Getting over ectopic

[sadsack123]

I've just had emergency surgery for an ectopic

I am healing physically but I feel emotionally drained

It was so scary and they had to take a tube and the pregnancy. I was 7 weeks

I am struggling with why it happened. I have none of the risk factors ( although I am older)

We weren't sure about trying for this baby but were very happy when it happened and now I feel like this was a sign we shouldn't have

I know we can try again but chances of getting pregnant are reduced with one tube AND chances of this happening again are 10 percent which scares me to death

That's on top of normal increased risks of miscarriage because of my age!

I'm just sad this has happened

How did you get over it?

Hopeful bump?

Hey I'm sorry you're going through this.
I'm the unlucky 10% - I had a Ruptured ectopic last January and then had another in July this year meaning both tubes removed now

Sometimes I look back and don't know how I've got through it . I suppose I always had hope (I start ivf injections tomorrow)

Take it each day at a time - having a miscarriage is hard enough but adding in the life threatening element of ectopics can be hard to get your head around - How something like ttc should be (and is) wonderful for most people goes so wrong for us unlucky ones

Were you offered a burial/funeral service by the hospital - we were both times as both baby's had heartbeats - the second one was last week and that has helped to come to terms with what happened and be able to grieve. At the time with the rush into surgery it can feel so surreal so it's been good to remember and say goodbye

Don't put a time limit on how long you should take to feel better - I still have bad days - it's just now I have more good days than bad x

I had one 8 years ago. Tbh I don't think I'm over it completely. It didn't help that I had no counselling or anything to help like a memorial or something like pp said that their hospital offered them. I think too much time has gone by now to have counselling for me, so I'd say that if I were you I'd recommend it.
It was an unplanned (and not really wanted) pregnancy, so I think guilt plays a major part. It's also so scary, I had a very young baby at the time, and the thought of not being there for her was devastating.

My cousin had an ectopic the year before I did, then she got pregnant almost straight after - not recommended really as the scar tissue can make another more likely. But thankfully that was successful and she has a dc.

So, what I mean to say is, it doesn't have to be your last chance. There's no reason it happened, and certainly not your fault. Make sure you've got people to support you, and do seek some counselling. I wish I had.

Thanks for your comments. I think I will try counselling

Sorry for your losses

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted good luck for the ivf

It takes time and a lot of grieving. I've had 2 ectopic pregnancies. I am currently recovering from my second one which I've had to have methotrexate for AFTER surgery because of leftover tissue which they obviously hadn't removed. I thought it was all over and was starting to grieve and go GP to get help but unfortunately I have to now concentrate on getting my hcg back to zero! I would absolutely see a GP and discuss your feelings with them. It honestly helps no end and also Ectopic Pregnancy Trust is a great website for advice and comfort. They have a telephone no on their website I believe if you just need a chat.

@SeekingAdvice111 I'm so sorry you've been through this twice. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be

I did look at the ectopic pregnancy trust which was helpful thanks but the stories of people having ectopics more than once scared me to death

I honestly don't think I could take that risk and that makes me really sad as my dreams of expanding our family are finished

I just keep thinking why? If it was a terrible idea to ttc another surely fate could have just not let it happen for us, or given us a miscarriage ( Which would of course been awful anyway) but why do this?

I know that type of thinking is not helpful and there are lots of people who have been through worse including you @SeekingAdvice111 I'm so sorry .. sending hugs

@sadsack123
I felt the same that trying again was too great a risk but in the end my yearning for another baby won......I did regret it though having nearly left my DC1 motherless the first time only to have it happen again.

I feel more comfortable with proceeding with IVF now both tubes are gone....

I was naive last time though as I went through ivf to AVOID another ectopic and still had one from my ivf transfer x

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted so sorry to hear that. I thought with ivf they placed it in the uterus!

They have said if I try again I would be scanned and tested early but it still gives me such fear!

So sorry to hear about your loss @sadsack123 .
I also had an ectopic and tube removal, 5 years ago now and it was devastating. Take your time and be kind to yourself and definitely pursue counselling if you feel that's right for you.

I have come to terms with mine now, and have had two babies since then, I had early scans with both, which was very reassuring for me.

There are some days I still have a little cry about it though.

@sadsack123 the risk of ectopic with ivf I've since found out Is actually higher - I think if your tubes just don't work they aren't able to push an embryo back to the uterus If if floats up there during transfer

I've always ruptured before 6 weeks so didn't even get chance to have my early scan

I'm back!

To be honest, the more time that passes the easier it gets! Honestly that's the truth. There are still times where I think about it on my low days but you get through it and carry on.

I know what you mean, I was looking on EPT about methotrexate and the amount of people on there saying it didn't work scared me I just thought I'm not looking any more it is only going to make me more bloody anxious!

Have you got children at all? Not at all. I even wished it was a MC instead of an EP because at least there's no rigamarole of going back and fourth Into hospital being reminded of what we had to go through and where I had to go, is near the maternity ward! What is that all about?

Really hope you are OK? Here if you need to talk. X

I've got one dc @SeekingAdvice111 thank goodness as I'm not sure I could risk this again if I didn't have any

I can't believe you can go through it twice and even with ivf

I had felt a bit more comfort that you can have an early scan but if you can rupture before 6 weeks that doesn't help

How on earth do you make a decision to take that risk

I was undecided about having another child before all of this .. it's like fate is telling me to just stop
☹️

Hi, I had an ectopic and a tube removed and was very nervous about trying again. I had an early scan when I did become pregnant which helped ease nerves. I understand how you are feeling. I didn’t already have children and we’d been trying for two years so glad we kept trying although I was very nervous.
Ectopic pregnancy can be very frightening and take a long time to recover physically and mentally so take it easy on yourself. As others have suggested counselling may help. Mine was 10 years ago now and I still feel upset about it sometimes, but it does get easier as time goes by. The ectopic pregnancy trust were so helpful.
Best wishes, x

How are you doing today @sadsack123? Thinking of you. I had an ectopic in February this year (like you, with no obvious risk factors) and had my left tube removed, although we caught it early in my case and it didn't rupture.

It's a big, scary thing to go through, and when the immediate shock is past, I'd really recommend getting some counselling - I arranged some through work and it really helped me to have a space just for me to let all the fear, sadness and anger out.

There will be time to decide about trying again later, just give yourself enough time and space to heal from this one, then see how you feel. If it helps, my consultant advised me that in animal and human demographic studies, women with no underlying physical causes for the ectopic (so no pelvic inflammation or anything, just rotten luck) generally went on to conceive at more or less the same rate as unaffected women - the 10% figure is higher because it also includes those women with other risk factors who have a harder time of things.

There's no right or wrong about trying again, there's only what feels right for you, and give yourself enough time to recover in all senses. For us, trying again was the right thing, and I'm 13 weeks pregnant now with a healthy baby in the right place, so good can follow bad. I was a wreck for the first few weeks, but your hospital will give you extra early scans to establish pregnancy location next time round if you do try again, so you'll get carefully checked.

Hope you're OK, and wishing you all the best

Thanks for asking @DuvetCaterpillar and congratulations on your pregnancy

I'm feeling a lot better physically. Unfortunately I don't have much time to try and feel emotionally better before making my decision as I am already at the last chance saloon in terms of age!