Feeling lost after miscarriage

[MrsB16]

I had a miscarriage last week at 8 weeks whilst on holiday in New York with my husband. I was terrified, this was my first pregnancy and the baby was desperately wanted. I couldn’t seek medical attention as my husband was scared that they wouldn’t let me fly home so I did the whole thing myself in a tiny hotel room with my very Squeamish husband. The gestational sac came out about 20 minutes before we had to leave for the airport and I decided to bring the baby home with me as I didn’t want him to think I had abandoned him in another country. He was my baby and I wanted him to feel loved. I made it home after being very unwell in the airport and on the plane and went to the epu. The Dr thought the whole story was quite funny and was laughing and joking about it. She basically congratulated me for doing it alone said better luck next time and come back again when you are pregnant again. My husband wouldn’t even come to the appointment.
That was a week ago, my husband is pushing me away and will not talk about it. He only cares about his new job which he started when we got home and running. He leaves me alone all the time because he says he doesn’t know what to say to me. When he does talk to me the conversation normally ends with him calling me irrational. Everyone in our families is trying to rally round me but all I want is him. I don’t know how to carry on anymore. I ran away last night because he wouldn’t let me leave our home when I said I wanted to go for a walk because it was dark. He chased me down, dragged me home and then proceeded to call his mother who then lectured me for half an hour about being happy and smiley and positive. I can’t be positive, I’ve lost my baby and I feel like I’m losing my husband to. I just don’t know how to carry on.

@mrsb I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It’s such a terrible and traumatic thing to go through and the way you were treated at the epu was not ok. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve - I lost a baby at 9 weeks and it takes a long time to come to terms with what has happened. Your husband acting that way is not ok, I’m sure someone wiser than me will be along to give better advice but it sounds like you need better support - do you have family near by who you could stay with for a few days to get some distance. If your husband is normally more supportive I would say it’s maybe the loss affecting him too but that doesn’t make his behaviour ok. I hope things start to get easier for you soon x

Op I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds truly traumatic being so far from home when it happened and your partner not making you feel safe during the process. It is a HORRIBLE thing to go through at the best of times. That doctor sounds absolutely awful and very unprofessional. How dare she treat you like that.

I went through it two years ago, and there were times when I felt DP didn't or couldn't support me fully. He found it all very hard to deal with. I think so many men do find it a challenge to just let go and give support instead of feeling helpless and trying to fix everything. I felt very alone as well. I still feel angry for things even well meaning family members said. Nothing can really prepare you for that grief and it's so hard for others to understand who haven't been through it.

If it's any consolation I'm now here snuggling my six month old and that time now seems like a bad dream. Sending support across the ether. You will be ok, I promise, but give yourself time and let yourself grieve. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for it...they're ignorant.

I'm so sorry OP. Your husband is being irrational and you should be allowed to feel however you need to, it's okay to be sad, you're mourning a life you had planned, regardless of the length of pregnancy. Go and see you GP xx