Miscarriage has affected me so much more than I expected

[LittleBrownBaby]

Hey

I started miscarrying yesterday - very early less than 6weeks. I thought I would be strong and pragmatic and ok - but I'm heartbroken. My partner is away with work (he is flying back tomorrow) and I just feel totally isolated. The physical side is horrible but mentally I have never felt so empty. I'm so lucky to already have two children and I know it's so much worse for other people - but I just feel so, so sad. I'm sorry to everyone who goes through is - it's such an unspoken thing x

You're not alone. It was the saddest, and oddly, the loneliest thing I ever went through. Didn't expect how much it would hit me. It's so much about losing the future you thought you had, the joy and the sense of fulfilment.

It made me stronger and more resilient and compassionate in the long but it was so hard at the time. I had counselling afterwards. I needed it.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve

Sorry, pressed "post" too quickly. Do you have someone IRL you can talk to? You'll find it's more common than you thought. And a big part of it for me was the worry and shame I felt. Like I failed. Talking about it with a trusted friend helped me. So many women simply said: "I had one and it was awful" and gave me a hug. It makes a big difference.

Wow @wattytanker, your message really resonated with me. That's exactly how I felt. The baby I lost was my hopes and dreams, my future.

It was an IVF pregnancy, much wanted and much longed for. 2 failed cycles since. So hard 😔. Sorry to hijack the thread.

It is very, very sad. And how far along isn't an indicator of how bad you feel (though obviously a later miscarriage will be very traumatic, but an early one is not necessarily easy). The potential of an entire lifetime was there, and then suddenly it is not.

Hey @LittleBrownBaby you are so not alone. I'm going through an early MC (around 5 weeks) this week after ttc baby number 2 for 10 months.

DH just doesn't get it. One minute I'm fine and the next I just want to curl up and cry.

Talk, talk and talk some more
Unbelievable how many people have been through miscarriage
We need to talk more about this

I'm three months on from a mmc at 12 weeks & still have days when I'm overcome with sadness. I think it's only natural. It does get a little easier as time goes on, but it still hurts emotionally. I don't imagine that ever fully goes. Find someone IRL who you can confide in & be kind to yourself

I’ve had multiple miscarriages and you would think that by number 7 I was used to it, knew what to expect and could deal with it easier.
I never could, I was as heartbroken for the last as I was the first.
For me, I just felt like I was continuously miscarrying for years.
A positive pregnancy test had no joy or excitement, it just said “here we go again”.
I felt robbed of that, it’s what all normal people feel isn’t it when that test has the two lines.. ecstatic, happy, joyous.
Sometimes it took up to 2 years to get that positive test, 2 years of trying..for nothing.
It is unspoken, many more people have experienced mc than you could imagine. When you start telling people (I rarely did) you will be surprised how many tell you that it happened to them.
It’s a shit club to be in mind.

@LittleBrownBaby I really understand how you're feeling, and so sorry you've all had to go through this. I've just had my second loss in 6 months, my only pregnancies both ending in loss. @crosser62 I don't know how you've coped with Recurrent losses you must be so strong. I found it so lonely not knowing how to talk about it. I wrote something for metro online last week as I thought others must be silently suffering too and it seems senseless. Not sure if you can share external links here but if you Google "nobody wants to talk about miscarriage, metro" you should find it.

I'm going through my first miscarriage and feel so empty and lost. One minute I'm screaming at my partner for not having a clue how I'm feeling the next I'm drowning in tears over the smallest thing. I feel like I'm on a nightmare rollercoaster with no way of getting off or how long it will last. My cervix hasn't opened yet so I know the pain is still to come despite having been bleeding for a week. I'm going to the EPU tomorrow for another scan and am just so anxious about having to be in the maternity wing - why does it have to be in the same place!! I haven't got very much support as none of my family knew I was pregnant, I guess I'd just really like someone to talk to who knows how I'm feeling 😢

I'm very sorry, it's a horrible time. I found it really helpful to talk about it and I also had Councelling. It took me a good 4 months to feel like I was in a happier place.

Thank you all for your replies. Now that the physical side has got easier (and I guess the hormones are heading back to normal) I do feel much better.

I'm so sorry to everyone who has been through this - I really never got it before - how sad it is.

I'm lucky that I do have two children and that I'm not going through a really complex TTC journey (I did with my first) - but it still really hurt and I did feel isolated.

What has helped me is just being open and honest and talking to people. It's such a shame that women feel shame or guilt or embarrassment or whatever it is that keeps us quiet about these things. It's so hard and so isolating - I just decided to talk. And talk. And it's helped me so much.

Good luck to all of you. I hope you all have your happy endings - whatever those look like for you x

I had my D&C yesterday. Feeling very empty and sad today despite a small sense of relief that the physical part has come to an end. Finding it hard to just lie in bed all day but don't want to over do it either. My OH and I are already planning to TTC before my next period. I know they advise to wait until after the first cycle but at 43 I'm just really anxious that I get pregnant as soon as possible. Praying the next time will be different for us 🙏

Thinking of you Mystie and hope you start to feel a bit better, physically and emotionally. It's really rough.