Five years on

[TinyBean]

Just over 5 years ago I was very active on these boards (name changed since then) having miscarried my first pregnancy at 12 weeks, and a couple of months later my second at 6 weeks. I did go on to have my much longed for baby, but the grief I feel for the ones I lost still feels raw. I heard about a local church having a "baby loss tree" where mums can go to tie ribbons onto it, light a candle and remember little ones lost. I'd like to go, but every time I think about it I burt into tears . Actual sobbing. Does anyone trully recover from this grief? Sorry if I have posted in the wrong place.

Hi. I didn’t want to leave your post unanswered. I can’t say as my first (and please please only) miscarriage was just a few days ago. Did you ever get counselling for your grief? I imagine it never goes away but just you learn to live with it and it fades, like other grief. I have a beautiful toddler that I’m so grateful for, but of course I also now have a hole where my second child should be. I doubt it will ever disappear.
I’m sorry not to help more, but hopefully someone else in a similar situation will see and answer xx maybe do your own little memorial tree in private if going to a public one is too hard?

Im in the same position. I miscarried at 13 weeks in January 2019. I'd been for a scan on the 23rd December and we found that there was no heartbeat. 4 years ago this week I fell pregnant with the baby I lost. I find this week so tricky, especially as it coincides with baby loss awareness week. Im not sure I will ever get over it, despite having two perfect dds.

I'm very early onto this journey, having miscarried my first pregnancy 6 weeks ago. But i can relate to blurting out sobbing. Whenever I think of saying bye to my pregnancy in someway, that's what happens to me. I don't believe this hole will ever improve, or heal. I think life just grows around it and whenever you are reminded or think about it, you spring right back to the same sadness and grief. I work in mental health and have signed up to access some talking therapy for myself for this as I think it's important to have the space to address these feelings and others. I still don't think it will change the pain, but it may help me accept it and work with it differently in the long run.

I think the baby loss tree idea could be very lovely and with other mums around who understand. A colleague gave me a recommended leaflet today on a similar organisation which I may go to myself.

Sending you lots of kind thoughts xx

Thank you ladies, and sorry for your losses.
I tried to make myself go to the church but I just couldn't. Every time I thought I should go I just started crying again, so today I just sat at home and thought about my lost babies instead. I haven't told my daughter about them so it all feels secretive and I think that's part of the problem. DP isn't particularly supportive and can't understand why I still get upset. It must be different for men, as they aren't the ones carrying the babies and don't feel the same connection. I gave dd extra cuddles this evening. She is my world.