Missed miscarriage (Sensitive post)

[Simone134]

We have had the week from hell.

I was 15+2 days pregnant on Monday, went for routine midwife appointment. Mentioned that I thought I may have thrush after being on antibiotics in previous weeks (had kidney infection, then flu and then tonsillitis in last month) so midwife said she would take a swab. Swab should brown/ red discharge (tmi) so midwife said she would send us up for a quick scan.

Got to hospital at 1300 and by 1310 we were told that our baby had died at 12+6. We were then Put in a side room and told about our options. I was so distressed I couldn’t believe what they were telling me! Eventually after about 2 hours we decided should go for the surgical option. After another hour we where told they couldn’t do until Friday so I should just go home!

The pains had already started, I think they did as soon as they told me the baby was gone so they said I should be admitted.

I was taken up to maternity ward where I could hear mothers in labour and the cry’s of the newborn babies 😢😢

The used the medical management of miscarriage but after about 5 mins of tablets being inserted the baby was out. I’m so completely heartbroken that this has happened!

I bled really heavily and needed several injections and an internal from a not to gentle consultant. Anyways the bleeding slowed finally.

Afterwards was bombarded with information about what should happen to our precious baby now. Now 3 days later I’m not sure I have made the right decisions and feel so guilty. I never looked at him or held him although they kept asking me and now I regret it!

2days later I’m covered head to toe in a rash and have been diagnosed with scarlet fever, I’m so over all this now!

I’m still in pain, I have started leaking milk and it feels so cruel! The bleeding has pretty much stopped now so I guess it all over.

I hope this post does not upset anyone, I just had to write my feelings down. I have a great partner and close family but they are all so upset that I don’t want to make things worse for them

Just a post to send love and

This happened to me many years ago at 13 weeks. I'm glad you have plenty of love and support around you, it is miserable having to tell people, especially near Christmas. It was my first baby. The next pregnancy resulted in my DD, who is such an amazing person and the light of my life. She is a Mum herself now. I do think back and feel sad about my first one, but I wouldn't not have my daughter. I really feel she was meant to be mine, if you see what I mean. Not logical, I know, but it has been a consolation.

Take care of yourself.

Im so sorry to hear you are going through this OP and just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. 💐 x

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a missed miscarriage in 2017. It’s awful whilst you’re going through it. Especially when you think you’re out of the woods a little bit so to speak.
13 months later I did have my dd.
Glad you have plenty of support around you.

Just wanted to say I'm sending you so much love and peace.

I had a missed miscarriage in 2018 and it was the most awful gut wrenching event...

I fell pregnant four months later and now have a bouncing baby girl, I really wondered, in those dark times if that would be it for us and maybe we wouldn't have a baby but we have two DDs & feel very grateful.

Take each day a step at a time and do exactly what you want when you want too, allow yourself time...

Thanks for the replies and the support xx

My heart is broken and I find myself crying most of time without realising I’m doing it 😢

I feel so guilty because I got so sick during this pregnancy and had a lot of different treatments to make me better, perhaps at expense of my poor baby 😩

I am lucky, I already have 2 beautiful children so have to be thankful for that

for you. Please don’t feel guilty, this is not your fault. You’re grieving - I’ve been there and felt that same guilt. As PP said, give yourself time, and be kind to yourself.

So the bleeding has stopped today so guess it’s over physically at least.

I still feel guilty because I got so sick during the pregnancy and feel like my body has let me down. I have previously carried 2 beautiful babies with no issues so it must be my fault that the wee one has not been able to survive. They cant find a reason for it and that’s the hardest thing😢

I feel really angry that my 12 week scan was totally
fine, good growth movement heartbeat etc so be told that he died 4 days later when I can’t remember anything significant that happened that could have caused this makes me so angry!

I definitely had a let up in pregnancy symptoms but that’s normal I thought are first trimester finished.

My emotions are totally all over the place. I’m not sure how emotionally I can get passed this. I’m dreading my next period😢 I’m a nurse and have had to take 6 weeks off sick but I don’t think I can cope with caring for other people’s children right now plus my detailed scan was booked for New Year’s Eve so cant even think about how I will cope then

I’m sorry for all the rambling but I’m using this to vent my feelings as I’m not ready to talk to people round about me. My gp is worried about my low mood and thinks I may have a bit of ptsd and depression, personally I’m starting to think so to 😢

I feel for you and I know that's not much but my heart really goes out to you it's a very dark and lonely time. I think I just wanted to be totally alone, which was difficult with my three year old I just couldn't do a thing for her either but in some ways as time went on she healed me...

I think the normal things of life got me back on track like doing a load of washing it kind of took me back to way before my miscarriage and pregnancy...not saying you should be doing anything of the sort by the way.

I know right now it probably feels like it will never get better I mean how can it?! I remember as well that awful moment early in the morning when you forget and then it hits you again - I feel sick thinking about that time.

