Loss at 20 weeks

[HenrysHome]

Hi everyone,

First time poster, I’ve been reading mumsnet for a while and it seems like such a supportive place so hopefully someone is around to listen to my story.

My husband and I went for our 20 week scan on Thursday, we were so excited to find out the sex and see our little bean again after the 12 week scan. As soon as the sonographer began I could tell that something was wrong - she called over the other sonographer who confirmed. She turned the screen to us and said that there was no heartbeat - our baby had died at 13 weeks, meaning he had already been gone 7 weeks.

Cutting a long story short I gave birth to him yesterday. They said he was too small to officially say he was a boy but they thought he was, which is what I thought. They wrapped him in a little blue blanket. Labour was awful because the midwife didn’t believe how much pain I was in and was reluctant to change pain relief options. I gave birth to him half an hour later.

There’s lots more but it’s so indescribably sad I don’t know what to say. Thank you if you’ve made it this far x

I'm so very sorry OP

Oh my - sending you condolences and much love. How incredibly sad. Did you name your baby boy?

Please feel that you can chat here if it helps you

Oh my love I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy. I've had 3 mc at earlier dates and they were hard enough. I just wanted to reach out to you.

Have you named him? I'm sure you were full of plans for his life and that's all been taken away.

When I had a 12 week loss, I spoke to a dear friend who said "all your baby ever knew was love - they never cried". That's really hard but I found it helpful too, so I hope it helps you.

Take care, and take as long as you need to grieve him. He'll always be your baby boy xx

We had some names on our list but we haven’t discussed which one to use or even if we’ll name him. The midwife gave us an acknowledgement of life certificate amongst other things in his memory box, she had filled it in with ‘baby surname’ and his post natal notes are filled in the same. In a way it would feel odd to change it now. He didn’t have a name when they brought him to us to see and be with so to change that might change him if that makes sense.

I'm so sorry for such sad news for you and your family. I hope you can find some comfort in finding ways to remember him.

Thank you for your lovely messages everyone, it is such a help to talk about it as it’s all so raw still x

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks this month and it's completely thrown me, the feeling of indescribable happiness being Pregnant to the devastation in that one scan appointment is something I fully understand. I am so so sorry to read what you have gone through 💔 sending lots of positive thoughts your way xxx

Thank you Peach, you’re right, it’s the shock of being so happy one moment and then it’s all gone the next. I remember saying to my husband in the waiting room before the scan that all our dreams were coming true and then it’s all gone in that one moment x

So sorry OP what an awful thing to have happened, especially after having your 12 weeks scan with no problems. My heart goes out to you and I hope you have people in real life to give you lots of hugs x

I had an appointment at 16 weeks with the midwife (so baby had been dead 3 weeks at this point) where she said all was fine so it was such a shock. I was even starting to get a bump.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I had a loss at 14 weeks. I didn't find out until the 16 week midwife appointment; the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler and sent me to hospital for a scan. I got to hear the words "I'm really sorry, there is no heartbeat".
Birth induced 3 days later.
This was last year.
She was my miracle baby as I'm more or less infertile (endometriosis damage).

You will get through this.

You will miss him but the light will return.

So sorry to hear this OP. Can't event imagine how you are feeling. Here if you need to chat

So sorry to hear of your losses everyone, so sad and so cruel x

So sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage at 3 months in July and it such an awful devastating thing - but the fact you went all the way up to 20 weeks thinking everything was okay is heartbreaking. I really hope you can recover from this and have a healthy baby in the future (if that's what you want) ❤️

Im so sorry for your sudden and very sad loss OP. This is Life, it changes in an instant and forever, and it's so tough sometimes.

We’re home now and that’s it, all over and he’s gone. Where do you go from here x

So so sorry to hear op. Not a nice thing at all specially the midwife being a bitch with you in regards to pain relief

We're all here for support
Sending my love xx

I am so so sorry. This is absolutely heart breaking. Please do whatever you need to deal with this grief: talk, cry, get angry. My heart goes out to you

She asked the consultant to examine me and I wasn’t dilated at all so she didn’t think I could be progressing as much as I was so not in as much pain as I was saying. So difficult when you know that each contraction is bringing your worst nightmare closer.

I can relate, as can so many posters here. You will deal with it in your own way, in your own time. And please God the sun will shine again. My deepest sympathies for your loss and pain

Thank you @TheFoz. May the sun shine again for everyone here x