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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Got rid of the proof of my miscarriage because it hurt too much. My ex and his family don't believe me. I need proof.

26 replies

Eddi9464 · 14/09/2019 09:53

The hospital never gave me anything. Its killing me that he doesn't belive me.
How can I prove this to him? My Dr's are awful that it seems they don't have proof or anything from the hospital.

Really unsure what to do. I'm hurt and disgusted in him.
I'm at the point (forgive me for this) to fake a letter or something. But as I never got proof of my miscarriage - only what I went through. I don't even know what its meant to look like.

Aby suggestions for a desperate woman?

OP posts:

Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 09:54

Surely the hospital has records? Have you written to them to ask for them?

Original poster

Eddi9464 · 14/09/2019 09:55

As insane as this all sounds. I'm desperate for help. I don't understand why the hospital didn't give me any paperwork.
I don't want to hurt my ex but I'm honestly disgusted he doesn't belive me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eddi9464 · 14/09/2019 09:56

It doesn't look like it. I really don't understand.

OP posts:

JetPlanesMeeting · 14/09/2019 09:58

I am sorry for your loss.

The hospital will have details of your miscarriage because they have a record of every visit made. Contact the hospital and ask them for information on how you go about getting a letter of confirmation of why you attended on X date.

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 10:01

Why do you need to prove this to an ex?

I'm sorry it has happened but he is an ex, don't get tied up in this kind of emotional stuff. If you have to have contact due to shared DC then do it as distantly as possible. If not then delete him. Either way don't be drawn into some ridiculous 'prove it' crap.

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 10:02

I don't understand why the hospital didn't give me any paperwork.

It's not really standard for hospitals to give people any paperwork regarding their visits though.

Original poster

Eddi9464 · 14/09/2019 10:09

Is it not? I was told it was. I was 18 weeks along. Is there any way for me to prove it then? I'm so confused.
I don't want them or my friends to think I'm lying when this is destroying me

OP posts:

Wildorchidz · 14/09/2019 10:12

Yes. Contact the hospital. Request your records.

Yogpog · 14/09/2019 10:13

For all the time and effort it’s going to take you to get some physical proof, it might be better channelled into distancing yourself from these people and their opinions. You know what happened to you, you don’t really need their validation.

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 10:14

Is it not? I was told it was.

I do t know who told you this but as a family we have experience of numerous hospital stays, for various reasons, including miscarriage, and have never been given paperwork to take home.

Why are you so desperate to prove this to people who don't matter? That's what you need to ask yourself, focus on healing.

DC3dilemma · 14/09/2019 10:17

If you were in hospital in the Uk for treatment for your miscarriage, there will have been a discharge letter to your GP. Ask at your GP for a copy of the discharge letter. If they say they don’t have it, contact PALS at the hospital.

Mustbetimeforachange · 14/09/2019 10:19

Yes, you should have had a discharge letter. Where are you?

Reindeerssmellbetter · 14/09/2019 10:21

Why do you even care what your ex and his family think? Tell them to go fuck themselves and move on with your life. You're wasting time and energy worrying about it just let it go.

Original poster

Eddi9464 · 14/09/2019 10:22

I'm in the UK. But I'm just really confused. I've had ovarian pain for a good few months now but my Dr's haven't mentioned anything about the miscarriage. They never have now that I think about it. I'm worried they don't even have a discharge letter 🤔 I know they should but I'm just concerned

OP posts:

noodlenosefraggle · 14/09/2019 10:28

If you are concerned about your health, insist on another doctor/examination. If you just want your ex to feel bad because you've had a miscarriage, just let it go and move on. Why do you think they would suddenly come over all sympathetic after telling you they think you were lying about losing a child at 18 weeks? If they don't believe you, that's their problem. You will just give them more ammunition for whatever they think you are.

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2019 10:28

My experience is that the hospital sends a note about any admission or A&E treatment to my GP practice but this can take a while. Medical services are not perfectly joined up. Sometimes you need to prompt.

If I wanted a note about a hospital visit e.g. a sick note, I'd ask my GP.

I can't comprehend your particular situation though. Why do you care what these people think? Why would you want to be friends with anyone who doesn't believe you about something so important?

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2019 10:32

Also, every time you see your GP, you need to be pro-active and tell them why you're there, what your concerns are and what you think the issue might relate to - specific medical history.

So, if you think current ovarian pain is linked to your miscarriage, tell them.

Your GP has about 8 mins per appointment. They don't have time to read through your medical history before seeing you. You need to help them by speaking up about what you think the issue might be, or might be connected to. Then they can answer that question.

joblotbubble · 14/09/2019 10:33

but my Dr's haven't mentioned anything about the miscarriage. They never have now that I think about it. I'm worried they don't even have a discharge letter 🤔 I know they should but I'm just concerned

Well unless you bring it up they are unlikely to mention it if they don't have reason to. You mention ovarian pain; I suspect not linked to any previous pregnancy otherwise the GP would mention it. Are they referring you?

Is the issue that you think your GP doesn't know? Or the situation with the ex?

Talk to your GP. Block the ex.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/09/2019 10:36

You dont need to prove anything to your Ex.
You need to block him and his family, get counselling if you think you need it and move on with your life.

Spookydot · 14/09/2019 10:36

Did you sign a consent form for the pregnancy tissue to be sensitively disposed of? You could phone up the hospital and ask for a copy of that.

littlepaddypaws · 14/09/2019 10:39

why does the ex and his family needs proof ?

NorthEndGal · 14/09/2019 10:41

Contact the hospital, request copies of your record, for which you may have to pay a small amount.

Also though, there is nothing to be gained by proving your loss. It wont bring back the lost child, it wont make anyone change their behaviour or views.
Shitheads with be shitheads, it's their nature.

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/09/2019 10:47

OP, fuck your ex and his family.
You are wasting too much time and energy on persons who don't give a shit regardless of what you prove.
You know the truth, that's all that matters.
Move on.

MonsteraCheeseplant · 14/09/2019 10:48

You owe them nothing! Fuck them. Go your own way and cut them out of your life they sound fucking poisonous.

peachgreen · 14/09/2019 10:49

Your hospital will have records of your treatment. It would be impossible for them not to have. You can request a copy of your records by writing to the Records Manager or Patient Services Manager at your local NHS trust. www.nhs.uk/servicedirectories/pages/nhstrustlisting.aspx

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