Not coping after miscarriage

[allthesharks]

I had a miscarriage on Wednesday night at 7 weeks. It was horrible and traumatic. We made the decision to tell close friends what happened as we didn't want it to feel like a secret or something to be ashamed of. Everyone has been very kind and supportive, but I feel very alone and very down. I imagine the hormones are a factor as well as the situation itself.

I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of a handhold and some support from anyone who could offer it.

Sending lots of love your way OP.

I miscarried a just over a week ago at 6+1 and I know exactly how you feel, it's a horrible horrible thing to experience.

Talking to my family and friends has definitely helped though so it's good you've been open with some people as I found that has definitely helped.

Hope you feel better soon

My sympathies. It is a horrible thing to happen and it will take time to recover, talking about it is good in my experience is you will find others who can relate to your experience as they have been through it too.
Eat well and read, watch your favourite programmes, you will feel better just be kind to yourself.

@allthesharks so sorry that you lost your baby :(

I could have written that. It's so lonely. But there is lots of support here.
My SIL had a miscarriage and she was a great help just having someone to let it all out to and she understood. She announced her pregnancy shortly after though and I found it too hard to keep talking to her about it. But that's where here comes in.

I started to feel like I could cope after a few weeks but then I spiralled down again. Some days, I don't think about it until I have a quiet moment in the car or in bed, but other days it completely consumes ny thoughts.
I remind myself about other women who have had miscarriages and are now okay - in the hope that I'll get to that point too.

I found it hard that people don't actually know what physically happened during the miscarriage. I think they think I had a period or it magically disappeared. Whereas here you'll find lots of women who tragically understand things that your family and friends just don't.

In a nutshell, I'm sorry - it's horrendous-i'm hoping with you that we learn to cope- benefit from the support online.

sending lots and lots of love xxxxxxx

Im so sorry op. Im in the same position right now about 10 weeks. I cant stop crying. Im heavily bleeding and cramping have an infection and sickness and epu wont see me until monday. Have you got someone with you today so your not alone? Sending you all my love.

So sorry you feel alone @allthesharks :(

I am 9+6 and am going through a missed miscarriage (havent miscarried yet but baby stopped growing at 6 weeks) so will either miscarry naturally this week or need medical management next week.

Its a really tough time but i have found these forums so helpful!

Thank you for the replies everyone.

You are right @Zoey36 that people don't know or understand what physically happens. I hope no one finds this upsetting for me to say, but I had a bath when I was miscarrying to help with the pain and when I got out I found the gestational sac in the water. It was very traumatic to see, but I'm glad that I was able to hold it, if that makes any sense. My partner buried it in our garden and put some flowers down.

I don't feel that people who haven't experienced it really understand that this is a bereavement. It's not just a loss of a pregnancy, it's a loss of the hope, excitement and plans that you had made. I am very fortunate to have two daughters already. This would have been my partner's first child though. And it also would have been another sibling for my daughters. They are completely oblivious to what has happened, which is a good thing. On the one hand it means I have to keep going for them, but on the other hand, I don't have much time to process it or physically recover. They are with their dad this weekend, so I am able to rest a bit more.

My partner is struggling as well. Possibly more than me. I think I feel numb more than anything. I've cried a little, but not as much as I feel I should. I know there is no "should", I suppose I just don't think it's fully hit me yet. I also feel drained and completely exhausted from the blood loss. Hopefully once I feel a bit better physically I can start to feel more emotionally too.

@allthesharks it sounds like your coping the best you can with a horrible situation. This forum is packed with people who can offer advise and support. I know the feeling very well. I did the same and told close friends and family when I had my first. It was a really surreal time in life. That was over a year ago now. Since then I've had two more and I feel quite shut off to my feelings now. The only thing that truly helps is being around my husband. Keeps me grounded and strong.

The hormones must play a part but the best thing is to allow yourself the time to think about what happened and allow yourself to heal. I think generally people expect you to move on quickly but it is different for everyone. I hope your doing ok.

Today has been really awful. I've felt so down and I just don't want to do anything. I've cried a lot today. It's just really shit.

