Did you tell your mum and family?

[Margo34]

Just experienced miscarriage (ttc#1) and DH and I both heart broken.
We were waiting until scan before sharing pregnancy news with family, so now not sure whether to say we have miscarried.
Also don't want questions or comments like 'well you're trying at long last' which will not help or comfort us, but I don't want family to think we're distancing ourselves.

Both our sets of parents have some complicated health issues and I don't want to burden them either.

I just don't know. What are your thoughts?

Thanks

It depends on your relationship with your parents. You need support now, of telling them will make you feel better and they will help you, then do tell them. If you're just telling them because you feel you should, I wouldn't.

Hi @Margo34!

I didn't tell my mum and sister after my first mc but truthfully that's because my dad had also just passed away and I didn't won't to add to their stress.

It's sadly happened to me again now and this time I did call my mum and she's actually on her way over (she lives abroad) to come and be with me / us and support. I'm now really happy I told her and also told her of the first time as she was really supportive and at a time where you feel lonely and sad anyway, it's good to have someone that's close who you can speak to, now and in the future too when you have sad days.

My first 3 miscarriages I never did because they were all very early losses and I hadn't told anyone I was Pregnant. To be honest until I lost my third even I hadn't realised I was Pregnant but she clicked on later anyway. My most recent miscarriage 2 weeks ago she knew I was Pregnant because I'd taken the test whilst we were all on holiday. Period was late my boobs were throbbing so much it was making me feel sick from the pain, I was ratty (even more than normal 😂) and had horrendously fatigued. However the first person who knew I'd miscarried for a forth time was my Best Friend who was sat holding my hand during my scan because my Partner was long distance Truck driving at the time. We'd already decided that if it was bad news I'd just text him to say call me and that way he'd have time to process it before continuing to drive. He did end up with a delivery where I live anyway so was able to stay with me a couple of hours and console me. Unfortunately when I did actually go on to fully miscarry he was working but stayed with me on the phone talking to me and calming me down whilst everything came away. He was also ready to phone an ambulance if needed. My Mum was the third person I told

I wish I hadn’t told my mum because now she Keeps making comments about getting pregnant again and it’s killing me. She would love to be a grandmother and that only adds to my guilt over it all.

This is what I'm worried I will get from my parents, siblings and my in laws! Really don't think I will be able to cope with that on top of emotions of a miscarriage.

Sorry to hear about all of your losses and thank you for sharing your experiences re communicating with family.

Some food for thought.

I have a great relationship and was able to tell my mum. I told her as soon as I knew I was pregnant and when I started to miscarry she immediately got in her car and drove for 3 hours to be with me. But it depends on each family. I would never have told my dad, we just don't get along.

So sorry for your loss, personally when I had told my parents already, I had to tell them my losses, but when I hadn't mentioned it (I had quite a few) I never bothered because it was more stress to be honest
Good luck trying again - often found I was more fertile after a mc, I hope you find the same

I had a scan at 11weeks and discovered baby wasn’t developing properly. I miscarries naturally at 12weeks. Before my scan we told a very close friend and my mum. I already have 2 DC so she was a massive help in looking after them when I needed.

Afterwards I had to tell my managers and I also told a couple of close work colleagues and another close friend. My partner told his dad too. I did appreciate their kindness afterwards and it was nice to have someone to talk too. Everyone I told I asked them to keep it to themselves though as I didn’t want what had happened to become public knowledge. Also 2 of my partners cousins had just recently given birth and also his best mates partner so we didn’t want anyone to think we would be awkward with them.