returning to work after mmc

[rmaun1986]

hi all,

I found out at my 12 week scan that I had had a missed miscarriage, with the pregnancy not developing past 8+1. This was obviously devastating and I went on to have the tablets to induce miscarriage etc. This was 2.5 weeks ago, and I am due to return to work next week. I can't stop worrying about it.

Part of me thinks going back would be good for me, get back into a routine etc. But my husband and a few friends are suggesting I stay off little longer as they feel i'm not ready. I'm really confused I can't keep up with myself at all.

I am a Psychotherapist in the NHS, so my job is very emotionally draining and can be a very tense environment. I have thoughts about going back and I get so anxious and frightened that I won't cope. Just generally, i'm finding i get a sudden surge of emotions throughout the day that results in tears. I know my hormones are all over the place, adverts, sad stories, all set me off and i'm really not a very emotional person usually. Given my job, i know everything i am feeling is normal, to be kind to myself and take time, but i also understand that avoidance isn't the answer and i can't decided if staying off is being kind or avoidance. i have this week gone back to the gym and made tea for the first time since (small things) so I am trying to build myself back to usual activity, but i can't decide if working is a part of that yet.

Its possible i could ask my manager for a phased return type approach for next week, and hopefully see less patients than I usually would.
If I'm honest, my hesitation to stay off longer is what they will think of me? People really don't get what this experience is like unless you have been through it, I'm worried they will think i am taking advantage or i'm weak. My job is so dependant on managing your own emotions, the idea they will think i'm incapable terrifies me. I also don't want to let my patients or colleagues who are relying on my return down.

arghhh - what would you advise? how long did other people stay off?

thanks, x

Hi @rmaun1986 I'm very sorry for your loss 💜 its heartbreaking. I am still off work following my second mmc this year, I've been off 3 weeks. I'm also due back next week. I'm not a psychotherapist but do run psycho education sessions with a lot of emphasis on hope, which I'm struggling with right now.

My manager is really supportive and knows about both miscarriages. I'm hoping to go back on a phased return and definitely not seeing service users or delivering sessions for a few weeks.

Could you speak with your manager about possibly phasing back in over the next couple of weeks and building up your clients again? When I went back to work in April after my first mmc I felt I returned too quickly and struggled a lot so giving myself a bit more time.

Please don't worry about what people think, your health is the most important ❤️❤️ Xx

hi @VenusStarr thanks so much for your response.

We sound like we're in very similar positions time wise and with work etc. I'm so saddened to hear this is your second, i can't imagine going through this again. I hope you're supported and finding this time has been healing, if it can be at all healed.

Like you found after your 1st, I am very worried about going back too soon and struggling. I also struggle with vestibular migraines that are triggered by stress and hormone changes; I've noticed mild symptoms of this in the last few days and so am anticipating a big one on route. No doubt this will be the day before or of returning to work!

I don't know my manager too well, she is new, but she far has been supportive. Its hard a without seeing patients, i'm limited in what else i can do. But I think exploring a phased return with her would be useful, as it feels like my options are go back not ready, or don't go back. Maybe there is an alternative.

I hope your return next week is as stress free as it can be, and this journey gets better for you in time.
x

Hi @rmaun1986 so sorry to hear of your loss. I completely understand how you're feeling. I had a MMC in August and ended being off for about 4.5 weeks in total. I also work in healthcare (not mental health) and see a diary of patients each day and honest to God the thought of going back to work was unbearable. What I did find though, was by the time it was time to to back i really was ready to get back into routine, but I'm so glad I didn't rush it. I asked for and was granted a phased return, which helped massively.

It is difficult to differentiate between how much is avoidance and what is the kind thing to do. I also have generalised anxiety disorder and have had various CBT etc. This is something I imagine you already know, but I was always told to ask myself "is it reasonable to feel like this or am I avoiding". In this case, you are 1 million percent feeling as anybody would. If you're not ready to go back, definitely take the time to grieve and you'll know when you're ready. I really really hope that helps a bit