I was devastated to find out that I was having a miscarriage, probably because of the fact that I was so excited that i was pregnant. My husband was over the moon, and because this is my first pregnancy i needed all the support i could get and told my parents. That now feels like the worst mistake i ever made because a week later I had to yank the good news away from them and face them with this.
I couldn't seem to understand, even though it had been explained to me several times, why this happened. I could not be more hygienic, healthy, safer, and to found out my pregnancy had ended at 5 weeks (i found out at 10 weeks) I was inconsolable.
I had work on my mind, having to tell my parents, what the next steps were, where do we go from here, my emotions, my husband's emotions - all this to deal with was beginning to get to much for me, so I would just break down and cry hysterically like the world was coming to an end (melodramatic, i know, but thats how it felt.) I had lost all sense of hope in medical professionals and in my self.
I have now come to terms and accepted this. We went for the natural management option, whereby i have the miscarriage at home naturally, with not medical intervention at all. It is painful, emotionally and physically draining, like a 3 week really intense period. But the other two options, for me personally came with too many risks i wasn't willing to take.
I have trouble sorting through my emotions. One miniute I am fine, and i accept it. The next min I am angry at the world. I am like a yo-yo and I my husband, bless him, is the best, however there will always be that level of understanding that isnt there because he may be emotionally feeling the loss, but physically is something I am going through, alone.