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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Missed miscarriage, medical management and erpc - will it ever get better?

5 replies

Isittimeforbubblesyet · 30/11/2019 20:19

Hi everyone,

First time poster here but please bear with me.
After 18 months of trying for our second child, it was confirmed back on the 22nd October that our baby had died at 7+4. It was a missed miscarriage as I was 11 weeks before I had any signs. I then had a medical miscarriage at home on the 24th October which was horrific and a scan a week later which confirmed the pregnancy sac was gone but there was still a lot of tissue and that this would pass in the next few weeks. Hospital pregnancy test showed as negative on the 11th November, bleeding was minor so we thought we would just get started again! Few days later, bleeding started again and eventually called the EPU on Monday who told me to come in for another scan. Scan showed that my uterus lining was still thick but couldn't see if it was a blood clot or pregnancy tissue. They advised an erpc as it was 5 weeks since the miscarriage started and this was done on Friday. Again, another horrible experience but physically, better than the medical management but just feel like I am back a square 1.

I thought the erpc would clear everything but the more I read (and I know I shouldn't) the more I see that it doesn't always work, infection is highly possible and it can take a really long time for everything to settle down again. I'm so terrified this hasnt worked and I am feeling like I am grieving all over again. The bleeding has already stopped when I was expecting it to last for a week at least. To say my anxiety is through the roof is an understatement!

I feel incredibly selfish feeling like this. I have a wonderful 3 year old who is my world and I know this is so much more already than other people have. Yet I cannot help but feel incredibly sad about our baby and the absolute fear that we will not be able to conceive again.

Has anyone got any advice or any positive/negative stories? I am so sorry for the epic post - we didn't tell anyone we were expecting so feel so alone as I havent spoken to anyone apart from DH about this.

OP posts:
Redhen85 · 30/11/2019 20:31

Hi I'm really sorry for your loss. I just found out on Tuesday with similar dates to you. I had surgical management yesterday and have barely had any pain or bleeding since, if that helps, I think because they take it all out there is less to pass afterwards? I mean I'm guessing here but just wanted to reassure you that I've had only the tiniest amount of bleeding too.

I also have a 2 year old so know what you mean about being grateful but still completely heartbroken and devastated.

Hope it helps to know you're not alone at least x

Isittimeforbubblesyet · 30/11/2019 20:56

Hi Red Hen,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It really is the worst feeling and such a mixture of emotions.

Thanks for letting me know about the bleeding. It's such a confusing time and I just want everything back to normal. It's hard being strong all the time x

OP posts:
Redhen85 · 30/11/2019 22:59

So hard isn't it, feels impossible at the moment to imagine normal life again. I just want to not be crying all the time. I think because I had no symptoms and then just surgical I've not had such a hard time physically. I hope things ease for you. And if it helps I think so long as you avoid baths and tampons for a couple of weeks infection risk is pretty low.

I'm being a crap mum to my toddler this week...finding bedtime too emotional for some reason so getting my partner to do them. And just not able to be fun around him so another thing to feel guilty about! All he says at the moment is "I want daddy" which just tips me over the edge. Having to bite down on my toast and swallow hard on my tea just to get through breakfast without breaking down.

Surely it has to get easier at some point Sad xx

Isittimeforbubblesyet · 01/12/2019 09:56

Yes it's just functioning for the sake of it at the moment. My little one is so excited about xmas and I'm trying so hard but cant help dreading xmas eve which was when we were supposed to have our 20 week scan. I know what you mean about the daddy thing. We have the same here and it's not nice as much as I love to see him bonding with his daddy.

I've started bleeding today and am feeling incredibly tender on my right side. I'm hoping it will better as I'm back to work tomorrow and then a work trip later this week.

Sending you lots of hugs. It's amazing how when you are going through one of the toughest things ever, it is strangers who provide the comfort xx

OP posts:
Redhen85 · 01/12/2019 19:37

I'm sure each of those milestone dates will be tough, hopefully Christmas will be a good distraction at least. I can't decide if trying to feel excited about Christmas is helpful or not but just going with it for now...

How is the pain now?

We went out for a bit today, which I think did me good, found by lunchtime I was needing to come home and just cry for a bit and them I've been able to be a bit better this evening for it. So hoping I can keep myself progressing over the week when I'm back on my own again...sort of dreading it and hoping I don't open the booze after breakfast Hmm

You're brave carrying on with the work trip, I feel a bit lame but just can't face going in tomorrow. Is it physically demanding? Think the surgeon only signed me off until Tuesday but going to ask my doctor to add a week on.

Will you have some time off over xmas?

I know what you mean, so strange in a way but definitely where I'm getting the most comfort from too and so grateful this exists xxx

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