It's my due date

[Chanel05]

The day that never was. I have found myself keeping busy all day to clear my head and though I feel like I want to cry, I'm not sure I have any tears left since I've shed so many in the last 6 months.

I thought I'd be pregnant by now. I convinced myself I probably would be because why would life be so cruel yet again? I'm not. I've asked thousands of times into empty space, "Why us?" I've concluded that there is no answer to that, we were just one of the unlucky 1 in 4 statistic.

I've pictured myself in a life that could have been either already nursing a newborn, screaming in a delivery room or impatiently waiting to meet my child. Those are the 3 in 4 options, yet I was dealt the hand of sadness of the what never was. Instead, I find myself dipping an ovulation stick at 6.30am, waiting for cd21 to ovulate, knowing that I'm only on cd13 but I still have to test, just in case I ovulate early. I never do. Taking my temperature as I do every morning and have done since September 2018. Miscarriage has changed my body; I now have longer cycles, longer periods and ovulate later. All of these negative impacts on top of the feelings of loss.

I've thought of the moment that we were told, "There's no heartbeat" so many times. Not even a sorry. In that moment I felt my own heart thumping through my chest and wondered how could the heart have stopped beating when mine was racing so fast? It could beat for both of us.

When will it be our turn? When will our rainbow come? I've tried to stay hopeful but my hopes have been dashed since 13th April 2019.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I can tell you from experience that it does change - it doesn't become easier as such but your feelings change. It becomes less raw.

Anything else I say will seem trite so it's enough to say that I am sorry

My due date isn't till January but I could have wrote most of your post. My cycles are all over the place. Im late this month again but got cramping and spotting today so AF on the way.

Same as you I thought I'd be pregnant again. Really struggling as it comes up to Christmas because it's a time for families and kids and my due date was the end of January. Things should have been so different than what they are.

I know im not much help and iv no advice but I just wanted you to know your not alone. I cant imagine how hard today is and I hope you get your rainbow soon ❤

My due date of my 1st pregnancy was yesterday. I grief n cried all day long. I don't know how I'd deal with my next due date as I just lost my 2nd pregnancy as well.

Mines on the 7th of May. I'm dreading it because I'm going to be on my own. My OH lives 98 miles away and with this lockdown won't be able to come down. The only thing I can do is hope that he gets a delivery over to where I live and I can go and see him and he park his Truck on one side and of the lay by and me park my car on the other side and talk to each other out the window. Not being able to have a cuddle will be awful though. I had a chemical back in 2017. The 24th August 2020 would've been our second Baby's 1st birthday and our 3rd one due last month. I fell pregnant again straight after my 3rd miscarriage then miscarried at 9 weeks. Next month after years and years of trying we should've been a family of 6 instead I'm once again struggling to fall pregnant and my periods have gone completely haywire. Every month I think this is it. Get all my
Pregnancy symptoms my periods late and then bam a BFN every time