@allthesharks I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had a mmc in May at my 12wk scan, it had stopped growing at 8wks after seeing a HB. It was so traumatic, the loss is not only physical but like you so all the hopes and dreams that come with it. I had medical management which went horribly wrong and ended up being admitted to hospital for blood loss and ended up needing a d&c anyways. It was truly awful. I really struggled for weeks afterwards but it did get better. My little girl who was 3 was my saviour really, she’ll never know how much she helped me and her daddy get through it.

I still have rough days when I know it should be a milestone like now going on maternity leave. But I am now nearly 12wks pregnant, I’m trying to look positively to the future.

I really hope you find some peace soon, but for now allow yourself to grieve your loss ❤️

Hi @allthesharks I hope you're doing ok. I am in a very similar position to you. Something has not felt quite right since I found out I was pregnant, and I woke up this morning to a lot of bleeding. Would be seven weeks on Wednesday.

This will be my second miscarriage and it feels AWFUL. We are both already older than most trying and I am frightened that this will never happen for us.

Sending hugs and sympathy, it's a shitty shitty time.

Sorry you're going through this @NotMaryWhitehouse. It's truly awful.

My DP is back at work today and it's the first time I've been on my own (other than having the DDs here). I feel completely crap. I just want to hide under the duvet. I'm meant to be at work tomorrow and I've got no idea how I'm going to cope. Work is stressful anyway without feeling like this.

Thanks @allthesharks, I have just sent my OH to work, he feels terrible too and terrible about leaving me, but there's nothing he could do.

I am self-employed, which makes things easier in a way, but no work = no money coming in,so I will try to do a few bits later today once the doctor has called me back.

I don't know what I want him/her to suggest really. A bit of me would like him to refer me to the EPAU for confirmation, but I feel glued to the bed to be honest, daren't move 😕

I hope you feel a bit stronger, going back to work will be tough. Do your colleagues know?

A few of the managers know. I'm unsure if I will tell some of my closer colleagues.

Have you had a scan before now? If not, they will probably want to see you at EPU to make sure it's not ectopic. I was seen at EPU at 6 weeks because of cramping. They scanned me and couldn't find a heartbeat but said the pregnancy was less than 6 weeks along so that would be why. I knew I couldn't be less than 6 weeks based on dates. A few days later I started spotting and a few days after that the very heavy bleeding started. I went to A&E as EPU had told me to if I started bleeding heavily. It was the evening so EPU wasn't open so I wouldn't be scanned that night. I started bleeding through my clothes in the waiting room and I had large clots so I knew what was happening and I wanted to be at home. The lovely nurse told me to come back in the morning and EPU would scan me. They did and confirmed that the miscarriage was complete so I didn't need any intervention. Can you self refer to EPU in your area? Some of them allow you to. Mine didn't which is why I had to go via A&E. I hope you're ok.

In my experience I found going back to work two days after helped to take my mind off it I wanted to get back to normality rather than just sit at home and cry my eyes out about it all day which I knew I would. I ended up back in hospital as got an infection but It was all dealt with quickly. After getting over the initial shock I found I was embarrassed more than anything at having to tell family it had happened and I just wanted to shut off and not talk about it. What got me through was the hope that I could try again and it's just one of those horrible things in nature.

Until I had one I had no idea just how horribly common they are, I had no idea what to expect physically and was surprised at how little it's talked about.

Essentially everyone will cope differently so if you need to cry about it, do, call upon friends mum and partner, see the gp if you feel you need to be signed off of work for a while, use all those support networks. You will not forget it but in time you will feel more able to cope with the memory.

I look at my dc now and my miscarriage is just a horrible past memory, I rarely think about it although I do understand not everyone is the same.

@allthesharks gp has just called to confirm EPAU scan/appointment got tomorrow morning. Told me it could take three hours!!

Pretty weepy, feeling very low

@NotMaryWhitehouse I hope you're ok and the scan goes as well as it can this morning.

I've called in sick to work today. I'm going to go and see my GP to see if I can get signed off as I'm just not coping at all. On top of this, a lorry drove in to the side of my partner's car on the way to work this morning. Fortunately he's ok and the car is drivable but it was on the motorway and could have been a lot worse. We just don't need this right now. I feel like my world is crashing down around me.

Sending you a handhold x I lost my baby at 6+3 after seeing the heartbeat 2 days before, and finding out when I was 10 weeks (missed miscarriage). I found out 3 weeks ago. It does get easier. Sending you some love x