I recently suffered a miscarriage at 13 weeks pregnant. This is my second miscarriage, although first with my current partner.
I have a number of genealogical issues such as PCOS and endometriosis so conceiving was a very welcome surprise.
My previous miscarriage, with previous long term partner, caused me to suffer terribly with mental health issues and depression respectively. I spiralled considerably and naturally my partner and I drifted apart, however it took 3 years after this for us to actually break up.
I met my then partner, whom I felt was everything I was looking for, I was on cloud 9. We have a wonderful relationship, a beautiful house together and a lovely little dog. To then fall pregnant was just incredible. Naturally we became excited and was very much looking forward to a child of our own, only until I began to feel different. My fears were then confirmed at my scan, to which they wanted to check in another week to be sure I was miscarrying. One agonising week later I was told I would need medical management to help me along (this was my choice of procedure), and I was absolutely broken.
Since then, throughout the hospital appointments I have of course struggled with my emotions. However, 4 days now since everything was ‘wrapped up’ and I received my referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and I am still somewhat spiralling.
My partner does his best, and it isn’t for the lack of trying but I just feel empty. He says this makes him feel like he isn’t enough, and I just cannot find the words to express to him how it is I feel. I say I feel I need some good in my life and his response is ‘am I not good enough’.
I feel like he is turning this into this about him and it is not, as I try and explain, it is about me and how I feel about it and am processing. Am I doing something wrong here? Should I be handling this in another, better, way?
I know he was considering proposing to me when He found out I was pregnant, and perhaps knowing that he now isn’t is crushing.
I honestly just feel this miscarriage has brought so much sadness, and I feel like I am struggling for air.
Does anyone have any advice? Have you felt the same?