Last chance of another baby and I miscarried 😢

[Staceyx3]

7 years ago I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, it was our first pregnancy and we were so devastated!
Fast forward to now we have a 6 (girl), 5 (boy) and 18 month old (girl), life is busy and amazing and I count my lucky stars EVERY SINGLE DAY I absolutely LOVE being a mummy!!!
I’ve always wanted 4 children and have been very vocal about this to my hubby he was happy with two, took me a long time of practically begging for another child 3 years to be exact, so along cane our youngest little girl beyond happy, but always knew I wanted 4 deep down but have never asked him again as I know I was pushing him at 3!
We had a surprise pregnancy a few weeks ago he was shocked as wanted to consider abortion, I was shocked but I was VERY happy and felt it was Meant to be against all odds of contraception!!! Last week at nearly 10 weeks I miscarried my beautiful little bub (I know he was a boy as felt so sick and rubbish! Never did with my girls!). I am inconsolable I knew it was my only chance to become a mum of 4 and prayed it would all go well and I’d get my bub at the end of it and finally complete my perfect family scenario (my two eldest ask daily for me to have another baby 😢) I am so so very sad not only am I mourning my loss of baby it’s mourning my only chance of being a mother of 4 beautiful children! The first time we lost a baby I had a focus at the end of the sadness that was to try again, this time I feel it was a cruel trick life played on me I thought my dreams were coming true and I dared to dream of the future with 4 babies, then it was taken away! I’m sad and see no way of ever not feeling robbed of the future I long for! My husband doesn’t seem sad or bothered at all but what’s happened and certain we will never have another! How do I get over my loss and sadness when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel for another bub? What was the reason for this happening just to make me feel sad???

Sorry for your loss 💐
Talk to your husband. Tell him how you really feel about having another child and your feelings about his (non-)reaction to your loss.
Plus you’ve had one surprise pregnancy... it may happen again. Don’t give up on your dreams...

Hi @Staceyx3, I’m so sorry for your loss. I also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I found myself in a similar situation in May - an accidental 4th pregnancy which miscarried at 9.5 weeks. Initially I was shocked/in disbelief at the pregnancy and my husband was not happy at all. However, we soon came round to the idea and started to accommodate a new baby in future plans. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be and while I know it is nature’s way it doesn’t make it any easier. I won’t be having another baby and it really hurts. I had accepted this fact a few years back and gave all my baby stuff away only for all these feelings to re-emerge. I can’t really offer any advice other than time has helped. I know I haven’t talked about it enough but it isn’t the easiest subject to bring up especially when kids are about. Sending a big hug your way x

Thank you both 🙏🏻 I’m finding it mentally difficult to block out and equally difficult to talk about 😢 I feel myself resenting him because he feels nothing and mentioned abortion when we found out, I can’t help but think he is glad it happened! Sleep isn’t my friend right now I still feel so numb, hormonal and really don’t know how to move on from this it’s all I think about and consuming me! I’m keeping busy painting on a smile for my 3 beautiful babies that are here, exhausted by night but can’t sleep as I’m stuck in my own thoughts of feeling sorry for myself angry and confused as to why this all happened (I believe everything has a reason). He’s not mentioned it and carries on as normal (seeming happier than ever!) which hurts as I feel so sad 😢! I’m sorry for your loss @Keeponmovin123 do you still think about it much? How did you move on and find happiness again? X

I'm sorry for your loss

I too am trying to make sense of my situation which is not dissimilar to yours

I wanted another child but spent years wondering if it was the right decision and dh was ambivalent

Anyway we eventually tried thinking it wouldn't happen and I was over the moon when I found out I was pregnant but then sadly I found out it was ectopic at 7 weeks and had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy and my tube

I keep asking myself why? Am I being blamed by fate for not making my decision sooner. Why let us conceive for it to go so badly wrong? Was it to teach us a lesson.. why make it so traumatic? I'm struggling to make sense of it.. I might try some counselling

I don't think I can face trying again with the increased risks and i haven't talked about it with dh but I suspect he will feel the same ..

Sending hugs

@sadsack123 that must have been so traumatic for you and scary for you not to mention heartbreaking! Im so sorry your in a similar situation, life really doesn’t make sense sometimes! I truly hope we find a way to be happy again, unfortunately for me the only thing that I want is to be pregnant again or for time to go back which both are pretty impossible! Sending you lots of virtual hugs x

Thanks@Staceyx3

Have you tried speaking to your dh about how you feel?

@sadsack123 no he seems to avoid the subject completely, I’ve mentioned that I cry every day or I’ve seen nothing and no one but new norms and pregnant women he just says “oh!” ☹️ He’s not a talker!

@Staceyx3 my dh is not much of a talker either

He is just focussed on me being ok after the scariness of the ectopic and he hasn't even raised how I feel about the loss of our baby and my reduced future chances of having any more

Men!

@sadsack123 goodness they are so frustrating aren’t they!!!! Have you tried bringing the subject up at all? How has he reacted to that? How do you feel about it all I know I’m a stranger but sometimes just saying it to someone who won’t judge you can help! X

@Staceyx3

No I haven't really talked to him about it

I just feel sad as this was the last chance anyway and now I can't face going through another ectopic

I just need to move on and accept that I am blessed already with my dc. Many people can't have any can they so I am lucky

How are you feeling? X