MMC at 9 weeks - what next

[GoldenBauble]

Hi all, just looking for some advice and support.
Found out I was pregnant early October. Had a scan at 6 weeks to confirm all was good due to a minor underlying health condition which affects my blood. This scan showed a heartbeat and everything looked fine so started on aspirin.
Next 12 week scan was booked for mid December but we decided to book an early reassurance scan so we could hopefully begin telling our immediate family.
Had the scan yesterday and no heartbeat could be detected. It was estimated the baby had passed very recently, within the last few days at just over 9 weeks.
I have an appointment today with EPU to confirm what will happen next.
I'm trying not to dwell on the loss too much. I knew I was slightly higher risk because of my blood so hadn't allowed myself to get too excited but I did go into the scan yesterday feeling slightly optimistic as everything seemed to be going well. I think I'm more devastated that the loss has literally just happened and very much puts us in the minority when you look at miscarriage stats. Somehow it might have been slightly easier to swallow if the baby had stopped developing much earlier. I just want it all over with so we can start again now but I'm terrified of what's got to happen yet. I'm also sad that I know this experience is going to taint any future pregnancies. I'd been fairly chilled out this time as it was my first pregnancy but I know now in the future I'm going to be really anxious. Trying to think of the positives and clinging on to the fact that this time round it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason 😥

I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is similar to mines. I also had a scan at 6 weeks and seen a heartbeat and then started bleeding at 9 weeks and scan confirmed we had lost the baby.

Thinking of you today at your appointment xx

Thanks
@MissSparkles81. Sorry to hear of your loss too I've opted for surgery later this week as I just want it over with. I'm feeling better now as I'm feeling a little more in control and know what to expect so in a strange way I'm already feeling more at peace with it all. It also helps that the few people we have spoken to have actually shared similar experiences which is also somewhat comforting.

Thanks hun. I hope everything goes well with the surgery xx

Hi @GoldenBauble - just wanted to say I’m so sorry and that I’m going through the exact same thing. Found out I was pregnant on 4/10, had an early scan on 31/10 - heartbeat all fine. At 12 week scan on Monday there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at 10 weeks. Utterly heartbreaking. Life can be so cruel. I am currently going through the early stages of a miscarriage and just waiting to see what happens. Quite terrified that it’s going to become really painful. Just want it to be over! Hope you’re ok 💖 xxxxx

Thinking of you @MilsCookie . I'm slightly terrified that I may start to miscarry naturally as I'm afraid of the unknown and what it will be like. As much as I don't want to have surgery, I kind of feel more in control and know then it's over and done with. I think I've started with some really mild bleeding (slightly pink tinge, although could be totally in my imagination). My surgery isn't booked until the end of the week and I think I just assumed nothing would happen before then but my body may have other ideas and I guess I might have to let nature take its course. I don't think I've ever had to make such a brutal decision before. No option seems like the 'best option' it's definitely what feels right for you but it feels like trying to weigh up the best of 3 evils.

You're right life can be cruel. It's hard knowing you tried to do everything right (not one drop of caffeine or alcohol has passed these lips for 9 weeks!) and things still go wrong. I've been reassured that the strong likelihood is it's nothing to do with what I did or didn't do, It really is luck of the draw I believe and I'm staying positive and I feel more reassured/comforted that for whatever reason this baby just wasn't meant to be but hopefully our time will come again soon. It's quite flippant in these situations but my mum said these things happen for a reason and as cruel as it feels, I guess she's right.

Thinking of you, I hope everything goes well and it's all over with quickly I'm finding it comforting talking to others going through similar so feel free to PM me if you need any support

Thank you @GoldenBauble thinking of you too 💐. I will PM you now xxx

@GoldenBauble I just tried to PM you but it said it didn’t recognise your username for some reason? This was my message:

Hope you’re doing ok. Thanks for the offer to PM... I’m finding the same comfort in talking to others who have been through the same experience. In reference to your post, for the whole week prior to me finding out i had lost the baby I was having very faint pink tinged discharge. I was obviously slightly concerned but all my googling told me that it was normal to have this in the first trimester. I naively didn’t think I could miscarry when I was approaching the 12 week mark. I now know that it was the beginning of the miscarriage.

As I’m currently away in Vietnam for the next 3 weeks I am opting to just have the miscarriage naturally. It is happening very very slowly. Since the pink tinge started on Sunday 17th it has got very gradually and slowly more brown and more of it. I have only had to start wearing a pad since yesterday but even then it isn’t even half full at the end of the day. I know everyone is different but from my experience you probably won’t miscarry before your surgery. It just feels like a horrible waiting game now. I just want it to hurry up so I can try to move on.

I know what you mean as well about how it might affect future pregnancies. I was so relaxed about this one and felt as though I was breezing through it as I didn’t have many symptoms. That was probably a sign things weren’t right. It’s such a shame that we will be more anxious next time but we have to try and take the positives from this experience!

Hope you’re feeling ok today 💐 xxx

Hi @GoldenBauble I just wanted to say sorry for your loss, the grief is horrible. I went through something very similar last year, saw the heartbeat at 9 weeks, told my family and work around Christmas time, then at my 12 week scan they said it stopped developing at just over 9 weeks. I was heartbroken and thought it would be ok as I'd seen the heartbeat. I opted for the operation, I just wanted it over. The operation was fine and went well, I recovered quickly. Make sure you take time to recover.

To share some positiveness I fell pregnant two months later and currently 34 weeks with my rainbow baby. I haven't been able to enjoy this pregnancy as much as my sons but once I started to feel her I relaxed a lot more.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me. xx

@MilsCookie that must be hard being away from home? Is your parter with you to support? If it could be guaranteed that it wouldn't be any worse than a long period I think I would have rather let nature take its course, but like you I'm afraid at how painful it may get (although for some people this doesn't seem to be the case). I've had a slight set back today as surgery now postponed until Monday. It's for good reason and I'm totally in agreement just slightly disappointed that this whole experience needs to go on for another 5 days now.

@FreebieMum thank you for sharing your experience. Although I knew in the back of my head it was always a possibility I think because there hadn't been any warning signs I hopefully assumed that it was likely all was good. I was also breezing through this pregnancy with some symptoms but nothing which was causing any major/obvious signs. I've also wondered now if this was an early warning sign but on the other hand I've spoken to a lot of people recently who had shared they had hardly any early pregnancy symptoms and all was well so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️. I've already started to notice a decrease in the few symptoms I did have so I think my body is starting to register that this is the end.

I'm feeling positive and hopeful for the future but think we will give things a month or two before we start again just to let things settle and my body to recover get back to normal with hormones etc first.