 17 weeks. She is beyond devastated- not eating or sleeping and won’t move from the bed or sofa. I’m so worried about her. I know she needs to grieve, but I’m worried she is going to be seriously ill. She has two teenage children - Who have messaged me to say they are worried. What can I do? What would help? It’s been 9 days - which i know is early days, but I’m worried she is not going even doing the basics of normal life.

Sorry to hear this. Suggest reading MC Association’s “What Not to Say”, and offering practical help to the family if you can.

Your poor sister, and poor you too as it must be awful to watch someone you love going through such immense pain. She is clearly in the depths of grief and from my own experience of pregnancy loss, a necessary stage she needs to get through if that makes sense. Far healthier to give in to that overwhelming sadness and feel all the feelings now rather than suppressing the grief and having to deal with it later. It is such early days and I am sure the love of her older children will be a comfort to her in due course and spur her back into the usual activities of daily life. For now I would let her do whatever she needs to do to get herself through this acute phase of shock and grief. Is she getting appropriate support from her midwives etc?

Hi OP, so sorry to hear of your sister’s awful loss and such a hard time for family and friends also.

I gave birth to my baby on Friday. I was 20 weeks but he had died at 13 weeks. For me, having people who are willing to listen to me talk about him and what happened is such a help. It was horrific from a medical point of view and some people don’t want to talk about that. I find I need to talk about it in all its awful detail to help process it.

We’ve had lots of support practically, family have been making meals/ going food shopping etc which has given us space to grieve.

I find it comforting when I get messages from people asking how we are - it’s good to know that they haven’t forgotten our pain and when they ask questions about the baby/ what I went through. It’s healing to have the space to talk about everything.

Sending all my love to you and your sister x