Has the doctor said they can give you anything to help you cope in the short term?

Thinking of you

Hi Simone134 I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is a week on and I am wondering how you are? I wanted to share my story so you know you are not alone, I found it helpful to hear other peoples stories when I went through my losses. I have 3 healthy children by God's grace, after each one I never realised the gifts that I had been given in having easy pregnancy's and healthy babies. But hey ho. Then I had an early miscarriage trying for number 4. MC at 6/7 weeks. I thought it 'my turn' and it wouldn't happen again. The MC again, we found out at the 20 weeks scan. Baby had died at around 17 weeks they think. I gave birth to him, we named him and he is buried. Then I got pregnant again approx 18mth later, this time unplanned as we were right at the end of the adoption assessment process. I thought that it couldn't happen again and that the Lord wanted us to have a 4th baby. However I was wrong because at a 'reassurance' scan they gave me at 15 weeks and 4 days I was told baby had died THAT DAY. I had been feeling movement for about 3 weeks prior and even the night before. I had had hideous pregnancy symptoms from 9 weeks on and whilst they had subsided it was only a little. I ate like a horse gained loads of weight and just felt sick and tired most of the time. So because baby was measuring exact for my dates they believe he died the day of the scan. I couldn't believe it. I had 3 scans in total and one the next day as I couldn't believe it. I then felt able to take the pill to start the induction and returned 48 hours later to deliver him. Thankfully in a charity 'labour' suite paid for by SANDS on the hospital labour ward, I don't know how you coped on an actual labour ward with other women. This room was sound proof. They have tested me this time for thrombophillia. I haven't got it. They have done another post morton on the placenta but I doubt anything will show up as it didn't last time. Apparently my insides are all fine. This was all in October, aged 41 and 5 months. Id love to have a 4th baby but I feel its pretty much guaranteed it will happen again. So not alot of hope in my story but I reassure you that you will start to feel stronger and more able to talk about it. It takes time and going easy on yourself, family often dont know how to respond. That can be hurtful too. My sister in laws didn't even text me, until i text them after i gave birth to him to say 'we are all ok' and the babies name. The first time it happened people expressed sympathy and some sent flowers. 2nd time nothing, not that i wanted those things but again it was another hurt as though this baby was less important than the other one I had had that had also died. People act very strange in these times. The worst for me is when NOONE acknowledges it. As though everything is OK and you've not just LOST a baby and all the hopes you had for your future with that baby and your family. If it wasn't for my faith and hope that those children are with the Lord I am unsure how I would be right now. I know they are somewhere far better, they have been spared this temporal life but have been given eternal life in heaven with Him who said 'suffer not the little children to come unto me'

Hi @Simone134. So sorry to hear of your devastating loss. No advice really but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your pain. I lost my baby last week, we were told at our 20 week scan that he had no heartbeat and had died at 13 weeks. This last week has been a haze of grief. I do think that in time i will be ‘ok’ again, but that time isn’t yet or anywhere soon. Hand hold x

So just a wee update as I thought things couldn’t get any worse😭
Sat night into sun was contracting the whole night, defo felt like labour. Contacted the Midwife’s and they said I had to be seen so go to labour ward, I refused and eventually said I could go to Gyn ward instead. Had an internal ultrasound which showed I had lots of retained tissue, so needed an urgent dnc as had a n infection. Sent to ward in labour and given paracetamol and a hot pack and sent to ward where I waited for 8 hrs for surgery. Finally went at 1530 and they told my partner I would be approx an hour.
5 hrs later came back from theatre ( no updates for my husband who thought I was dead!), there were complications with the anaesthetic and had to get several interventions. Was told I could go home after 4hrs as long as bleeding not bad. Waited 2.5 hrs for pain meds as they were to busy then told in too much pain to go home.
Finally got home at 1500 following day.

I feel so traumatised by the last few weeks! I keep having flashbacks to the ultrasound where we found out, those horrible words “I so sorry but....”, the passing of my poor wee baby and then the insensitive comments by the theatre staff about disposing of my baby when I was still awake.

I still look very pregnant, bloating is a major issue and was asked yesterday when I was due, this killed me.

I’m so sorry about all our losses and so grateful for ur support and kind words. I’m not ok yet but hopefully soon I will be able to move past this and find some peace😢

Oh @Simone134 how awful for you. As if such a traumatic experience could get any worse. Be ever so kind to yourself, someone told me this past week that grief is selfish and I’ve been trying to remember that. I owe nothing to anyone and I can do what I like in order to bring healing x

Simone I'm so sorry. You've had a truly terrible time. I too had a MMC some years ago & some complications afterwards, but nothing as severe as you.

You've physically and emotionally been through the wringer. All I can advise is to take one day at a time, focus on your other 2 & Christmas for now, just as a distraction, not that it will make anything better. 😰

I know you're hesitating about telling your DH & family how you are feeling but try to open up and ask for their help. 💐💐